relish this moment
of playing the fool.
one day you will grow
to be an old woman
who knows everything-
much like all the old women
who’ve known before.

When will you give me the “let’s just be friends” talk?
It took me 10 years to not do the same.
It’s really not kinder this way.
So much I want to say I cannot find the courage.
I’d do everything different if it were up to me.
The sadness I know, do you know a piece of?
You feed it to me like a slice of sweet cake.
If it were up to me, I’d do everything different.
Is there a key to unlock this prison?
I really had hoped it would be different with you.
If it were up to me, it would be-
but is it really kinder this way?
I’d sleep but you are not next to me.
Would I stop crying if I could?
There is not enough smoke or mirrors on this whole **** planet
to make me forget what you’ve promised to me.
Will I never see my white horse or baby flower?
Will I never stop searching for the one to set me free?
You’re not the only one who would like to fall off of this planet
and I really believed that we would jump together.
Feeling so foolish, and so much like a child.
I’d just stop breathing, if it were up to me.
Involuntary thoughts, like involuntary functions.
Necessity breeds invention.
Now tell me, what should I make of this?
If I could only SPEAK all that I’m thinking.
That which does not **** us will make us stronger,
but what about those who are better off dead?
I need a clock like I need a hole in my head.
The opposite of King Midas syndrome
where everything I touch turns simply to ****.
Drinking this wine, in lue of your breath
which is far more intoxicating, treasured, and sweet.
I would replace it for the air,
if it were up to me.

IF you ever decide
the dream is NOT dead
I left you my pillow
laying on your bed.
There’s a drop of my blood
on the floor of your bedroom
from when the fan almost cut off
my long clumsy fingers.
I have shed my gold hair
all over your city.
Just like the cat
and the dog
that I am.
This would be enough
to concoct a magical potion
IF you ever decide
the dream is NOT dead.

No matter how much my body resists it, the internal dialog never stops, cant destroy it. with my cigarettes, or junk food, or my bad attitude, can’t make extinct the thing that’s possessed me.
right in front of you
like a worn out tune of blues,
looking like leftover food, but not so tasty.
it’s a dream of mine, and in time i will learn what it takes to
make the seed grow.
never know? doubt kills like
pesticide,
insecticide,
boys at columbine.
with vicious and preconceived certainty.
no humanity or humility, only cruelty.
like the beast of nature, (pardon me)
nature of the beast.
the nature of the beast
will never cease. like the internal dialog, never stops. can’t destroy it with my cigarettes, or junk food, or my bad attitude. can’t make extinct the thing that resides inside of them, that’s possessed them.

25 years old, and I had never seen a vulture.
Now 100 or more are circling my head,
Begging me for dinner.
Sweet hell,
I’m half tempted to give them
A taste of me.
Found out last night
My lovers been *******
With the demon of pleasure.
Now I know how it feels
To be bitten by my enemy.
I’ve drank my share of two large oceans.
Maybe next time I’ll listen when
She lulls me out to sea?
Problem is,
I never listen.
Least not to the voice of reason
Or anyone who knows what’s best.
Can someone please tell me which direction up is?
What kind of vessel propels you deep into this yonder?
Who has put a leash on you,
My devil dog from hell?

There’s a boy in Miami
Who’s perfect to the T
And “te quireo mucho baby”
About me.

It was never my intention
to jump wildly, blindly into the abyss
not knowing of what beasts
might devour me whole-
without blinking an eyelid.
The soul is a fragile thing
and when pushed closely to the edge
oblivion will greet you
without judgment of your sins.
I want to be that kind of friend for you.
I want to be that kind of mother for my children.
I want to embrace you despite what kind of tragedy has beset you.
I want to love you like death,
wether or not you’ll love me back.