I hated
being your therapist

Bound by expectations and theory
that tells me what to say and how to say it
When this real person
Was sitting
Three feet across from me
Standing on her last leg

I wanted to tell you what I saw in you
not what the theory said
I wanted to tell you
that your future was bright
Your smile could light up an entire room
Your passion and creativity could lead you
From these depths to your success
If only
Just a little
You could believe in yourself
Your talent
And your smile

Instead
I watched as you struggled
And I struggled myself
To help you see
In the most objective light possible
Your own beauty
And how you could change your thinking

But little by little
Those people hurt you
And you felt your trust
Slip
Away

Until you no longer wanted to live
Until
You told me
What you would do

I called for help
To someone I could trust with my own life
We tried to save yours
I never
Saw
You
Again

You are alive
And hopefully well

But how
I
wish
I had been your friend
And not your therapist

You said I was your favorite taste
Of cigarettes and whiskey
So I'm begging you to kiss me gently
Because I'm longing to kiss your velvet lips
And feel your breath against my neck
I want to taste the venom on your lips and the poison on your tongue
So lay me down
Like you do in my dreams
And rest your hands on my legs
Until your fingernails are cutting into me making me bleed
And when I look into your eyes filled with pools of shadow
I question if you're a blessing or a curse
And then I ask you again,
Take my body
And make my wild weird dreams come true

Someday,
I'll build a beautiful home
in a beautiful place
for my beautiful wife.
We'll fill it up
with beautiful children,
and we'll all live
a most beautiful life.

we are in and out,
we never call the next morning,
we flirt with other people
and we break each other's hearts.

we are casual and careless
and pretend it's all a game
because it's all we know to do
and we don't have another way.

but the stakes are high this time
and I can't hurt you anymore.
so I choose you, I'm all in,
and I will be forever yours.

I am through with playing games,
I am laying down the cards.
it is your turn now, my love,
but you've already won my heart.