I remember a time
When I used to cuss like a sailor
No one could hold me back
Least of all you, my pretty little doll
I never saw you flinch
Though my profanity was loud and obnoxious

These days you ride with me, still mighty sweet
But you've curbed my expression
By the hateful disappointed looks you give me
If I dare utter an offensive word
And I have to ask
Did you grow a stronger set of morals since the good old days of yore?

Maybe I did, you reply
All I can think of to respond is
Well, doll face, you can **** me running
But this horrid language is branded on my brain
And I don't see how I'm ever gonna purge myself of it
You say Its easy, just find other words to use
That's fine and dandy but all the other words I have to use are worse than the ones you get so offended by
I'll curb it some but I can't guarantee I won't let a ripe one slip now and again
She said Well that's fine and acceptable to me
But don't go expecting I'll tolerate it well
Cuz I won't
You're a grown man

Of course I'm a grown man
That's why I'm allowed to talk that way
She said Grown men DON'T talk that way
That's what I'm trying to tell you
If you had any maturity about ya you wouldn't find the need to use that language
I say well I'll be ******* if you didn't just place it all in perspective
Thank ya dear, for enlightenin' me
Even were it ever so minuscule

I love ya baby more than my own
Personal freedom of expression
You're too good to your man for him to discount your feelings and emotions
I'm gonna wash my mouth out with soap
One last time
And I am going to join well-mannered clean-speaking civilized society
All my cussing will be just between me and God
Cuz He ain't told me to stop yet
I'm pretty sure He thinks those words are funny
Don't worry, God, I won't tell my sweet honey pie
If she found out she'd probably die

Didn't it sound a lot like something
He said a long time ago?
Now it makes sense
Dripping from honey lips

I lowered the box into the ground
Empty but only I knew as much
Nothing to see, nothing to touch
My own heart was buried deeper down

Looking up I saw you shed a tear
For all I was laying to rest
Was to you a memory blessed
A short respite, the re-emergence of fear

Or maybe I had it wrong
You could have known all along
I could have been the one deceived
Or maybe I only thought you believed

Step back
She sings the Mantra
Let her finish
Before we continue

Hare Krishna ¥ Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna ¥ Rama Rama
Hare Rama ¥ Hare Rama
Rama Rama ¥ Krishna Krishna

I could tell you reasons for what I've done
Before the passion flamed
I dreamed her naked, unashamed
Innocent as the day was young

I thought it was love that drove me on
Even when the snake bared it's fangs
Injected it's venom of change
Convinced my compassion was strong

Now I know that it can't be forgiven
The arrows pierce you from behind
Weaker still your weakened mind
And contaminate your imagination

Stole a page from God's playbook
I'm sorry, my old friend, that you fell
But I have ****** myself to hell
Just one page was all it took

this end is for me even more than it is for you
the fog in the forest is still sickly thick
and you can't see the forest for the trees
I dragged it out for too long
but I know your ignorance is blissful and I don't blame you
I'd do the same thing if I were in your shoes

It was my own guilt that stopped me cold
Made me think twice of what I'd done
I know you'd just soon it go on and on
(And on and on)
But seeing you so often demeaned is getting so very old

•••••••••••••

Cry when you hear the song
Crying is often the best thing to do
Break down for an hour, in the back of your mind
Know it gets better when the grieving is through
Don't take anything she said for granted
She felt she had good advice
But you gotta let it work
Learn how to pray
Build a fortress around your mind
Evict the rogue voices

"This is rebirth
The hardest word
Held under water
This is death
I'm out of breath
Held under water"
           - Dustin Carpenter
            "Held Under Water"
             (big sleep., 1988)

In that moment
I forgot
This is all illusion
Everything became too real
So solid to sense and feel
These entrances became a necessity
To touch and taste, to smell, to see
To hear the winds of infinity
That blow from deep inside of me
I felt as if I'd fallen
Back into the dull routine
Back into the same old scene
From out of a peaceful dream
Into another long day
Nightfall seemed so far away
I dream of sleep
Big and deep
Eternity
I follow the mantra
My heart is open to truth
For a moment I forgot
Peace reminded me

I write poems before I fall asleep
I post them on the Internet
I let their existence guide my dreams
Then delete them when I wake

Obviously this is not one of those poems

As the missiles speed to their target
A sense of panic sets in and takes hold
Where are the cameras?
They've captured almost all of me
Now I'd better give them the rest before it's too late
(What are you doing? Put your pants back on)
The weight of fear slams me to the mat
Bathed by a strange rust tinted hue
Desperately screaming incoherent repentance
Held down by strong arms I feel the bee sting my leg
Within seconds I've given up
Paul McCartney lyrics fill my head
As I walk through the gates of heaven
Where absence of time insures I won't remember a thing
When I wake up

For years I danced with spiders
On moldy windowsills
Tripping the night fantastic
Neon rainbows glowing
In dark winter skies
Our island suspended
No center, no linear
Endlessly fascinated by geographical shapes
Intersecting, diverging, refracting
Emerging, spiraling out like an insane Mandelbrot
My dreams were selfish
Worth staying up for

I guess I'm not a very likable person
I tend to be condescending without even realizing it
You really have to try to earn my consideration
You gotta prove you have half a brain
Because I'm convinced most people are idiots
Even if I'm right
I'm still kind of an ******* for thinking that way
It's not as if I'm Stephen Hawking