I could live without
Another day like today
The hour of realizing
It was not like any other
Was liberating and
Heartbreaking
At the same time

It's not so much that you hadn't aged
Or that I didn't notice it
I only wished I'd been there to witness
The changes
How time rearranged the subtle glow
Of your beauty
Replaced with something profound
The marking of experience
Eyes looking for innocence
Seldom finding it anywhere
But your smile was still real
Genuine, authentic
Not a trace of a lie on those lips
A much younger man would not have seen it
A secret
Precious few can keep it
You looked enchanting to me
Never too old we grew together
Cast in a Bogart-Bacall romance
Fated to last but for one evening
One electric night to compensate
For too many years to count
When you pulled me down to receive your kiss
They all shrank into a moment
In which I experienced each and every second
The gloss spread on your lips
A taste I can recall from memory even now
Sweet, a hint of spearmint and alcohol
Such a lucid thought
Brings this old tin man to life

They knew he was leaving the band
It broke their hearts
Like loosing an arm or a leg
Sometimes they cried about it
When they played the ethereal songs
They pictured stars in another universe
His was going supernova
Would never recover
He didn't feel as if he was being
Left behind
To a quieter life
A wife, a child, a Name
He'd done what he set out to do
The dream was no longer his to chase
It was his to share

Judge for yourselves, brothers and sisters
The weight of your words
The worth of your thoughts
Before putting them on paper
If you choose to give them away
They must stand on their own
You must be prepared to be misunderstood

I'd rather know than believe
But I believe in you
Knowing you'll never show

Knowing I'll never know
Yet still
Believing you're all that matters

I don't trust things I can't see through
They're as trustworthy as I am
Solid, taking up space

Faith in God, faith in you
I sometimes have trouble finding
A difference in the two

Faith's a gift
Belief's a risk
Selah

I'd rather have faith than to know
Walking the mundane streets of this life I've been given
A little uncertainty is a good thing

So long as you're the central theme
Magnetic north
A lighthouse guiding me home

When I get there I'll know
Arms entwined, dying to faith and belief
Into eternal life of omniscience

Knowing
As we are known
Selah

Which key did I tap
Accidentally
That deleted my poem?
Why could it not be undone?
I watched the words vanish from the screen
And felt my heart sink
Literally felt my stomach tighten
Gone, just like that
No way in hell it's ever coming back
I strained my mind with every line
And the fact it was so long
Meant I liked where it was going
I hoped I could keep it moving even longer
But I hit that **** key
Cursed keyboard, whatever it was
And all my thoughts ashes in flames
A 52 year old man, I felt like crying
Careful not to do that again

Prison walls aren't always brick and mortar
Cages not made of wire
Chains and locks not always seen
Will one day be broken
It's that day I'm dyin' for
One day the door will be flung wide open
It's that day I'm dyin' for
I'm breaking out this prison of my mind
It's that day I'm dyin' for
All the things that keep me here
Where love is overshadowed by fear
I'm gonna drop 'em like a hot plate
I'm gonna wake up, my eyes wide open
Bolt headlong into a dream of infinity
Leave behind this stagnating shell
Celebrate emancipation
I'm dyin' for that day

Until then
I find something new
In Mahler's symphonies
Each time I hear them
With each new day
A blessing small or large
A dose of anger and disgust
The satisfaction of knowing
I'm right when I am
Admitting I don't always know
That I'm not always right
Noticing when I find myself
Enjoying
Something I never used to like

In school
Looking through our literature book
At the poetry selections
I always liked the ones by
Carl Sandburg
Because they looked and read
The least like poetry
I didn't like poetry back then
With it's sing song meters and
Pregnant metaphors
I was just a kid
I like poetry a lot more now
Though I don't understand too much
I know enough to think a lot less of
Carl Sandburg now than I did then
Which is no reflection on Sandburg
I'm sure I'll eventually come back round to him

And yet joy still is elusive
For all the cruel thoughts subjugated
Hatefulness controlled
My mind is still not conditioned
To feel that joy again
It's been too long

