I saw you briefly yesterday
Just a fleeting glimpse
And yet it all came rushing back...
Everything became more than a memory
It was more than the past
I felt everything so clearly
I saw myself light up at the sight of you
I heard my voice sound giddy
Just the simple act of seeing you
Changed my mood that day
For the moment, I lost track of everything that had changed
I was with you again
I saw you has I had in the past
My reaction was as if things had never gone wrong
And my happiness astounding me
I thought of rushing towards you
To wrap myself in a hug long since gone
And as I moved, I realized the truth
The moment had occurred so quickly that I had fooled myself
You were not mine
As you have not been mine for a long time yet
You didn't even notice me standing there
My face filled with such longing that it could not be contained
You didn't even notice me...
But I saw you yesterday.

They all live in their own little worlds.
A place that I don't understand really..
I mean, how can you fool yourself so completely?
How can you lead yourself to believe such lies?
They walk around as if they can't be wrong.
They can't be touched.
They're invincible.
And in a way - I envy them.
Their careful ways.
Their nonchalant attitudes.
But then their cluelessness catches up.
I know better than to want that life.
I know better than to convent their ways.
Because their little worlds are full of deceit.
Of pretty images, but no real substance.
It's just a picture.
Instead of reality - they chose ignorance.
They ignore what's right in front of them
And they shun whatever tries to show them the truth.
And that thing
That person
That very truth
Becomes nothing to them.
Instead of listening - they discard.
Instead of understanding - they throw it away.
They blame it on the messenger.
The part that threatens their "peaceful" existence.
It's all just a mask.
A charade.
They refuse to see.
They refuse to look.
They refuse what is true.
And then they act like they cannot be wrong.
And they're untouchable.
Oh - how they fool themselves.
And each other.
Each living a lie so profound -
That they ignore the obvious.
And each not caring how oblivious the other is.
As long as THEIR world stays intact, who cares about the others?
As long as they get their fix - their need - their assurances
Why bother worrying about anyone else?
It gets darker the farther you go.
The more you look at it - the worse it seems.
But no one really seems to care.
It's all about the image.
Does it look ok?
Do they act happy?
Are they showing too much emotion today?
Are they showing too much fear?
Because they all know that one day it will fall apart.
The little world they created.
The little act they set up.
It won't last.
Not in reality.

The colors are amazing
I've never seen such a mixture of oranges and yellows
Reds and Blues
I'm entranced
Swept up by it's intoxicating dance
As the licks of flames grow closer
I'm fascinated
Swirling around me
Faster and faster
I could never imagine such beauty
I have never seen such passion
Spinning
Spinning...
I'm caught up in it's motion
Delirious with joy
At being able to share in such glory
At being able to witness such freedom
Such reckless abandonment
I'm losing myself
How could I deny such power?
How could I refuse?
I'm becoming but a color myself
Dependent on nothing
Defiant
It seeks to consume everything
And it consumes me
The more I participate in it's dance
The farther I am from what I want
Although I do not fear
It offers me life as I have never felt
I'm offered
Eternity?
But no...
I'm burning alive.

I’m amazed at people.
What have I done?
You think that you could handle yourself so much better?
Do you honestly believe that you would do what’s right?
What is right?
Who are you to judge?
Your opinion and my opinion won’t match up.
Have they ever?
Have we ever completely agreed?
I’m shocked...
To think that someone whom I count on so much
Can’t even express to me what they think...
Can’t even come to me about MY mistakes.
Instead you hover at a distance,
Hold your head high,
And judge my actions.
Like you could do so much better with my life.
Like you could reach perfection.
As if you could really be me.
Experience my emotion.
Get inside my mind.
And tremble at what you discover.
There is no way to imitate me.
There is no way to predict me.
So you cannot say that you know best.
Confront me for once!
Stand up for yourself.
Stop making ME come to YOU.
I’m tired of being the foundation.
As you allow me to crumble...do you realize what you’ve done?
As I fall apart - so do you.
As I tumble down - so does all we stand for.
Will you allow it so easily?
So readily?
Accept my demise?
I fear that you will.
I’m scared of what you’ll do.
Or...what you won’t do...

...for me.

You ever reach the moment
when enough is enough?
You want nothing more to do with a person
or a situation
or an issue?
You just think it's time for it to disappear?
Well,
I'm having that moment.
It's time for this ******* to stop.
It's time for this to end.
I've had enough.
I fight too hard for things that I'll never acheive.
I believe in people too much.
I have too much faith in the "good" in people
that I blind myself to the "bad".
It's over.
There is no turning back.
Sadly, I have reached my limit.
I feel like I've wasted my time.
Nothing has been accomplished,
but I did everything in my power.
I beat myself up over and over and over again
and for what?
Just to fail...
But can I really look at it as failure when I had no control over the situation?
It was not my choice.
I can't control people.
I can't predict people.
I can only count on those close to me.
I can only count on that which makes me secure
and I hate that my insecurities overcame me.
I hate that my attempts were all in vain.
I wanted to salvage something.
I wanted to believe that my feelings had some purpose,
but I suppose it's just become a lesson.
I should never think that it will always work out as I want.
Some things are just not meant to be.
Or else...they need more time,
but my impatience controls me.
I cannot just let time pass without action.
I need to feel as if I'm doing something,
as if I'm trying something...
I need to feel as if I'm fixing it
only to realize that I have fixed nothing.
Instead, I pushed it too far.
But I'm not really trying to blame me.
Because it's not my fault.
Why place the blame on me when I was the only one fighting?
When I was the one who really wanted to make things right?
How dare people claim that I don't care!
You've never met anyone who cared more.
You've never met anyone who tries harder.
You've never met anyone who believes in people more.
You've never met anyone who exhausts every effort.
You've never met anyone who would do anything for anyone.
You've never met anyone who is quite like I am.
And if you don't believe these things about me,
then honestly, you've never really met me at all.
Because those who know me, know this about me:
I will always be there.
I will never give up.
I will never go away.
I will never drop you.
I will never harm you.
But that is only if I am given the same treatment.
I do not make friends for fun.
I make friends for real.
And to lose one, kills me.
But I can't always be the one that fixes it,
especially if the other side wants nothing to do with it anymore.
I'm stuck at the mercy of someone else.
My control is gone.
And now I can only accept the inevitable.
One day...there will be regret.
But it won't be mine.

If I could give it a name, I'd call it unforgettable.
I'd call it unimaginable.
Absolutely amazing... and yet, it slipped away.
If I had known, I'd have held on tighter.
I would have fought harder.
I would have put in the effort that it deserved.
I would have.. had I the slightest inkling that I would end up here.
I would tear my heart out and place it in front of you.
Take it. Keep it. Just don't destroy it.
I would have let go of all those fears that I let whisper in my mind.
I would have washed away all the doubts that crowded my thoughts.
I would have ignored all the things I was told.
It would have been different and I would not be here.
These thoughts would not keep slipping into my brain.
My hands would not tremble when I reached out.
I would finally be able to catch my breath.
I'd sleep.. finally.. if I had known.
I could have changed it, but I allowed myself to fall down.
I shed away and that is my ultimate failure.
It could have been forever and instead, I let it become never.
I would have been the person that we talked about.
And I would have the future that I had hoped for.
The love that I had always craved was right beside me and I walked away in fear and anger.
I let myself be swayed and it was gone.

It slides
The only indication that there is any regret
The only proof of what you truly feel
From the corner of your eye
Down the curvature of your cheek
To gently swoop to the base of your lip
Quickly, you catch it on a fingertip and fling it away
No longer will it blow your cover
You are stronger than that
(Or so you say)
And no one will know the difference
Because no one saw