My hands were made
For unsettling skin
Beneath their flesh
I open wounds again
They think they've got scars
But they haven't been
Only poorly treated scabs

I like the place
Where our bones always meet
Like a ritual reunion
Between crowded sheets
And the stop and go
Of our sweet starving teeth
Gets me all weak in the knees

I'm cement to others
Yet clay in your hands
I'm afraid to sink
But I always find land
And I love the time
It's the space I can't stand
So I fill it with words just for you

What I give
Is yours to keep
That's why words come out
In my broken sleep
When you are near
I feel I can breathe
I'm not facing my nightmares alone

What feels so familiar
But appears to be new
Every lie you tell yourself
I keep looking through
Patiently waiting
While knowing what's true
What others run from
I want to run to

The sadness sets in
When you depart
With your stone linear features
And your soft haunted heart
You cannot end
What you do not start
This only makes it harder

You and I
Are one in the same
We know the worst kind of monsters
Have human names
Purgatory is not
Torture and pain
It is feeling no hurt at all

I can almost see it
like a distant illusion
a nocturnal distortion
you, beside me
with stars in your eyes
like nebulas well disguised
and I don't know
the proper name for them

I can almost see it
like a premonition
of a self demolition
you, carrying the weight
of the world
as if it will make
you stronger
and I don't know how
to tell you
it only makes you ache

I can almost see it
or feel it
like I'm hugging your
bones goodbye
for one last time
but it's not crushing you
as it would crush me

I reference chasmic pressure
but I don't know how else
to call a void what it really is
home
I call it home
to wide eyes and slack jaws
they don't understand
there is comfort
in nothingness
there is a choice
in no choice
and there is a risk
in taking no risk at all

There is an animal
that loiters inside of me
and it takes shelter in these
broken blood vessels
you left on my neck

It sleeps
on the words
you left on
my pillow

It is a guessing game
of whether
I will awake
to your silhouette
in the dark
peacefully, deliriously

I swear
in those moments
if I blink
you will disappear

So this animal
it must hibernate
out of biological
instilled and
predetermined fear
that I cannot make
you reappear
again

It is both the paranoia
of an
unmastered magic trick
that makes this animal run

and the certainty
I felt
when I opened my eyes
one morning
and realized

I had never
quite experienced
a ******* thing
that has
felt even half
*as good as you

How many miles stand
Between myself and the end of time
The edge of space
It crushes me like chasmic pressure
Dividing and devouring me whole
I am swallowed into eons
And digested into molecules
Like reverse osmosis of a soul
Stripped naked and clean and pure
Only to be
Dumped into a landfill
A waiting line
To start again, to try again
And this is
Where I meet you
And you meet me
And I witness our repulsive quantum entanglement
The one that pulls my discordant little heart
Straight into my constrictor knot of a stomach

I often find myself awaking
Into another dream
Of a dream
I once had
Where I was floating
In the water
There was nothing above me
There was nothing beneath me
It was an isolation of my incidental world
A realization of simulation
And then something touched me

I am stuck in this
Mariana Trench of universal consumption
Where something follows
And lingers behind me
Like a shadow that's not
Quite a shadow but rather
A friend
Or an enemy
Only time will tell

We are part
Of the same brush stroke
Made by the
Same artist
That we will never meet
Or know about
Until the painting is incinerated
And we become the same ash
The same particles
We began with
To begin with

I am an
Unidentified flying object
Up here looking down
At my reflection looking up
And all I see is
Nothing
And everything


And you are somewhere in between

I worry for
the man who
will one day
want to love me

I worry that he
will not know
that my love
burns like the sun
and rages
like a storm
out at sea

I worry that he
will not know
that my darkness
is only temporary
and that it comes
from living
in an ever consuming
pitch black night

it lasted decades

I worry that he
will not know
my spirit
cannot be broken
like an animal
that cannot be tamed

it lasts an eternity

I worry that he
will not hear
my arrhythmic heart
it may sound like
a whisper
but it bangs
and slams in
these ribs
like the percussions
in an orchestra

it will play songs
just for him

I worry that he
will not hear
me when I
cry out to him
for I am not
transparent
do not look through me or
past me I
am right here
before you
with
universes to give

I worry that he
will not feel
the moisture building
in my palms
when he grasps
my hands
out of fear
that he will
never
hold them again

I will hold his
like others
hold a bible

I worry that he
will not feel
my head
against his chest
like the
safe haven
I have
finally found
after all this time

I worry that he
will not see
the stars that
shine in my eyes
when I look
at his face
like the world's
most wonderous
landscape

I've traveled so
long and so
far just to see it

I worry that he
will not see
the way he
can make
every muscle in my body
fall into a
meditative state or
electrify with excitement
with his presence alone

I worry that the
man who will
one day
want to love me
will not appreciate

that I am
a complete human being
with or without him

that I am
divided between
biology and whimsy

that I am
both the
sadist and *******

that I am
broken but
the architect

and that
I do not fall
like an autum leaf
I fall
like an **avalanche