Joy comes
A moment seems forever
Until you pass out of it
You know you can't endure that joy
For long
You want to cling to it's sweet caress
Even as you feel sanity slipping, sliding
Into visions of heaven, God and Spirit
Joy and Despair, rising and falling
Never knowing how long
How long to sing this song
How long the wait
How long until joy breaks through
Like the sun on a grey cloudy day
Threatening rain
Promising nothing
Only the slightest glimpse of hope
And a prayer that next time
The moment will last
Just a little bit
Longer
Than
Forever

she told me
"i don't use hashtags"
so i told her "come with me"
and i took her to a church in the fields
where my grandfather served as deacon
i told her "get on the phone
call a priest
i'm going to make you mine"
i never use hashtags
her body turned me on
her mind kept me running
"the priest can't make it until tomorrow"
**** the luck

I want to enter into your suffering
Be a part of the controversy
I've felt the wind guide me
Into the fibers of your body
My blunted mind still sharp enough
To recognize the truth
Though I recoil
I feel the pain when you are insulted
I am ashamed when the world lines up
To spit in your face
I want to take that abuse with you
I want to be a martyr for the cause
Together recognizing
The absolute
As one in the journey
To becoming
Returning
Being

Starlight freckle the open night sky
Some famous classical composer's work is on the radio
It sounds intricate and elaborate
I've heard it before but I can't
Remember his name
A good soundtrack for reckoning
As my Ambien helps usher me off to sleep
Who is gonna remember my name
I haven't even written a symphony
And I know I never will
I'm not half as proud as you think I am
Sitting cross-legged and naked beneath the moon
I love being alone in the cold air and darkness
What do I really know?
You know what they say about opinions
There's just enough truth in every one to make a sale, to seal the deal
I'm no writer, I'm no poet
Don't think for a moment
That I don't know it
But I share these night visions with you
I call it poetry sometimes
For lack of a better word
I of all people know
If I moved a mountain and made you think twice
Or made you think, "aha, yes, that's just the way it is"
It wasn't me except as a channel
For the one who brings on
Such universal agreement
The only absolute
You know it's name
Whether you will speak it or not
Determines many things

Swinging innuendos
Took one on the chin
Let her get away with it
Won't happen again
Transparent metaphors
Got something to hide
She doesn't want me to know about
Clues will be denied
I can't write anymore
For fear of what she'll say
Even if she flatters me
It's only for a day
I'm nothing next to her bright star
With nothing content to bring
She keeps me looking for meanings
In the most meaningless things

I'll write a list of all the things I'm thankful for
Then I'll write another of all the burdens I've carried
And I won't stop writing until one is longer than the other
Then I'll take them both and throw them in the fire
Do it again next year

I want to resist the urge to be right
Jump into the fire, sway like the flame
Explode on contact and take pleasure
In ceasing to be
I need to be it one more time
To know what it is
Then embrace it like a lost daughter
I'm needing to be
Electricity is the word I use
A substitute for drugs
Which are themselves a substitute
For belief
But it's belief I'm sick of
Faith only takes one so far
It may be as far as we'll ever truly need
At this moment not far enough
I could be a puppet
I wouldn't mind
As long as the one who pulls the strings
Believes in me
As long as the one who gives me speech
Brings me to life and guides my steps
Calls me his own
Calls me his own
At this moment I understand
Blessed, sacred moment
At this moment words are failing
I am falling

Creeps up to me like a serpent
Exaggerating, hissing white lies
Subtle black magic weaving
Uncertainty
Makes me read between the lines
For accusations from straight out of nowhere

I'll get over it soon enough
Cut the snake's head off
Find a way to make it right
With only my thoughts for company
If I can keep them in line
If I can stay sane
If I can overcome
Suspicion

He didn't live in darkness
It was the light he couldn't bear
Illuminating the futility
Exposing the reality
A world full of selfish people
A trait of the species
Darkness would have been his friend
To hide the truth he could not deny
Obfuscate lust, greed and pride
Survival of the fittest, hey that's alright
Instead he proclaimed humanity's state
Without the hope of even temporary escape
Grim as the Reaper knocking at your door

A car crash aftermath
You can't help but slow down
Turn to see what's there to see
But not for long
The guy in front of you slowed down too
(We've all the same hard wired brain)
Lest you find more than you thought
Not turn back in time
And rear end the other guy

He found ways to sing of loneliness
Despair given a melody
Between the look in his eyes and
The tremble in his voice
He could sell it to a poor man
He was no faker
As real as the sun
That will burn out the eyes of the one
Who gazes too long
At it's blazing light
From light years away
Giving decieving darkness
For the moments you bask in it's glow

