I sit alone in my room.
not unusual
for someone like me.

I've lost hope,
so precious, so pure.
So vile, so raw.

This heart,
it beat
for you and you only.

And when you left
I was lost.

I spent so many years
searching
for the light that lived in your eyes.
The spark of your smile,
that set the room ablaze.

Only to find,
That the spark had been drowned
In a wave of hatred
and bitterness.
and *****.

Though I found you,
My heart remains lost.
Knowing that you are not you,
I am not me.

My heart beats wildly,
and frantically,
looking for a way out, a place to hide.

And so I make a desicion.

50 asprin
layed neatly in row
across my kitchen counter.
light shines on little opals

I find a memory of you
and I swallow it,
with the pill.
burying it deep inside.
no way out now.

15 minutes later

I am lying on the floor
swimming in my own *****.
My heart beats wildly
and frantically.


And my
Heart beating
Head spinning
I am
your smile