Last pane of glass

It seems like now I cannot look at myself anymore.
Too afraid to see the reflection of a broken man.
I wish I could put on a smile and act like everything is okay
Maybe that's what I need to do to.
Perhaps the illusion of joy
is all I need to finally find myself and believe that I have the strength to pull through.

Every minute turns to an hour and every hour turns to a day this is the price I have to pay
for letting misery become my only friend and for letting darkness into my life and using it
as my only thread.

When the nightingale sings I have to ask myself why am I getting up what can today possibly bring.
I am glad if you are coping and I know that our future is on it's way to unfolding but I have to be honest and true. I can't live in a world without you.

I wish I could look up I hope that I can find some reason within all the rhyme and I will be sure to tolerate every ounce of pain because at the end of the day I would do anything for you even if it means that I get left behind in the rain.

I cannot care for a man who I cannot come to love I'm constantly searching for the holy dove but everywhere I look I get reminded that I'm searching for something that I can never find.

I'm trying my best and I don't care for the rest because all the paths I walk leads back to you because you are the only person that can see through my mask and show me that I can indeed be true.

I shall wait patiently and I shall put in my every breath and ounce of energy.
I'm sorry if I cannot mask my emotions but it's all because I love you.
I'm sorry that I react in silence and that I'm not putting my thoughts out there as of yet
because at the moment every time I look into your eyes I have to bite my tongue
and catch the tears I wish I could never shed.

My heart is like a mirror and the last pane still reflects but a single image and that's but my deepest desire.
To have you back and to hold you tightly , without you I have to look for reason to keep on fighting.

The green monster that of greed and that of lust.
Why oh why my God am I content to this constant
distrust I know I trust her I believe in your healing land
but jealousy still seems to take the upper hand .

Jealousy the sin that builds upon so many others please give my heart peace
and save me from my minds never ending deceit.

Though darkness may come though death may appear nothing will stop me from holding you near .

Bullets and fire I will take if it were your desire ,brimstone and pain I feel embrace if I can save you and give you your grace .To God I prayed in the light and in the shade to show me love to send me his angelic dove for I'm half a man without her kiss I am nothing if not for her .

I don't want fame and fortune what is the point of being rich if I can't even blow it on her smile ? I would crawl through deserts I would swim the nile and it would be worth every mile for your eyes speak of destiny and your touch whispers fate can I be the one to catch your tears when you are in your blackened state ?

I'ts been 6 years daddy every moment meant the world to me .
Mommy loved you , you were my hero when I thought I was a zero.
I couldn't wait till you came back home after a long hard honest day with no one cutting you any slack. I truly believed everything was perfect you taught me all you knew but as the clock ticked you became scarce and a selfish heart started to intrude..

A demon of your past wandering waiting to come back at us all with a firm and blackest grip. Friends were you new pride and joy and alcohol your lover.

As tears went by and bitterness grew vanity and ignorance became your only allies ...

It's been 14 years daddy we left you and all your vanity.
I see you every once in awhile not knowing if its bringing us closer or using my broken spirit as your arrogance's coaster. Mommy is crying and my heart is breaking can't anyone see my darkness roots back to fatherless fears and that's why all anyone see is tears.

It's been 19 years now daddy we gave you your last chance and you decided to greet your lover vanity ..

Was it worth the tears was it worth the fears do I still love you or do I miss what I never knew maybe in heaven we will both see the truth...

None can escape the dark just like no one can escape the their shadow.
It can come with twinkling stars and phases of the moon.
Or it can come from the bowels of hell or the deepest black heart.

The more there is the less you see .
But the more pain you feel the stronger
you get....

What is this mystery this illusion of both the mind and reality?
Who is this benevolent entity that brings both joy and sorrow,
beauty and that which is grotesque?

WHO IS DARKNESS?........

Our hearts have been broken and my smile has been stolen.
We where a mask to hide our faces, we live in a world
prepared to shoot us down but would they ever fill up
our empty spaces?

The chords to my heart have been plucked and played as if it were
a guitar, every time I start to believe I get left with another scarr.

You are the emotion to my song
you are the melody that I oh so long......

As night falls I'll wake from my hell
some may call my mind I'll do this all
to just pull you near and hold you tight.

I've lost so many of my fears and I'll keep
pushing forward till I've dried the very
last of your tears.......

If you have the strength to believe me then I'll summon
what's left of my soul and use every ounce of my burnt
out spirit to give you a life worth living for. And I
know through the eyes of an angel I'll see every clouds
silver lining.

I'll be with you till after forever even when your hands
turn cold and your heart stops beating.

You are the emotion to my song you are the missing chord
that belongs.

So lets embrace this moment lets cherish this beautiful kiss
I love you my cure to the darkness now let me be your
hero you changed this broken soul and I finally believe I'm no zero.

You hurt me you kicked me just like she did.
I can't live without the pain no I don't want to
be left in the rain..

I woke up smiling wondering, planning how I could give you wings
little did I know about loves burning cold sting. Look at me! I gave you
my heart . You laughed at me! You were my art....

You hurt me ,you picked me just like she did.
You deceived me you promised me forever, you
fed me lies just like she did...

I can't live without you ....seems though that doesn't mean anything to you?
I can see the truth now ,nothing ever lasts..

I can feel the hurt now ,I'm imprisoned by my past.
Every memory I put away and I framed each touch
with so much care , it'll be the last time I leave her my soul
broken and bare...............


FAREWELL MY ANGEL , maybe I can find love from the darkness..

Days fade .... lonely nights without a single star.
I stare at the ceiling sharpening my blade
and waiting in the dark..
You murdered my mind and took my love.
You'll believe my hands are tied, well I promise YOU
Father I'll take back what's mine.

You are a book without it's ink
I cry and cry pleading for someone
that could make me whole but I suppose
its not enough to make you think.

Fake smiles and hollow words is all you taught me daddy..
can't you see you have paved a road that's morbid and saddening?

Blow out my smile do it for the broken and the vile..
***** the flame as your love decays.

Your eyes are so demeaning
I have to pretend that I'm blind
to keep myself from seeing.
Don't do this dear Father your'e meant to be my Martyr.

Life without purpose
death without meaning
is this the life we have chosen
one without feeling?

I wait for the day the day when you see what you have sold....
WHEN MY HEART STOPS BEATING AND MY HANDS TURN COLD.....