The burden was too much for his skinny back
More than the weight of many worlds
He fell beneath his own weight
To him the logical response
But not to me
And not to you
Regardless the empathy and solidarity
How he seemed to have read our mind
Known our story, all our years to now
But he never knew the ending
How I wish it would have been his too
ESCAPE
From the blinding darkness and the piercing light
My third eye has been blind
Open it,  Lord
Show me the reason
And I will sing your song

Been down this road before
I know
Still got a long way to go
I'm tired from doing nothing
Chemical weary
I was hoping for no side effects
The windscreen wipers don't help
It's a stuttered rhythm they scrape
Hypnotic as the white line
That keeps me on the track
Oncoming headlights make raindrops
Bright shining diamonds
Whisked away
Miles seen so **** long
The heat makes my eyelids heavy
Bur frost keeps me from turning it off
Something keeps me running
But tonight I couldn't tell you what

Lover of my soul
Fill my heart with wonder
My head with mystery
Glowing through the other side
Inviting me to break away
To leave this paradigm
If even for a short time
Pour over me or **** me in
Baptism of sound
How many times born again
Balm of peace and relaxation
Spirit hands, rub it in
For forty five years not a day's gone by
Without your centering presence
Never getting old
You speak to me of
Never getting old
Something worth singing about

Monica, all I ever had to offer was my love
Someone somewhere someone knew
That wouldn't be enough
You slipped from my existence
With the ringing of the phone
I would not see you again
Something I should have known
I should have seen it coming
From miles down the road
When it finally came to me
I should have seen it go
Monica, your name could stop me
Hopeless in my place
Your elvish smile, your puppet frame
Devoid of tact or grace
Devilish I made you out
The demon you could be
Made me want you all the more
For things I could not see
Dancing close I felt I knew
How empty your world was
That I could be the very thing
To give your life a cause
Monica you laughed at all
My lame *** poetry
Even so I didn't mind as long
As you were beside me
And then there was the kiss
That made me think I could
Do all the things I promised you
The things I said I would
But even as I felt your breath
And held you 'gainst my chest
Something in the way you moved
All my fears addressed
Monica, I should have known
But I wanted you so much
You were as ******* up as I was
Toxic to the touch
I had nothing for you
I only thought I did
Now the years have made it clear
I only thought I did
I never had anything
I only thought I did
I didn't want to give it away
I only thought I did

I knew a crazy man once said
"We were born into confusion
Not quite a happy home"
And I thought that was some sage wisdom
But then he said
"Now it's gettin' better
We've found a way to make it better"
And I was reminded of how crazy he was

It ain't gettin' better
This world is nothing but confusion
From the day we're born
Straight on through
Until the day we lay down and die

You can call me crazy for sayin' that
I won't fault you for it
But O, my love, you're bleeding

Colorado stoners firing it up
Lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky luck

From what deep well of despair
Did you draw the crisp clean draught
Of incontrovertible truth?
How many shrank from the reflection
Cast plainly from your gaze?
The marionette caught up in the maelstrom
Uncomfortable to watch
Reservoir of human suffering
You wouldn't close your eyes
Perhaps you saw too much

I walked away from absolutes
Emotions bleeding out
Determined never to return
Preferring the sting of the hailstone
Whipped by the wind of a cyclone

The relentless hard reason I thought I served
Began to liquify and poured through my hands
The truth exposed it not as a liar
But a murderer of souls
Satiating for a long season
Before withering and void of any hope

I floated in a purgatorial ocean
Uncaring, unfeeling, not even knowing
I was waiting
I thought I saw a chasm
But it must have been a reflection in the sunlight
A signal flare to let me know
The enigma is still there

Now I don't believe love has a feeling
Maybe joy, maybe passion
But never true love
Love doesn't channel feelings
Love channels absolutes
Now I can't walk away again
The next big storm might do me in
Love will find me joy and passion
In exchange for sacrifice and service
I must only believe
The absolutes are truth and wiser than I
Everything else is just waiting to die

I see atoms
Fall down like rain
A paper thin curtain
Hiding the eternal
A weak barricade
Though strong enough

