I ****** you in the same bed that you wake up so in love with him every morning.

Do you have no reason to write?
Do the wrists that flowed like rivers stay bound?

Do you have no reason to sing?
And do the lips that sang my name stay locked to someone else's?



Reason.

Swore to the stars to be done writing for love.
I'm a man of my word, so I'll curse at the sun.

Songs of indigo,
Speak to the soul.
Contempt in the neck,
Lustful, hateful, peaceful dreck.

If that makes sense.  

Points on the map, but a new start,
Constellations to the heart.
Misdirection is constant and plenty.
God, you left this room so empty.

I'm not content.
Re-writing songs that remind me of you.
Taking words that aren't mine,
and wrapping them around what I wish
was us.

I cant bank on my words
to change what's on my heart
My hands are calloused
but I'm still swinging in the dark
Something has to change
Help lines and hope wanes
It's been 400 days and I still feel the same
Baby lung alarm clocks
Substance fed anger
And I'm not moving anymore
3 hours of sleep is as good as it gets
Unloading threats; floating upon seas of regret
Weathering swells in a sinking ship
**** your pale skin, thin lips, and bony hips.

Because I fought for your fragile dreams,
and made the world cease to exist.

And when the fire dies,
I'll close my weary eyes.
And your words; a *****,
Burying all progress made.
And when it rains, it pours.
40%'s never made me so sore.

And I hate that I hate this.

So I stare at all these blank faces,
And void occupied spaces.
*While eating my silence,
We're losing our balance,
Trying to stand on the shoulders of giants.

One wing dipped in gold.
One wing dipped in blood.
The pale cheeks house a forked tongue.

But this house is so cold,
and the walls are starting to speak.
Cracks in the floor are staring at me.
Shouldering the world, I'm growing so weak.

Though..

There's mud in my veins
and salt on my tongue.
There's songs in my lungs
that have yet to be sung.
Weaker knees have carried worse.
Lesser minds bare the same curse.
But.
They haven't the privilege of watching you dance.
Their wide eyes blind, but mine still in a trance.
I haven't forgotten the amber and honey swirl.
You're still my favorite girl.

Heavy glow; round 2 of this game.
Shameless filters seep through the frame.
Remember the time we lay on your floor?
I woke up the next morning so drowsy and sore.
Driving home, cramped in a weary state.
Gaping holes in my soul, wailing, kept me awake.
Hit or miss, it's been 2 months,
Here I am again, alone, jumping every ****.

Remember welted eyes at 2 am in the car?
Remember sitting in the booth of your favorite bar?
Remember silence at the park bench?
Remember defending him in your defense?

Gaps in the conversation and moments too.
If only the songs I listened to could scream as loud as I could to you.
Bottles were nothing but a conversation piece.
And I ache there, stifled between two sheets.
Longing to hold all of you,
For you were the glue,
That kept everything from ripping in two.

Blatant mistakes of our past,
Keep what's to be had masked.
You know its true.
Your jaded eyes kept my sky a sharper shade of blue.

I remember all the times I thought I was wrong.
I remember "*******." after I showed you that song.
I remember utter distress.
I remember removing shrapnel words from my chest after you left.  

I don't know how many times I buried myself in the dirt.
Only to be picked up by the girl in the pizza pocket shirt.
I can't recall how many times she's heard me drone.
Only to be written off with a sigh and a moan.

And quite frankly
I don't need God
Two wires to my ears, and a glass of whisky
Is plenty enough to guide me through the fog.

Yet.. Sometimes..
Sir Jameson won't drown out..
The tingle of lavender that still tickles my nose
Or the scent of the sheets, or the rain on the streets.

And sometimes..
Mr. Daniels won't blind me from..
The traps
It no longer soothe..
How her lips refused to move.

I've grown.
But hate these words.
I hate my own.

A word with your smile,
Is all this heart wants right now.
Distance is poison.

