That itch in your arm.
That twitch in your hand.
This time I,
Must take a stand.

I will not be controlled by a small blade.
I will not be pushed around by hollowed out shame.
**** that stained steel.
That malicious little fiend.
All he wants is the blood,
But release is what I need.

How comforting it is,
To feel the pain go.
To watch all my worries spill out.
The memories of this,
Etched on my vessel,
I just couldn't live without.

They start to fade,
I feel the need.
To make a brand new friend.
For weeks it will heal,
Months it will fade,
And then the whole process again.

What do I do?

With Beautiful skin,
Broken bones.

The beautiful skin, the lovely mask.
With the broken bones, the structures cracked.

Why can only you make me smile?
I need your love for just a little while.

Baby, please.
I'm breaking down.
I loved you once,
And you let me drown.

I am stuck.
Stuck with loving you.
No one compares.
Everyone is scared.

I love you.

Can't you
Love me too?

Those little orange bottles,
Who drown the bedside table.
A melting *** of colors and shapes,
I obviously am not stable.

Only a few,
Was all mom ever knew,
Before I went to sleep.
She soon found me,
Covered in *****,
Passed out in a bundle of sheets.

Oh, how rude.
I am being so vile.
I really haven't talked about this,
In quite the longest while.

Maybe I need more pills.
More pills to 'help' me survive.
More therapy,
More pity.
Oh, no thank you,
I'll be fine.

Moving on.
I hate the phrase.
You just don't understand,
That my mind is a maze.

I'm alone and I'm scared.
I need someone to be there.
To tell me it will be okay,
After I've dreamt of you.

Do you not yet realize,
How bad it hurts
To have to get out of bed?

I don't have the luxury of wallowing in these sorrows.
I have to spend 7 hours thinking about you,
And normal high school things.
Then go home, just to think of you more.
  
You just don't understand.

What are these scars worth?
These dark purple lines.

Can I show you them,
And be an inspiration?

Can I cover them,
And be a coward?

What if I darken them?
Will that make me insane?

Oh and if I cross bridges,
Instead of going up stream,
That makes me a fake.
A liar.
An attention *****.
An emo.
A weakling.

Well look at you.
You must be very strong.
Very impossibly strong.
Or maybe you just weren't caught in a battle,
Because your blown up head couldn't make it out of the castle.

I don't know what I want,
I don't know what I am,
No wonder I don't care.
I really don't know if this is something I should share.

I lost my mind a long time ago.
Some where along the line.
Forgetting how old I am.
Forgetting what day it is.
Maybe something is wrong with me.

How dare I talk of love,
When I've destroyed the very meaning?
Maybe I really don't have feelings.
I'm not honest.
I'm not trustworthy.
I'm not sweet,
Or kind,
Or nice,
Or loving.
I don't know how you could even stand me.

It's not like I hurt people on purpose,
Though I usually want to.
It's not that I want to be lonely,
But I'd see life much clearer.

What am I even doing?
Wasting my time writing this,
So a few people I know skim it?
I want criticism.
I want critique.
I want to be told I'm an absolute terrible person,
But entirely unique.

I'm so static.

Hair splitting,
Nail chipping,
Anemic and
Hungry for your affection.

Why do I do this to myself?
Why must I be addicted to the agony you inflict?
I just want a cure.
An antidote to your poison.

I've tried to forget you.
The farther I stray, the more unstable I become.
I've tried to replace you.
But my knight in shining armor hasn't come.

I'll write forever of my pain,
Things you will never read,
Things you have never read.
I don't even cross your mind.

Still,
With more and more pain,
I cannot let you go.
I cannot give up.
I'm stuck.