In which the glass is filled with sand
Minutes into hours, as full as is allowed
Waiting for someone to come along
And turn it over again
Or break it with a hammer
Grains pouring out with shattered glass
The smashing blow of destiny

Impermanence
Life's greatest lesson
Is the most difficult to learn
Almost impossible to embrace
Until one realizes the value of freedom
That nothing lasts forever
Is good news indeed

A flock of penguins shivering
Sing to mothers and fathers
Voices quiver, the cold wind moans
A mournful symphony
"Inside we're on fire
You rise up
Inside of all
You sigh"
What is language to a penguin?
The sound they make
Singing and freezing
Breaks my heart
In every way I love
Having my heart broken
**
Signals coming through now
Rough winter all over the world
White
Powder coats everything
Toes numb, frost bitten
I don't care if I'm where
I need to be
Numbness is exquisite
When my heart is on fire
Those flames are all I want
To feel
This song is gasoline
Turn it up
***
Now I am encouraged to go to sleep
To find that nirvana spot
And ride it into dreams
Of penguins
Frostbite and fire
Where logic and reason are illusion
No one speaks the language
And dream time is generous
A lifetime spent in moments
Your eyeballs rolling 'round like
Magnets and marbles
Goodnight my son, Goodnight sweet daughter
Goodnight dear woman
Sleep well knowing
I don't pray to never wake up anymore

You get hungry for the way it was
           Even though the way it was...

Killed you slowly,
                    slowly broke you down
             Killed the part of you
Kept apart from everyone else
           part of the past you won't let die
When the best you can do is help it die
                                         do it
  Drown the voices, I'd do it for you if I could
                                                           ­ and I can
You only have to know the difference I can show you if you let me
You take all your selfishness and fascination with evil
You take all your anger and anxieties
You take all your fears and misconceptions
You take all your judgment and hypocrisy
                               you see it's all hypocrisy at the core
     That's keeping you away from doing something about it
                  We're all this way
           When we all recognize it we can move to the meat of the ******
                Stuff it all inside a golem, chant a few prayers
Even your dead god listens to that chant
          Small case god just isn't the One that can hold it under the water
            Not strong enough, not long enough to keep it under
                                                                ­It's got to be held under forever
                   Before it loosens the grip it's got on you
              But the right hand, the right chant, can you tell me what's next?
Struggles and bubbles, muffled screams, it was you but no more
                          Murdered that illness, left it on the ocean floor
     Only an illness, no demon or serpent crawling on the floor
  We're killing it with chemicals, ripping theses from the door
  We're tearing them up
  We're throwing them out
  We're never going to hunger again for the
                                                             ­               way
                                              ­                                      it
                                                                ­                       was

I've allowed these sounds space
To find a home in between my ears
Metal Machine
Music of the Spheres
Bass digging deep, rattling intestines
Unfamiliar sounds to boggle the mind
Calm the beast and soothe the breast
No catgut drawn across string
Or human muscle powering the beat
Electricity, electronic alchemy
Like lightning streaking across the night sky
Left to right, blink and you'll miss it
Sonic ice, freezing sheen, dripping into sharp daggers
They fall and impale
This is the sound they make
When cold first hits the brain

That old song from the seventies
Is as sappy as the thought
That it still could make me feel something
For you
But the seventies are long gone
With them a lot of other things
Not the least of which is
Any appreciation whatsoever
For this sappy song
From the seventies
Or
The puppy love sick sensorium
That is a teenager's heart

I don't care about your politics
Your choice is your choice
I don't care about your religion
Or if you like girls or boys
Red, pink or yellow
Purple or black
Kiss or **** me, bore or thrill me
Put a knife into my back
I care about the things that make you smile
Never out fashion, always in style
Songs and singers and players
Beethoven, Bach  & Slayer
Worlds of words for your escape
Poetry and basement tapes
I live for the smile that I bring
To your face whenever I sing
That Beatles song, the one I made
Into a lullaby when you were a babe
Yes, life's a long and winding road
You carry that weight, it's a heavy load
But in the end indeed I have found
You can count a lot of blessings when you finally turn around
And that's the smile I'm talking about
No room for disagreement or doubt
No room for religion in paradise
No need to choose sides or ask for advice

*PostScript
God listens to the praises and prayers of His people
But He REALLY loves the sound of laughter

