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James Plummer Dec 2013
Yet again i find myself,
pacing back and forth my path,
Fighting back tears of
frustration, how i feel
the need to ask questions
better left unspoken,
for the answer is sure
to bring pain and sadness,
I want them...
But i will not risk the cost
for i would rather them be
left unspoken and silent
than be whispers of torment
in ones mind.
I don't know if i could do it.
James Plummer Dec 2013
You say your poison will taint me
and that you will drag me down,
that you will drown me,
I'm stronger than i look and
stronger than i may seem,
Past relationships of fear,
that i will fade away
and sink with them,
without any knowledge or thought
of my strength,
You may think you can drown me,
but i am already gone,
the only thing left is your fear.
James Plummer Dec 2013
I have forever been the one
that catches people when they fall
or tries to keep spirits high
when things look darkest,
I snapped,
I broke,
5 years of strength,
5 years of blocking pain
behind my walls I thought impenetrable.
I feel the need to brag
about how hard it was,
How well I kept my secrets hidden
behind the smile I can no longer keep,
No-one is to blame but I,
I have always been the one
that wants to comfort but now,
I fear it is my turn to be comforted.
James Plummer Dec 2013
We may be apart,
don't think i will treat you different,
I will forever try to make you smile
even on your darkest days,
I will always call you beautiful
when your mind is clouded with doubt
I still will pray that god will help you
and see you though your troubles
in case you lose all hope.
None of these things i have to do
and most days you wonder why i bother
and yet no matter what i always try.
I feel the need to try,
I want to try
I will forever be here to catch you
whenever you start to fall,
i want you to rise high and shine bright
because above all
you deserve it.
James Plummer Jan 2014
What more need i say...
James Plummer Dec 2013
As i walk outside
and close the door,
I slowly pace
up and down my path,
I flick my ash
from my cigarette and
it gently falls like snow.
Its where i go to ponder,
life and some of its beauty
and by some i mean not much
and by not much i mean there is none.
For me atleast,
There was but it has passed.
Should i recover
i will not be the same,
but i will have seen through
this darkness.
James Plummer Dec 2013
I go out for walks,
Sometimes till dawn,
I do not choose where i go
i just walk
and let my feet take me,
More often than not,
I find myself walking
the same path to your door,
Almost three miles each night,
But then i remember
i have no place there
and am faced with turning back
and heading home,
Sad and lonely.
Yet again
James Plummer Dec 2013
My mind full of shrapnel,
From thoughts and feelings
i will not mend them
in fear of what i might find.
My body is unshaven wood,
Don't touch,
For you will catch my splinters.
I try to run
but my feet are scarred,
From the shattered dreams
and shattered hopes
of where i tread,
It seems all i leave is darkness,
and i hope i can find my light
someday.
James Plummer Dec 2013
I have no feeling
I have boxed it up
and have locked it away
far in my mind.
I am numb to all feeling
and have been ever since.
My kindness,
My generosity,
is it taken for granted,
am i too kind
or too forgiving.
am i too much,
or was i never enough.
I have always been numb,
no matter how hard i try
the pain is never there,
even when i need it the most,
why is it so hard
and for how long will it last...
James Plummer Dec 2013
I couldn't help it,
the need was too great,
far mightier than I,
I just couldn't ignore its whispers.
I lay on my bed in agony,
writhing at the thought,
that I would take my life
and ignore the cries
of pain it would cause.
I panicked.
How did I know
the night would end with this,
The first was blunt and upsetting,
The second was Sharp
and worked like a charm.
It felt better than I thought it would
far better,
I feared it would hurt too much,
but it was comforting,
I dont regret it
and maybe will sleep tonight,
I have yet to try.
James Plummer Jan 2014
The aching pain of your absence
still lingers in my near empty heart,
Feelings unchanged by time
people telling me i should forget and move on
and that it will fade but it doesn't,
all it does is tear me apart bit by bit,
they don't fade,
not because i don't want them to
but how they stuck so tight they are part of me.
Part of the best thing
that has happened to me in forever.
James Plummer Dec 2013
I wish i could do it,
Take that one step more,
My attempt to fly
it seems so simple.
But yet i can't,
I couldn't,
I dont think i ever will,
For i fear the heartbreak
and the heartache.
How could i let go
knowing the pain
it will cause.
Why is it i would rather
live the pain
than be the cause.
Why is it i care so much...

— The End —