i could believe in the mouth of others



                                       honey, you both got chemistry like sugar and ice.



i could believe in my own little brain

                                      


                                  tell me what is so wrong with me..                                                

                                                               ­                     



tell me why..




                                                            ­i could kiss your lips

                                                               ­     with o p e n e d  e y e s ,


                                                     but i cannot bear to look at you

                                                         when you are embracing me






                                 i could confine in the quarters of my heart.


(since when did the fact that I possessed such monstrosity come into acceptance?)                                                     ­                                                     

                                    

                         ­                          inside the four rooms




                                                       ­         portraits of your face

                                                           ­                                  lingering  
                                                     ­                                            vanishing  


                                                       held up by strings of infatuation,



                                              
              ­                                       making the walls






                                            collapse      ­                                            condemn
             ­                                                constrict                       collide      
                    
                                     carress                             consume                     crash    

                                                      ­crawl                                            curse


        ­                                                      cannonize  ­               corrupt

                                                        ­                  
                                              ­                                  crave




                                                            ­                   floating          

                                                               ­                                     down
                       ­                                                                 ­                      

                                                               ­                                                down
                                                            ­                                                  
  
                                                             ­                                       down.    

tell me why..


i could write so shamelessly  that


i need you                              


                                                      i adore you          

                                  i miss you                  
                                           ­                                                      i   l o v e  y o u                          
        
i want you                                        
                     ­                             i cherish you
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­              
                                                


                                                   six thousand and eight hundred times.





    

but i cannot tell you that  " i want to see you so much it hurts " .
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                   

                           it doesn't quite matter.                                          






it is only a simple act of
attempting to balance the sanity
of a toothless adoration
with blinded self-proclaimed
masochistic interpetations.
                                                 ­                     


                                         ­                          it is only the veil of an apathetic shell
                                                                ­   to fortify monsters
                                                                ­   laced by the maddening hormones of
                                                                ­   teenage mediocre oestrogens.


it is only bruised knuckles
wrapped in cheap bandages
in the futility of closing wounds;
as there is no such
blood in the world that has not yet
been tainted by obscenities.        






                                      ­                       it is only the fact that
                                                             i have a tendency to stare at you as if
                                                             i could stare right past your flesh and
                                                             bones but i forget that your skull is
                                                             just too ******  thick.                                      




it is only a masterful literate
who can comprehend the laws
of sentence structures but refuses to
write the word " you" and " me"
in fear of establishing "us".


                                                  




                  it is only my heart that you hold, bleeding in your clenched fists.




       the more i think : the more i hurt.

A shadow of a flower fell on the way
I looked at the face of you
Too much and too little
Did I have to say
When this shadow fell
On my face too

My thoughts drifted into a twilight of being
Seized the past and blamed it on you
Forgetting that today
Should be all I was seeing
In your beautiful eyes
Of blue

I did not tell you how you make my heart sing
Lift straight up from my chest
Take off in the air as if carried on wings
Or how in your sweet love
I am
So blessed

Instead, I looked for wounds and scars
On your heart and mine
Wondered aloud
How we had gotten this far
Thought I would bleed
If you were unkind

I did not tell you that you are a rose
A joy of blue, shading my crimson fears
When this shadow fell, on our faces
I chose
To hold you responsible
For all of my tears

A shadow of a flower fell on the way
I looked in the heart of you
Yet you moved from that shadow
As if to say
You can trust me
I will trust you

A succesful lawyer is deeply and desperately mourning for his dead wife today. A robber broke into their house yesterday, took their money away and killed his wife who happened to be at home alone watching TV by strangling her to death. He blames God for his wife's terrible death and decides to convert himself to atheism.

A Mother has just got a terrible news this morning. Her son died in war yesterday. She blames God who let this happen and the goverment who sent her son away into battle

Neither of them has the slightest ideas of what would happen in the near future if their wife and son hadn't died.....

The lawyer's wife someday would be so bored of her husband's job that keeps him busy all the time and then start seeing another man. He then would find out about his wife's affair, confront her and after a fierce quarrel **** her by strangling her. After he kills the man his wife has an affair with he then shoots himself as well in the head...

The woman's son would return home on leave immediately  and accidentaly run into a very attractive mid-aged woman . Both would start seeing each other, to the woman's husband's dismay who then would end up killing them both before finally kills himself.

Things happens for reasons....
Life is like a river.... You change its course, it would come three times swifter than it should...

