I can't help but think
Every time we speak
About the last time I looked up at you
Not wanting to blink.
Who knew how cold you could feel
By a fire on a summer night
Just so you didn't have to pull away
So you could hold his hand so tight.

I can't help but be overwhelmed
With feelings I don't understand
You were the only one content,
With only holding my hand.
A kiss or two here
A hug or a few there
Whenever I needed you
You were always there.

I can't help but question
Your motives and thoughts
But all through the year
I searched for an opening into your heart
And here it might be
A way to ignite an old flame.
Is that what I see
Or are you having a picnic
And I am the rain?

I always wondered what I wanted to do
When I grow up.
What I would expect to be
When I rise early with the sun.

Conflicting mediocre talents
And lack there of
Testing my patience
Leaving me twiddling my thumbs.

To paint
Or sleep
To write
Or weep

Oh, out of all the decisions
I have to make
To decide which path
I want to pave.

Why must I pick a specific
One thing?
Can I just aspire to be
Well,
Something?

A little about me..

Jacquelyn Audrey
Nearly sixteen to others
Nearly nineteen to myself

Insane
Smart
Afraid of the dark
AnXiEtY
D e p r e s s i o n
BPD

Writer
Mezzo soprano to tenor
Painter

No impulse control
Worries too much
Cares too little

Likes being alone
But not being lonely

That's all I can really think of.

A night terror brought to life.

I fade into a room
Black
I hear the footsteps
Loud
I feel my skin
Naked

The door is yanked and left agape
I'm blinded by the light
He grabs me and I know there is no escape.

Suddenly he's in me, and I'm left voiceless
He says to open my eyes and I protest
A hard pound into my *** and a smack later
My eyes are open staring into a mirror

I look away and am yanked back
Forced to watch myself be treated like meat
He pounds away, a disgusting rhythm
As tear roll down my face, in defeat

Once he's finished he drops me to the floor
I sit like I'm supposed to,
Sitting on my knees, bowed and waiting for more.

He's back and I'm up in his arms
Holding my mine at my sides he whispers and nibbles at my shoulder
Telling me I'm his, that I'm so strong.
I fight to get away, he's so wrong.

He says he's sick of these games and straightens my face
Forces me to stare at my naked, bruised body
In the mirror that I can't take
I cry, and I cry

"Your mine"
A quick slap to the *** and I'm dropped again, to the floor.

I still remember the first time
He let me bite his lips.
He nodded sincerely at my smile
And pulled in on my hips.
We stayed there for quite a while,
My eyes examining His.

We kissed and kissed,
And every second I miss
The sweet taste that our tongues left on lips.

Days like that
Quickly passed
No longer was I allowed to have any class.
From this day forward, a piece of ***.

I remember the last time I bit his lips
I received my punishment
Hard and swift.
His smirk was dark
My face was flushed

"I like this red better than when you blush.."

The way they talk about her freckles and rosé skin.
Wondering who messed up her head, who wore her so thin.
Who was it?
Who had been?
She's not been herself since then.