I don't know how to react, I relapsed the pain is dragging me back..
To a place and time that I never thought I need back..
I see that, I'm too weak, a million thoughts, I can't speak..
Eyes wide shut I can't see..I guess there was a reason for that plan b..
An escape route, I hate how, Youve been feeling distant as of late now..
You're slipping, far away. To get back to you I'll find a way..
Whether it be today, tomorrow or my final day..ill love you forever hey baby..
My eyes burn, it's my turn. The right to misery that I've earned..
I've made mistakes but I've learned, you're everything my heart yearns..
My hearts broke, **** mixed with cigar smoke now I ****..
Puff puff ash it, by myself no passing, wish I had the answers to the same questions I keep asking..
Holding tight to memories, my demons own the best of me..
It's like my past keeps testing me, you can have whatever's left of me..
I know it's not much but it's all I own, you're a rolling stone I'm rolling ******, in your arms is where I called home..
Evicted, I've been cast out, future dreams diluted by past doubt..
All night I stayed up..crying for you til I passed out..
Woke up back to the nightmare, karmas a ***** and she don't fight fair..
Until you figure if you wanna love me or leave me I promise I'll be right here.
Where you met me. Alone and scared.

Around the corner from where pain lives, up the block from where fear stays..
Near the park where the naive play, this is all I know do you hear me??
A train ride away from the doubt house, next door to anger that loud mouth..death lurking at every step you can smell it like an outhouse..
A hop skip and a jump from self consciousness, hung with depression but now that's out..I can see the sun but can't feel it sometimes I wonder what that's bout..
Love and Happiness done moved away haven't heard from them in eons..
So now I'm stuck with all this ****, a neighborhood full of peons..
Make it stop these vacant lots, A melting *** of the worst of thoughts..
before you enter numb feelings, on the corner they're serotonin dealing..
They'll sell you dreams but you must wake up, the worlds an ugly place even under the best make up..
I'm gonna run away I've got my mind made up, if I don't make moves ill stay stuck..
But this is all I know, this is where I've grown..
Lessons in life that I've been shown, I hate it here what can i say but it's what I call home..

Welcome to the world of finders keepers..a place plagued with liars, cheaters, creepers, deceivers..Angel faced devils beautiful as the Mona Lisa..
Trick or treaters you get tricked they'll treat ya..a prisoner of my own mind ill be at the gate to meet ya.
We're not that much different actually were quite the same, over extreme happiness I'd take the slightest pain..
Enough with the sunshine please cue the rain..It's a crying shame, straight faces behind ******* lets play the lying game..
Like yea I'm fine, trust me it's ok, there's peace in chaos and there's relief in pain.. numbed my senses and suppressed my emotions..
My tears seemed more significant as puddles on the pad rather than drops in the ocean..
I'm coastin thru memories that I thought were gone, they added the fuel to this fire guess there were here all along..
Burdened by doubt I never feel good enough, paranoid don't have to many friends wondering who I could trust..
Then I found you in this whirlwind of feeling, amazed by who you are being with you is oh so appealing..
You're stealing my dreams and mind, if you ask me you should be mine..
Take a chance or a risk or better yet just the time..
See there's fragments of me left for you in every page and every line..
These poems are my diary letters from to you, I'm done looking the search is over because there's no better than you..

It's funny how the world comes full circle, the ones closest to you are the ones that hurt you..
Looking towards the sky but were all destined for the dirt, you have to play to win bend the rules slightly..
Ill stay if you're in i promise to hold you tightly..cuz it's us against the world my precious baby girl..
Pressure makes diamonds and time creates pearls..patience is a virtue I have no problem waiting..
But the more time that passes I sense your feelings fading..
The distance created a rift, separate ways were sure to drift but I'd do about anything just to save this ****..youre in my dreams take that trip..
A long shot maybe, but my walls dropped baby..been on the bottom for so long when I make it to the top will you call me maybe?
Call me crazy for wanting the impossible, I just want you to want me lady if that ever was possible..
From your dreams I mean never would I stop you boo..burst at the seams you see your doubts are what's stopping you..
Support your cause against all odds..battle tested warrior my stories in my scars..
Some self inflicted but every stories exquisite, from the darkest days I've had glad you weren't here to witness..
Your thoughts of me would have most definitely shifted..I promise I'm a different man..
I'm changed honest, I'm on to a different plan..something greater than I've ever dreamed..going to get it the right way I'm so done with schemes..
Turning a new leaf you know what I mean? Don't judge a book by its cover its not always what it seems..
Aggravation setting in I swear I could scream.. But tell me what to do to get you here with me..