"One is at last killed by what one loves violently."
--Guy De Maupassant

During the nights when I cannot seek the sanctity of
sleep,for it does not come over me until the
deadly light of daybreak;
I listen to the still, small voice
calling out from the cracked, crumbling and
falling
plaster firmament hanging over me--
a proverbial coffin-lid
threatening
to close in over me, nailed tightly
shut
with antique copper spikes
to keep
the good dreams
     out.

I am so often told in tones
echoing sad and
silent
in the O Holy Night,
to write
the elegy of insanity
creeping
     up
from my feet
beneath
these ***** blankets,
seeping,
working its way to my throat
where lies my stifled
cries
that engulf the labored breathing
as my tender, simple
heart
threatens to explode.

Tossing a pillow against the
peeling,
painted wall, I utter
a course *"*******"
to the weathered, unwashed window
by my head
that pounds;
needing the soothing
song-sounds of
whiskey, scotch or
lukewarm beer to revive
my
   sinking,
burning soul as
     i lay me down
     to die,
     i pray to nothing
     and embrace the lies

O, the lies...

I can scarce recall
a time of peace and
bliss,
laying lonely in your arms,
with regret I had to
kiss
your sour lips
perfumed bitter with stale smoke,
***** and other such things like
this...

...this nowhere outside goiing,
going
     gone:
The Wheel of Misfortune,
the agony of armies in
retreat,
the ****** of the mind,
the birth
of Jesus, Muhammad, Krishna
and the plastic
Elvis Presley poking up
off your dusty dull-blue dashboard
like the other man's
***** you left
for mine.

Yes,
on these and every sleepless
forever nights
     I know,
I show that
O, still, small voice
the things
we refuse to see,
and maybe after it's all over
it
will sing myself to sleep.

Diving deeper into you
Feeling the roughness of your skin
Pressed against mine
A look, a touch
Sends me to my knees
Crashing against the cold dirt
Sinking beneath the surface
Slipping into darkness
Burning with passion
Fleeing from advances of creatures I know not of
Whispering hush hush
To silence the sounds of my heart
For love is a dangerous game
Be still my blackened heart
For you do not need to change
Just place barbed wire across the fences you built
Hush hush I say to my brain
Because logic sees the reasoning
Yet I do not need to listen to the voices in my head
As I can plunge farther into myself
Causing no more pain
No love to give or receive
Hush hush I say to myself
As I let go of all reason to stay afloat

With a golden dish in my right hand
I came to get my fill
Of honeysuckle pleasures
On hidden vines
There waiting for my tender touch
Sweetness I did find
Under the marble steps
Of my will

That old cunning devil flew right by me
My conscious saw him first
A shift of black
Lifting up in airy flight
Yet still I sought out my reward
Though his face I could see
My dish, would be filled
That night

I thought of waiting for my pleasure
Then in a lullaby I rehearsed
I convinced myself to reach out anyway
As I came to get my fill
Of all those hidden treasures
So I sang my song
And put my conscious
In reverse

With a golden dish in my right hand
A shift of black in my heart
I partook of those honeysuckle pleasures
Yet no sweetness did I find
In those hidden vines
When from my own will
I did depart

And I sing the song carried on the breeze...before I fall to my knees and exclaim, that I dont feel the same, after the rain...it invigorates me to breath that air, to fill my lungs with the purity of the sea and the fury of the wind...

  And I Fall to my Knees and Cry Out, let my spirit sore across the plains so that I might see with eyes of eagles. Let my heart be filled to the capacity of over flowing, so that I might love like no other before me. Let my mind be filled with the knowledge of my generation and those before me, so that I might share it with the world, to learn a better understanding of that world.

  And I Stand arms Open Wide to receive the Love Ive felt all this time from every prayer that has come my way. I cast my eyes to the heavens and pray they not be burned out from the purity that it brings.
So let me share with you, this invigoration anew that you might feel inside of you, this something in me new.

  And I Feel on My Skin the Breeze blowing by and the life that it brings to the skin it stings. I feel the electricity flowing deep within me to be let out by her who can handle me, that fury deep inside from which I can not hide. So let me see in you, what change you bring to me, so together we share a love for all to see.

  And I Have found that strength abound to pick me up from ***** ground, brush me off and onward walk to mountain top, to mountain top. A giant among the people, surveying all before my feet with a fervor few can meat. I say to you from where I stand, the world is rather grand. So take your place among the thorns and fall in to the normalcy, as for me I will continue to find what make her unique among the roses.