The goal is to make a big statement
To stitch your heart on your sleeve
Tell everyone to watch it bleed
Roll out maps
Plot out universes smaller than a grain of sand
Witness the subtle transformation
Of the man
Into the god
Then back again
Open your bedroom doors and share
The smell of ***
Or give away the key
To your three lock box
It's so much harder capturing the essence
Of the genuine article
Because love ain't always what you think it is
Some people don't realize they're drowning in it
And that's a big statement
But it's true
It ain't just a feeling
And it ain't all there is
But sometimes
It's the only thing
Worth writing about

We survived progress
The three of us
Secluded high on Mt. Ararat
Safe from radioactive fog
We have all we need
More than we could ever want
We have everything

What kind of bees gather in such masses?
You're raining and then you're clear again
They'll pay to hear you babble such nonsense
You're surfing in near perfection
You're ruined by the pure maybe
After the loss, In the shadows
Fly fly fly fly fly
Float
I'll throw this to the ones watching
See just how hungry they are

On Ararat we long for a new language
To express the confusion of loneliness
Knowing that nothing will change a thing
But still, to talk
We must remind each other of who we are
Once in a while
It's not easy being the world

What did you come for?
A soliloquy?
A sonnet from a madman?
Madmen, true madmen don't do sonnets
They assault and jar
They resent being toyed with
In no uncertain terms will they tell you
What they think of you
In the guise of a poem
But chances are you won't get it

I sat in front of a wood burning stove
Feeding pages from a spiral notebook
To the fire
Leaves and more leaves sparsely scribbled on
Because there was a conciseness and brevity
To my poetry that conveyed the stark nature
The rudimentary nature of my state of mind
The flames ate it up

I apologize
I haven't smiled in such a long time
It's hurting my face

We're pushing up against a wall
Rain thrown like bullets in a storm
Pelting
Stinging
Burning for something just out of reach
A patient moonbeam
The sound of unfamiliar animals, wild
Huddled beneath the pouring water
Sheltered by alien trees
Push, push, though it never gives
We are here to push

They are gathering again
I can hear them through the whispered breeze
Speaking in tongues, rattling swords
Waiting for the clarion call
Here she comes, baby, here she comes
Hear their marching feet
The war songs so beautifully deceiving
A company of angels
Armed for an onslaught
Unfamiliar animals

How did we wind up here in the first place?
That's all I'd really like to know
Airplanes and cannonballs
Relative oxygen
Hark, I can hear the battle horns
A mournful bellowing
Signifying
Victory
Cracks in the wall

Dances for victory, dance with the enemy
Yes, they see our fear
Empty and they soon fall and run
Busted by confusion
Just lay down, be still, they may not see you
Try not to breathe
It's not that hard
It's not so hard

Maybe we'll get lucky this time
The wall surely will relent
Sing like a bird, woo-hoo
**** two with one stone
Get lucky, this is the time
This is the place
Throwing sevens to the wind

And I'll never be so easy to read
And I'll never be your tough nut to crack
And I'll never be a grounded lightning rod
And I'll never be caught in a loop
And I'll never be anything but me
Me is all I'll ever be

Funeral procession crawls down the sidewalk
Carrying bodies tied to chains
Dragging them to the cemetery
Mumbling prayers, saying them backwards
That's the language the devil understands

How long and how far?
How are you forever?
Back and forth, my love
Feel your love forever

Breathe in, breathe out
Listen to the rasp
Start counting

Of course I don't know what it means
Do I look that smart to you?

Some push with their backs against the wall

In stark liquid darkness I drown
Only the voices in my head to convince me
I'm still among the land of the living
One sounds like me
The other sounds like my dad
After his voice turned weak
Only two days into a hospital stay
When a blood clot killed him in the middle of the night
I was not there
I ask if he was asleep when it happened
He avoids the question
I ask if he died in pain and confusion, alone in the darkness
He wants to talk about George Jones
So I talk to him about George Jones
And Waylon Jennings and Merle Haggard
All the country singers I love in part
Because he loved them so
I stand outside and listen to the conversation
He never asks me why I wasn't there
I never tell him
I let him talk and talk and talk some more
Until his voice sounds even more sore
Leukemia had it's prize stolen from right before it's eyes
They'd only  had time to shave his head
He didn't look much like my dad
I ask him how he made it seem easier than it was
He seemed to take my mother's leaving harder
But that was a long time ago, those years
Probably taught him some tricks
He said it was easier
Because I wasn't there