When in your heart you know that it's over, just not man enough to admit it..
So close I could have grabbed it another thing added to my wish list..
It's finished at least I feel it is, pain and sorrow how real it is..
Losing end of the bargain what kind of deal is this, putting my walls back up extra pad locks, made of steel and ****..
You shall not pass, none shall enter, bittersweet memories I'd rather not remember..
I always will that was a lie, along with me saying that ill be fine..
Maybe one day if I find the time, can't blame you, i knew the rules when I passed that line..
Now all that's left is to face my fears, in the back of my mind I knew you'd disappear..
No magic ball but it's crystal clear, you were the piece of my life that was missing dear..
Incomplete I feel that, you couldn't do it I hear that..
Imperfect perfection yes we're that, can you hear that?
Ghosts of what we used to be, just thought over time you'd get used to me..
When it came down to it thought you were choosing me, thought wrong you changed up that was news to me..
Now when I come around it's like who is he..
And when you ask, you're what happened to the dude that I used to be..

Pursuit of happiness.

I've been searching for what seems like ages..
The feeling these people get when smiles are on their faces..
Most seem to love life, for me every day breeds hatred..
On the pursuit of happiness that feeling is so sacred..
Where does it begin, better yet where does it end..
Do you have and tips any secrets to me you could recommend?
People say find hobbies something you'll enjoy..
Opposite the Midas touch everything I hold is sure to be destroyed..
Maybe I'm not happy just because I'm scared of it..
Found peace in chaos I think I really love it..
Cuz when I get to close, a little to comfortable..
Then I start to love without a doubt that **** will crumble too..
To be happy I think you need clear mind..
Live without plans, you and I, we could steal time..
Cuz when I see your face I swear that I feel fine. Lets be real for this time..
It's only in your absence, that I start cracking..
Positivity is hard for me, all I'm used to is negative action...
Abandonment, that was quick. Heart is numb I'm getting used to it..
But I won't stop looking happiness I'm pursuing it.

Sit and watch the storm, thunder is so comforting..
Depression is the norm, I wonder what this life could bring..
Better days have to come I've been thru the worst of them..
Birds of a feather, flock together but I'm not like none of them..
I move to my own beat, stand on my own feet..
Weight of the world on my shoulders, this **** will make your bones weak..
Gotta be a strong spirit, save the advice I won't hear it..
Thru my eyes you can see my soul, stand close and peer in it..
Wait for night disappear in it. Come back on a brighter day..
Ill take you high just light the haze..they say life's a game but more like a maze..
Fight for what's right and make your way..
It gets harder day by day, but so worth it its safe to say..
I woke up, so I'm blessed today, ill try to die another day..

The only hand out ill ever accept is a handshake..
Adrenaline and anger cloud my head and make my hands shake..
Playing the game of life I have to win for these grand stakes...
Plans made and broken, potent **** I'm smokin..
Poppin pills, getting drunk my bodies surely broken..
Whatever makes the pain stop, running ducking raindrops..
And like a Dalmation you can change your ways but you'll always Have the same spots..
Continuous actions, puff puff passin..
Living for the moment i don't care if tomorrow happens..
Running in circles, those closest will hurt you..
Those who say they have your back most certainly desert you..
When the going gets tough, people get going..
I'm stuck in ***** creek and I simply can't start rowing..
Stuck in a bad place but I've made due..
Past actions are the reason I love to hate you..

Arguments ensue, your powers been misused, abused..
But while we're at the top, might as well take in the view...
see where we've been, everything we came from...
The people we used to be, looking back i really hate them...
What the **** happened, to get us to this point?
Can't go a day sober, endless bottles, pills and joints..
Haven't had a clear head, in what seems like years..
My eyes are always bloodshot, clouded with my tears..
I have to hide my feelings, but i can share my fears..
Please lie to me one more time, tell me all I want to hear..
We made it to the top, a big ******* to them all..
Now all we have to do is wait, because promised is the fall..

