I walk this lonely road
But it the only one I've ever  known
I try to hide the pain behind a smoke
I'll light this cigaret
and hide all my worries behind it
I walk this road alone by choice
I hide behind my smokes and my ****
I hide behind the things you wouldn't expect of me
I'll walk this road alone it's my choice
This way I don't get hurt
I'll just keep walking
And making the choices you wouldn't expect

I am cynical
I am lost
I tie anchors to my feet
and complain when I drown
I am clingy, corrupt
I need so many people
yet I push them away
when they get too close
I am broken
I am scarred
I build my walls
and I tear them down
I'm lonely, tired, sad
I am a mess.
Make sense of me?

I am sorry, so sorry
To have hurt you like this
I wish my life were brighter
So that I would not be so afraid
Of letting you become a part of it
But life for me is a scorching desert
That would put hell's brightest embers to shame
And my heart is crippled and bleeding
From what he did to me
I have been shattered into so many shards
I cannot let you come any closer
Lest you cut yourself on my broken pieces.

we grew up surrounded
by boys who taste like *****
and smell like cigars
or girls with too many playthings
and not enough decency
we grew up thinking that
no one will ever fall in love with us
because lust is often mistaken for a connection
and there are only words to get what you want
we grew up with empty bottles
and broken hearts
because love? Love is great when it lasts;
but it never lasts.

tucked into the safety of your arms
held against your chest in a blissful silence
is this what heaven is? it must be,
for if it is not, I want no part in it.
Your hand strokes my back
and sleep creeps ever closer
my eyes are closing and I await the nightmares
that have plagued me for so long
but I awake some time after
in no cold sweat, no scream echoing from my lips
you're looking at me with eyes that hold such love;
I never thought anyone could look at me like that
a smile plays on your mouth, and its infectious joy
sends a thrill through me and a giggle rolls of my tongue
Your heartbeat was a steady drum that sent me to sleep
and your love was a warrior that chased away
all of the demons that crawl onto my shoulder
when sleep settles and vulnerability encloses me
I never knew a person could feel like home
but you are the only shelter i have ever felt
from this agonizing storm inside of me
I beg you, your beautiful love for me
has returned the light to my eyes and my life
Please stay?
I know you will
I know you will.

I miss you
No, you don't
You miss my words,
and how they made you feel
like you could live happily
You do not miss me

I have decided
I know what you're debating
I have told you not to, many times
Each time you ask for my help
and for 3 long years I tried to help
but it is not my job to save you

I want to die
I know you feel that way, I know
but tell your girlfriend, friends,
better yet, tell your therapist
Not I, who you left at the side of the road
with a broken and confused heart
Do not ask me to fix you

Oh, so you've moved on then?
I rebuilt my life without you,
as I saw you rebuilding yours
But you came crawling back
when I was finally happy
And you tried to creep your way
back into my veins
I washed you out with the tears I shed

It is not my job to save you,
and you made that quite clear to me
when you told me you no longer loved me
do not say you miss me now that I am gone
do not try to tear me away from my new love
the one who holds me when you do this

You are breaking me, and stealing parts of me
in order to fix yourself

I am 10 and the things said to me
again and again are like bullets
in my gut, and punches to my head
they tell me 'its your fault your dad died'
but my friend still turns to me and says
'god, you're so perfect'
I am 12 and these things are still being said
but now by different people, infact,
they are being said by the boy I used to care for
funny that, i thought he cared too

I am 13 and my eyes are bloodshot
and the ****** tissues on my bed
from the state of my wrists
lay scattered in pieces, much like my life
and the next day my friend asks
'why are you so perfect Georgia?'
but she hasn't seen my wrists yet
and she doesn't know about how many tablets
i've taken in one night
just to escape this so-called "perfection"

Now I am 14 and while my friends are out
having a laugh and making memories
I am sitting at home with an elastic band
tied around my wrist, so i keep pinging it
because people started to comment on the state
of my wrists, and legs, and stomach
and I couldn't bear any more mockery
But I'm on pills now, every morning
to control these urges to rid myself
My friend, naive is she, still messages me
saying 'I want to be as perfect as you'
No darling, you do not want this
whatever this may be,
it is not perfection
what sort of perfection
kills you from the inside?

That's all I'm good at,
just pushing away.
You deserve none of what I give,
yet why do I give it all.
You can tell me it wasn't my fault,
tell me all you like,
I will always know it is,
and I will always know it was.
I hang my head in shame,
as I watch you fall apart.
I sit on the side lines,
wishing I was different,
that these weren't my ways.
Why do I do it,
why do I push away,
why cant I keep you close,
just like the rest?

there are ghosts in these walls
and they whisper such sweet things
but only late at night
when lucifer crawls from the shadows
and beckons me closer to hell
i would like to tell you it is all a nightmare
but morning comes and greets me
and i am stood on a cliff edge.

did I jump? or did these ghosts push my frail body
down to the chasm of hellfire below?
I can't quite remember anymore
it's been a while since those ghosts spoke to me

The pain buries itself,
deep within me,
nesting in my soul,
The only way out,
broken flesh,
through the never ending flow.
Silent screams,
cries for help,
the only path I know.
The pain I feel,
becoming the pain I felt,
until the next tear falls.