(So few realize the power of words
or is it my ability with words that confounds?
I am a talented man
even so a Pretender
I'll bring you over to my side
until you suss it out for yourself
that my side
is the last place you want to be)

Seven short stanzas for you to get lost in
you could breeze through in two minutes
you could get lost in my thoughts, spend half the day
lofty as they are, I laid them out just for you
swinging the bulky mallet of my cynical opinions
I'm sure to thump your cranium at least once or twice
before you find that word that stands a fortress
between what you've read and who you've been
when you'll take your own ****** mallet
and tear it down

What will you find when the veil has been torn?
more sneaky words
misguided snarky sentiments
you're fascinated by my judgment of divinity
though those words are fragile, practically meaningless
you see something much more sinister
the Pretender cannot deal in sincerity
nets for brutal fishermen casting lines to men

The Pretender can't play by the rules
he doesn't have to
he notices the list of "weak" words is almost as long as the list of "strong" words
somehow he isn't bothered
knowing full well that his purpose has been accomplished

The abstraction is bad/cliche
the Pretender should be showing
as opposed to telling
I'm telling you
it's a lost cause

You saw 37 lines with only 5 stanzas
I'm *******

Scared?

I was high, oh my, higher than a bird
flies on the breeze, gliding that fast track
to the sun

Anchored by a hunka heavy bass guitar
jumpin' up and down singin' chunky words
look around, those my friends strappin' guitars and drum sticks
call us Behemoth, heavy and hairy and loud
call us Godzilla spittin' radioactive beams
but we been up here for four hours
anybody listening?
I got secrets of the universe stashed
in the second chorus of Dazed and Confused
People, you missin' out

Whose that spittin' at the table at the stage?
she keep tryin' to catcha my eye
she done caught my attention
gal knows I'm only playing two more songs
I telepathically dedicate the last one to her
I'm sending signals and suggestions till my knuckles are blue

Hot **** the girl done understand
I got her right where I want her
feelin' bored I'm needing a lot more so I say
"condition, baby, who is that lady
hanging on to you all of the night?
You think she's down for some animal action
with me and you in the hotel tonight?
cause I don't feel like a natural man
that's not what I want to be
I'm tired of settling for one, how 'bout you?
when I can get me two, two and one makes three

She introduced me to her own best friend
I smoked a bowl of some bud
they weren't looking too bad before
but that herb had 'em lookin' REAL good!

It was on like a *** of neckbones
we was making movies
feeling groovy, feelin' frisky, feelin' high
feelin' fine, feelin' fine, feelin' fine
we crawled together like a funky new animal
swapping each other's sweat
just when I thought I couldn't take it no more
the two on 'em swore they wasn't half finished yet
I gave 'em one more hour then I hadda shut it down
though I appreciated the party goon' down

They was gettin' dressed and puttin' their shoes on
the first turned 'round to me
she was the prettiest of the two
so I listened to what she thought we should do
"let's do this again maybe tomorrow morning "
I admit that sounded like a capital idea
"you guys rock and you deserve to live the life"
I most surely could not argue with that

Went to her crib next morning
ready for a repeat performance
but she opened the door with a sad face
"baby," she said,"my oldman's gettin' outta prison today
he'll be here anytime "
I could read in her face
not even enough time to knock off a quickie
in fact she looked frightened
as if he might walk in the door any minute
I wondered if he knew what a free spirit his wife was
this was the first time I was aware she had been married

I turned and walked to my car
perhaps no groovy lovin' but at least I wasn't riddled with bullet holes
I will live to rock another day
but I don't harbor any illusions
I'll ever kink as supremely
as I did when I had those two beauties
and those two beauties sho nuff had me

I long to shed this bulk
flesh and bone cocoon
something in me longs to expand

A quark
flickering into Andromeda

When will this coma-grey fog dissipate?
shouldn't years have absorbed it by now?
something in me suffocates hope

A stone
tied to a rope

I wait to close my eyes
drift into unfamiliar pastures
something in me remembers

A dream
of shouting into empty silos

I know now that I want nothing
nothing is all I want
something in me is too full

A piñata
stuffed with rat poison

Dripping, a heavy metal teardrop
From the hatches of Enola Gay
A quiet moment to court gravity
Before judgment is passed down
In a blinding flash, murderous circumference
An unholy force lifting trees from the ground
Invisible fire encompassing all
Laying low flesh and ideals
Shadow triumphant, stare into it's glowing face
Turn around knowing
**** Sapiens crowning achievement
And all it portends
Only the dead were spared
The realization
They are the lucky ones

That's some weak death metal you're praising
Whatever works for you
Deeper levels of hell to be raising
Got better things to do
You say you want a revolution
It's nothing but a game
Pleased to meet you, mister, get your gun
Hope you guessed my name
You still believe everything you're told
Without a question why
Realize you enjoy being controlled
Accept you love the lie
Weak death metal is all that you've known
From the days of your youth
One day I will show you, when you have grown
Black metal is the truth

I should remember the color of your eyes
All the time swimming hypnotized
Lost sight of surface tints and hues
Drowning in the deeper parts of you

Twirled your hair around my index finger
Things you wouldn't think I would remember
Shivering embraces desperate in afterglow
Restless and naive but even so

Sure enough how we had conquered love
Or likely more how love had conquered us
Fingers tracing lifelines, mine yours, yours mine
Telling wondrous stories of all we looked to find

Then the day I watched you fall out of step and down
How I tried to join you when your body hit the ground
How they held me back and swore you'd be okay
Sure enough without my help you got up and walked away

I hear this song and I always think of you
Fragile music we once liked making love to
Invisible reminder of things that used to be
Fuel for the fire of our union's memory

Swans drone and thrash filling every square inch of air in this room of solitary confinement
I've got feelings, need to get 'em out
To fall upon the deafness of every ear in this house, disbelieving
The cacophony soothes me somehow
But I fall asleep listening for phantoms trapped in white noise
Sometimes it's the only way
As the stress of the day won't let up and it stretches all the way into the lonely hours of night that are more accurately referred to as the early morning
That transition is usually lost with sleep and dreams
Unless sleep and dreams are playing hide and seek
The noise of Swans comes as close to anything in giving a sound to the stiffness of my mind and the heavy weight in my heart
The mean streak, can it be forgiven or forgotten?
I have something to blame
But integrity keeps me from pointing fingers
My greatest wish is to either be
Smart enough to grasp the worlds philosophies
Or so dumb they don't mean a freakin' thing to me
I'm tired of existing in the halfway point between the poles
Tired of courting hatefulness
Knowing it's not me
Hosting a wretched spirit with dark thoughts and self loathing
Knowing knowing knowing knowing knowing
My Father Who art in Heaven
Hold my cowardice not against me
Let there be justice in this one thing I ask
As I lay me down to sleep
Let not the morning sunrise stir my soul
Lost in deep unconsciousness I offer one final breath
Take it, Lord, and give me not another inhalation
Set my spirit free while my lanky body hardens 'neath the quilt my grandma made for me
Show me the mystery of all that lies ahead
And let not those I left behind cry that I am dead
May their mourning bring them peace and when it ends much joy
I'm not suggesting you made a mistake
But I just don't belong here
So when I close my eyes tonight
I will squint, hold the lids down hard and tight
And finally pray You'll make it all right
Please let my spirit drift listlessly into the night
In the name of your precious Son
                                                                  Amen