The prophet is six minutes late
I was really looking forward to his analysis
Of the characters on "Lost"
Six minutes is unusual for him
The prophet is usually early
I thought he was excited to see the program
Not realizing what he'd missed in it's network run
Not one to give his money to Netflix or iTunes or Amazon or blah blah blah
He's never heard of the Dharma Initiative

Ah...the prophet has arrived
I knew I shouldn't give up hope

We were not made for the world
Dreamers and poets, singers of songs
Try to describe what we see
Before it crushes us
And we hurt for everyone
And we gotta shut it down
Lest we become consumed by the pain
Of another
Not even our own

The city laughs at the proud, confident of their street smarts
They go so far
Infinity goes further
Darkness follows infinity
They will fall into the abyss
Vertigo will take over their mind
Second guessing
This is how artists are born
Subdued by the world
Knowing better than to touch a live wire
While standing in puddles of tears

I never hoped to be a sage or a seer
I'm just another singer reaching for a song
Tired of asking the eternal questions
Not knowing if the answers that I think I've found are wrong
I've been looking out for something to believe in
But faith is hard to come by in these times
And I can't help but judge myself severely
Who can take the punishment and fit it to the crime?

I think I'm walking backwards
I don't trust my own mind
I hope I'm doing the right thing
Leaving all these things behind

I spent all my life searching for the meanings
Of some things I was never meant to know
Always on the outside, looking inside
Knowing I should leave but never knowing where to go
And all I know could fit inside a thimble
Just a drop of wine in the bottom of a glass
Frightened of the last breath I'll be breathing
There is no comfort now in knowing all things, too, must pass

I think I'm walking backwards
I don't trust my own mind
I only hope I'm doing the right thing
Leaving all these things behind

So if I seem a prisoner of my own thoughts
If I seem to mock reality
If my mind seems to slip into oblivion
I'm looking for the things I know are there but still can't see
I'll satisfy my soul with poets' nonsense
I'll be content with someone else's song
Their memories will keep me from believing
That all the things I thought were real, vapors all along

I don't want to walk away from you
But you know I've lost my mind
I hope I've done the right thing
Now that I've left it all behind

Another day to drown in sound
Arms open, legs still, no struggle
I just drink it in then
I breathe it in then
I sink to the source
Where vibrations toll new tones

And I was Quasimodo, rope in hand
Ringing bells louder than the life I live
Sound pushing waves of air into me
Knocking me over, shaking my guts
I couldn't hear the sound of my own laughter
Or the screams of my ears bleeding

And I was lost in space, doomed to die alone
In silence
I did not realize silence could be deafening
A vacuum pops the only thing breaks is
I stopped talking to myself yesterday
I was driving myself insane

And I believed all music was from God
As He said
He would comfort me with songs of deliverance
And I may have been fooling myself
But I believed God was in all music
I still believe that

Open the gates of heaven, the first song I hear
Will be the best song I ever heard in my life
Peter will ask me what I think and I'll tell him
Then he'll tell me it's the weakest track on the record
"Wait until you get to the middle"
That's how I'll know I'm in heaven

Thomas
Behold My side
Stick your hand in deep
Explore the spear's wound
Feel it
Touch it
Squeeze it like slick, glistening *****
Reach in further
Grab hold of whatever you can
And
QUICK!
Pull it out
You can have it
I don't need it

*Enough of generic songs about simple things easily understood. Let someone else bring the good vibes. I wanted to ask the eternal questions. I wanted to float some possible answers by you.

I look into the abyss
Slow down the spiral
Stare deep into darkness that shines
Envelopes
Embraces
Caresses
I'm searching for a story
Hoping I'll see a ghost
Wanting to follow
The seldom trod path that would take me
To imagination
I want to see movement
Progression
Something I can remember
Something I can sing about
Something I can write down
Something that makes sense

I'm tired
I'm so tired of trying to twist and fold the moment
I'm sick of being so ******* impressed
So sure that I could do no more
There could be anything more to do

I thought myself a sage
I convinced myself I was a poet
Yet my deepest fear was that someone would understand my poetry

Still
Even now the snow whirls a static blizzard 'neath the glass
What I wouldn't give to infuse form and color
Solidity
To mold the void into living dream

