I hate myself

I hate my fat arms
I hate my top teeth
I hate my forehead
And I hate how the top of my thighs have that bulge on them.
I hate my shoulders
I hate my toes
And I hate my sausage fingers.
I HATE MY BACK, MY STOMACH, AND RIBS.
I hate how my torso isn't symmetrical
How the fat is different on each side.
I hate my ****.
I hate my always irritated scalp.
I hate that I can't lose weight
I hate that I don't have the money for braces
I hate that I am the ugly friend.
The one who never has a boyfriend, but everyone else does.
I hate being lonely
I hate being ****** up
I hate being a mediocre student
And an average talent.
I hate my voice

I hate myself.
I hate it.

I've ******,
My friends make love

What about me
Attracts boys
Who only ****?

I've never made love.
Is it just bad luck?

What about me
Attracts boys
Who don't love?

I just want to have
A natural relationship
Not a business deal,
Where I'd use my body,
To buy love that isn't quite real.

Just someone care.
Just someone see.
I am not just a piece of meat.
I need warm arms around me,
And words so sweet.

Where are you
Boy,
Who can stand loving me?

That's what it's about
With BPD
The risks you take
And stupidity

The anxiety,
And unwelcome mentality
That's what it's about
With BPD

Three shots of whiskey
And a glass of wine
Throw back a couple pills
I'm sure I'll be fine.

That's what it's about
With BPD
The risks, stupidity,
And anxiety.

I still take a ***
Every now and again
......
More like whenever
I possibly can.

Anxiety is up
Depression in such a down
I am such a joke,
Circling around and around.

Nicotine
You little fiend
You calm me down,
And rot my teeth
I know I regret it,
But every time we meet,
The twitches stop
And my mind stops it's rot

I'll still take a ***
Every now and again
I'll smoke them slow
I'll smoke them fast
Until my body is smoke and ash.

How cute we were,
Elementary.
How innocent we were,
No worries.

Seeing you for the first time
In about a decade.
Your familiar smile,
Your dimples didn't fade.

Childhood friend,
I remember you.
My childhood friend,
Remembers me too.

I am so glad for familiar smiles
And dimples that never fade.

I am
A pessimist.
I never hope
For the best.
My goals are low
As are my dreams
All broken
Before they started
Like the nonexistent
You and me.