I can still remember little things about you:

The way your eyes crinkled at the corners when you smiled
and when you laughed I was such a happy child.
I can still feel your warmth from when I was so young
lying happily on your lap, with eyes lit up and a head that never hung.

The night goes on without you still,
but I miss you more than anyone ever will.
You were Mother, you were life.

The sadness heavily lingers over me,
as I remember the last time I ever touched your face:
Cold and hard and fallen from a mother's blessed grace.

Always you're in my heart,
never will we be apart.
Seven years but you're still beautiful to me.

Hello to the invisible mind that is me
You engulf me and swallow me with pride and regret
I've driven to pay my respects to you –
Tonight I'm letting go.
You can cry if you want, and scream if you must
But there's no one in this head, no, just us.
So take it back slow, guide it back home;
It's not knowing where you are but where you've been that counts.
I'll play a sad song at your mock-funeral,
Maybe one, maybe two in a row.
I want to laugh when they whisk you away
And numb you with therapy that will never dull the pain.
Sharp, beating, thriving in here
With me in this hollow shell and you call me a person.
But that do I think, or what which I know?
I don't even make sense to me anymore.
Goodbye to the invisible mind that is me –
It's been a long journey, a trip meant to be.
I'd like to say I'd miss you, but then, that would be a lie...
But so far this whole life has been leading to this one small goodbye...

I wrote you a letter on my heart,
Though tis one you’ll never read,
And my words so pure and true
That they melted the ice from my soul,
Like blazing fire scorching hot
Among a thousand glaciers.
Your love has taken me hostage to your heart,
And I cannot break the chains that bind.
I cannot merely walk away –
I fear it is not that simple.
For I have fallen so deep,
Sinking straight to the bottom of your spirit.
I am bound to you for all of eternity,
Even if so you choose to turn your face from mine eyes
And never look back again.
I am bound to you, though you I cannot touch,
And the letter written upon my heart glows stronger every day.
My dear I hope that one day you may look inside me,
And see my love for you engraved into my very essence.

you can call me crazy, i won't say i'll disagree.
i won't look the other way or pretend that i don't see.
i'll laugh along with you and smile,
but knowing all the while
my insanity is not the danger
for what my mind lacks is stranger
make sense of this i know you won't but i'm not asking that
cuz i have watched you many times falling here from where i sat
so call me weird or call me strange or just say i'm crazy
because the view from in here hasn't been all too hazy.

Check in, turn the light down, turn up the sound
Come and tell me all that you see
Will you dance with me tonight on the shores on Ecstasy?
Finality is all we’ve ever known

And mark your hand with the lipstick kiss of lust
We’ll run away, don’t look back, there is no rush.
Close your mouth and talk to me
Tell me everything, everything, all that you know.

They’ll force their hunger in your mouth
And cut you right on down to size
Obsession borders on insanity baby
But I never said that I was okay, alright

Now turn your cheek just a little the other way
But don’t turn your back or they’ll devour you
Ruthless souls, yearning for a place to go
Hold me tight and we’ll dance the night away

Stained with scars and marked with blood
You entered innocent but innocence fades so fast
You could never leave this place
Especially if you wanted to.

The memories invade my mind, and no matter how hard I try to force them out, they linger. Haunting me, dragging me to my knees, screaming things at me that I know are true. I can't find myself, lost in the ocean of hatred, black waves rushing toward me and knocking me down. I fall; I always fall. I can't stand my ground in this never ending parade of solitude. I sit in the dark and I cry and I beg, but you won't hear me. You tune me out like static on an old radio; turn the dial and it's all forgotten. But I remember, and I will always remember. To take apart the deepest division of my sanity, it's the biggest tragedy I could endure. Yet somehow I'm still breathing, though my chest caved in long ago. And tell me; when you ripped my beating heart out of my chest and slowly crushed me to death, did you even feel bad about it?

Why should I have to keep falling for you
Over and over and over
When all you do, you bring me to my knees
In agony, yes you do
Why, when I said I love you
You turned away, you lied to me
Slapped it in my hands and said
"Take it or leave it I'll never leave you this time"

But you lied to me
And shot through my eyes
And now my heart is blind
Searching for a cure to close the wound
But these stitches never hold and we're
We're all gonna die...

You, yeah you took my heart
Right from my chest, well you
You ripped away the veins
Stopped my blood supply
When you..looked at me with those dead eyes
And said "I love you" but you lied
Oh, you ****** lied and I'm bent
And I'm an busted scar, just let me die
Here alone...

Because you lied to me
And shot through my eyes
And now my heart is blind
Searching for a cure to close the wound
But these stitches never hold and we're
We're all gonna die...

I screamed out loud
For words that never came
And you defiled
My sad sorry ****** name
I can not lie
Say I don't care
Cuz you..well you took
[You ******* took every little piece of me that was ever worth keeping
And you drove your ******* nails into my skin
And pierced my indiscretions leaving me wide open
For the whole world to know my flaws
And I hope you never heal....]

But you lied to me
And shot through my eyes
And now my heart is blind
Searching for a cure to close the wound
But these stitches never hold and we're
We're all gonna die...

Everything I ever wanted, you held tight in your hands,
And you pressed your heart into mine and said, "Don't let go."
I tried; I promised you that I'd never hurt you,
But now you're standing in the rain, mourning my retreat.
My dear, I never meant to betray your heart so coldy,
But you and I just weren't what my soul craved.
I tried to return to you but my weariness won,
And so I left you all alone, with no one but yourself.

I must have been stained with all the words you left behind
Your freezing heart nearly stole my summertime.
I watched you rise as the leaves twisted through the air
Falling short of the ground perhaps because you were there.
The sadness that overtakes my heart fades only when you’re near,
Yet somehow you only seem to crush me when you’re here.
I can’t save my sanity, and you won’t let me be.
When stars no longer shine, what then will we see?
A vast sky devoid of all humanity; bleakness leaking through the earth,
But was my heart really ever mine? A small tragedy, for all that it’s worth.
And I must have been scarred from all the pain you threw my way,
For in their eyes and in your hands, I lost my life today…

You can run away with me, anytime you want.
We can chase the stars together, find a soul to haunt.
Running down the memory lane, pocket full of dreams,
I lost you on the wayside where nothings what it seems.
I left you there to slowly fade, a masquerade at most.
And though I’m hardly fit to speak, I’ll break you in a boast.
From crashing waves to moonlit fads, let’s have ourselves a feast,
And though you think I’m just a *****, I’m really such a beast.
You broke me down and stole my heart, and I did not fight back,
But now it’s time you see the fight, and courage which I lack.
To shut you out and break your walls and tell you I’m okay,
When really all I needed was for you to make me stay.
And leap into my mind, its dark, but soon you’ll surely see,
You give me just a glimmer of light, a tiny hint of glee.
But you won’t run away with me into the blackest white,
And I’ve no choice to accept that this won’t ever be alright.