Tonight I ride the cusp of the moment
Deeper, deeper into infinity
I'm only taking a few songs with me
Let the world move on
Clouds dissipate
Here and gone
Gone nowhere
I'm surfing those clouds tonight
To the eternal center
A few songs to guide me
Tell me what I was on the abandoned side of the veil
See it in the light of eternity
I'll learn it's value
When I can appreciate it I'll seek distraction
Jump back in the water
Try not to drown

The man kept saying "My nerves are shot"
He kept repeating, "My nerves are shot, my nerves are shot"
His nerves were shot, they were frazzled
His nerves were ******* electrical hazzards
And I was the ******* who shot them to ****

He broke his fist, put a hole in the wall
The man was ******, he knocked a hole in the wall
Fell to his knees, he was broken
Said a lot of things, left a lot more things unspoken
And I was the ******* who put him back together

For days and days
Seemed that it would never end
How could he make up for the days
He stopped trying to pretend
That he loved me

The man is saying "I don't remember"
He keeps repeating, "I don't remember, I don't remember"
He has forgotten all of the little details
A mental block on the memories that would **** him
And I'm the ******* who wants him to remember

Skirting 'round the boredom of the day
Is a skill
I have developed
Through the long, empty years
****** upon me by mean 'ol One-Eye
A temporary fix
Still useful for a time
It keeps the push from becoming a shove
A defense mechanism
Manipulation of time, streams of ballast
All the while
Weakening
This becomes obvious as
The voices tell me it is so
They keep me awake at night
There's no shutting them up
Not hateful tones
These shadows don't accuse
They only want to help
But they don't have a ******* clue how to go about it
They don't listen well
Because they aren't sure if I'm the one doing the talking
They don't trust the other
Or maybe they don't know the other
Perhaps they feel as if they are anchoring me to reality
Telling me I should hoard
That I need these things for my own
That I could actually own these things
When all the while I have no illusions
Any of it could ever be kept
I know something they don't
It's not worth keeping
They won't be convinced, though
And so their benevolence
Drives me out of my mind, for a short break

They dropped the charges
The killer got off
No one ever knew
He went to his grave
Happy, smiling
Guiltless in his own mind
With blood on his hands

I saw her lying on the road as I drove by
The ambulance had only just arrived
No shattered glass on the ground
No smashed vehicle for the rubber neckers
Just some old guy bent over her
Checking to see if she was hurt badly
I didn't see any blood
But she wasn't moving

I've walked along these muddy banks a thousand times before
And watched the waves wash clean the trees that grow along the shore
I've sat there for hours until the sun had long gone down
.....To see the hanging tree

There it stands, a silhouette against a frozen moon
The wind blows through it's brittle leaves and whistles out a tune
A song I can recall I sang the night I took my true love
.....To the hanging tree

Seasons try to tear it down but it will never die
Sometimes if you listen close you'll hear a young girl cry
Crying for the innocence she sacrificed to me
.....Beneath the hanging tree

When I was a kid
I went through twelve girlfriends a year
And boy did I know how to pick 'en
Buxom beauty's with deep blue eyes
Standing straight and tall to wait on this experienced child
I could make all twelve of them smile
A little money in the bank
Glossy dreams that was our scene
And the man who wasn't smiling was given a personal introduction to the people on the other side of the gate

I tried. It's too hard. Sleep is too deep within me. I make too many mistakes. I'll fall asleep

The man who walks on water
Understands gravity's pull
The murky liquid ripples and hangs
On the feet of the bravest of sailors
His courage fails him
The lightness of being
Takes on the weight of the world
If not for the outstretched hand of example
He would sink to Leviathan

drowning in your eyes
would be such a cool way to die
all my memories floating by before my eyes
unfamiliar
these are the things that i thought i'd remember
lost in one forgotten night with you

i must be
deaf
dumb
blind
all those memories left behind
i can hear them
they are crying out to me
to remember
sanity lost on the 8th of December
gone but not forgotten in your life

if i were a child
who hadn't yet lost his innocence
all that i know, all that I see
would you take those burdens from me?
this is the way it's supposed to be?
no, this ain't the way....

where are you now
you used to come around every so often
where are you now
i need to know
i must be deaf and dumb and blind
all my life i must be