Like the mountains we admired.
I'm time worn.
Once praiseworthy, mighty, enduring.
Sculpted by winds of change.
Carved by a harrowing gaze.
Reduced to sediment, caressed by the currents of time.

Like the seas we longed for.
I'm abundant.
Everlasting, spellbinding, looming.
Now polluted, rotting from the surface
Stagnant where I lie.
Once most of your world.

Like the winds; once at our back.
I'm adrift.
Fluent, nimble, restless.
Tempted by canyons, gullies, and meadows alike.
Hellacious squalls begging at sealed windows.
Searching for you.

And while misery is on the tip of your tongue,
Remember that's where my name always used to be.

Remember; when you reach for the stars,
They only ever burn holes in your hands.

And now a choked throat refuses to tell me everything it wants to spew.
But my hands are on your hips though, not your neck.

The vinyl is spinning, but so is my head.
Words; a carousel, I've drowned in all that we've said.
Like the time, you're slipping through these hands.
Forever rose-colored, now cut me down where I stand.
Harmonize hymns of your past with mine.
Lay with me, as the vines of our lives intertwine.
Lay with me, in fields of gold.
Lay with me, let this unfold.
Stay with me, look up to the sun.
Let the past slip away, may it be undone.

Remove time's varnish from our equation.
And like your pillow, cling to sensation.
Return all that we've took.
Digress to the comfort and warmth of your nook.
Listen to the cracks in the floor as they speak.
Only whimpers and lies of this heart would excrete.

Now we sleep.

One after the other,
your laugh even changed.
Chuckles to snarls,
nothing more to be gained.

When all went black, and all came back..
I took it as an omen to reflect
to evaluate and dissect.

But you were:

Draped in satin and sin,
Lead eyes growing heavy, weary, dim.
Lay where you want, it all stains the same,
when in search of someone to blame.

Now there's something inside, churning so slow.
A day old hate fester, begging to explode.
A faux hatred, meaningless it's true.
An excuse to keep doing exactly what you do.

Incentive to change came in the form of a heart.
Light from a sunken chest bearing a new start.
Beating for you, screaming for you,
Taken for granted, ripped completely in two.

And I laid there every night
Wondering if you were even alive.
Your face burned so deep in my mind
Scorched past the clutches of time.

Still you cramp, wounded in the womb
Still you lay wrapped in satin and gloom
It's toxic how you stay,
It's toxic; a refusal to stray.
But I sit here my dear, day after day
Lathered in discomfort, bathed in dismay.

I'm glad your slate is clean.
Mine's still tarnished in filth and memories.
Now that you've cut yourself free from me.
Maybe now you'll find deep within,
You and Him ;
You're fragile and dim.

It's like you learned from the month of June,
To become alone and cold like the moon.
And I thought to my self on more than one occasion
"How miserable must I be" ;
Before you to came to a simple decision?

And don't you think its crazy;
How well our demons danced, and didn't mind?
It's like they forgot about us, as they spun intertwined.

When bottles felt like sky-scrapers
I removed your staples
I moved your mountains,
Wished on silver, that sunk in fountains.
I forced myself to be the foundation that kept you strong
It was no secret, you were my favorite song.

I'll shoulder a sadness, as you flourish,
I want so badly to break in search for new purpose.
A relentless optimist
Time to stumble and fall on clenched fists.

Still,
A broken back is better than a broken will.


*"So I'll get mine you get yours,
and if we're both happy it's settled forever more"

Spoken word poison,
Leaked on your bib, from all that you've chosen.
Under a sunken chest, chambers remain frozen.
Fighting for life all these years,
Time spent; tears over empty beers.
Your hesitance is what really grids whats left of these rusted gears.
Curled under your willow with nothing more than a weak smile,
Counting crows while you figure out a maze of denial.
Slipping through rough hands seems to be your guile.
And nothing's too good to be true,
At lips last meet, I thought you knew.
Appetent; my love, yet weary waiting for you.