You can turn your back and hide your eyes..
Cut me slack my souls revived..
It's been a time since I felt like living..
No thoughts of suicide or wrist slitting..
I always wanted to go out in a blaze of glory..
No remnants of disappointment at the end of my story..
But who am I kidding, its written in stone..
The ink is my blood and the pen is my bones..
Sign here at the X and it's ****** she wrote..
Hold me tight, the noose on my throat..
A few breaths left in these old broken lungs..
The rides been hard but it sure has been fun..
Thinking of where I started can't fathom when it's over..
6 feet of dirt is heavy and the airs getting colder..
I wonder if they hear my tossing and turning..
Sold it to the devil when you get this my soul will be burning..
Welcome the heat, embrace the flame..
Heavy sigh of relief here comes the rain..

I've been here before I know how this story ends..
Thought I knew what was best but this is where the glory ends..
I like what we have but only so long I pretend..
Before feelings turn real then they get hurt..
Ill take what we have for all that its worth..
Met as two strangers more in common then most..
I pray and I plead but I keep losing hope..
Ill write it in rhyme composed as a poem..
These feelings must hide I can no longer show them..
Memories we have Ill cherish and hold them..
For now I can't deal and it isn't my place..
Ill pick you up when your down, and wipe those tears from your face..
I wanted to be special, not a mistake..
I promise it's real so far from the fake..
Maybe it's timing or never was in the cards..
But our time was special because it was ours..

today i give it all up

This is the house where lonely lives..
skeletons in my closet, my only friends..
I might just lose it, it's evident..
Give me an angel heaven sent..
I keep sending prayers god won't answer it..
Maybe the address is wrong, return to sender..
I'm never sober anymore I can barely remember..
What got me here, and with who..
Predetermined destiny, not for me i pick and chose..
What's to lose..when you lost it all..
Prisoner of my mind, and these 4 walls..
Build me up to watch me fall..
My phones disconnected can't accept that call..
Leave a message ill be back one day..
When I make you proud like i always said id do one day..
a man of my word I won't take it back..
It's never good bye even if I don't make it back..
Ill see you one day later than sooner..
Such a pretty flower, it was just a late bloomer..

if life is a puzzle I think my piece is mis-matched..
When I feel everything is right there's always such a mishap.
Made so many mistakes as hard as I try nothing can fix that..
I'm a good dude, better than the past..
Karmas a *****, she found me fast..
I cry now no need to laugh..
I fell for it knowing it was a trap..
Let me out I'm screaming..
I beg of you I'm pleading.
My Wrists slit I'm bleeding..
I'm sorry god were even..
Ill leave a note no mystery..
Just take me from this misery..

Pain that's where happiness grows..
Feelings..
tried my best to suppress but it's clear they show..
I wish they didn't but yes I do..
I hate everything but then there's you..
Wanna be the one but then there's two..
Itll only take a minute stretch it out give me a few..
Don't wanna be the one to destroy where your happiness grew..
Ill walk away if its best for you..
Protection I reckon is what I had offer..
The heart plays a reckless game full of love and torture..
Let the best man win even if the nice guys lose..
I never meant to be a problem believe that it's true..
Happiness has grown from my underlying pain.

In a world that screws us all its only right that some of mine would loosen..
Preaching from the top of a chair reaching for my noose and..
Here I find serenity, death has always tempted me..
Ill give you whatevers left of me..
Not what I pretend to be..
If I succeed I guess there's no regretting see..
I get to escape,leave it all behind..
Keep me in your heart, you were always on my mind..
Keep me sacred and hold me close..
That's me you feel when the warm wind blows..
See my face in the smoke, billowing from ashes..
Only few live the life. but deaths promised to the masses.

Take my heart rip it out at the seams..
Intertwine you with me and always believe..
You're never alone ill be in your dreams..
When your Heads in the clouds and the grounds at your feet..
Everyone loses so embrace defeat.
And laugh at fear if you ever do meet..
You're better than you know, wiser than you show..
I can tell you all I want but it's up to you to really know..
Chase your dreams promise you won't let them pass you..
And if you ever do fall I promise to catch you..
After all safety is what we all yearn for.