i tried to find myself in a girl with green eyes.  for years i stopped worrying about my identity and let myself relax at the thought that i had it all figured out.  i was happy, she was happy, life seemed so happy.  but how long can happiness really last?  no one can help the unpredictability of life.  we have trouble accepting that life is just comprised of a series of temporaries that we will blow to and from until we meet our end alone.

That airy chuckle in the back of her throat as he tells her another joke, that’s real. That’s something beautiful. She’s laughing again after darkness shrouded every inch of her and took that light hearted laugh with it. It’s amazing that he’s making her laugh, it’s amazing, it truly is beautiful. She’s happy. And thank goodness, thank heaven, thank GOD she is. She deserves that happiness more than anything else. If fate is kind, that happiness will never falter and, of course that’s what she deserves. But when she’s laughing with him, does she ever wonder what HE’S doing then? Does HIS image cross her mind ever, in the morning or long after everyone else has gone to sleep? Does her new happiness ever overtake her and as she’s breathing that cold breath of relief does she ever think about what could have been. I do constantly.

You think I’m darling now, but just you wait until I’m screaming at a wall at 4 in the morning thinking that it’s God.
You think I’m strong now, but just you wait until blood and tears mix themselves into my nights.
You think I’m handsome now, but just wait until I break down from not being able to believe a word you say to me.
You think I’m perfect now, but just wait until you realize I’m sitting with you to distract myself from someone else.

everyday on my mind someone who won’t go away. gone from reality, but continuously running miles in my head. “fight then,” they say but, no, i’ll just have to wait. give it time to simmer and time to grow and hope that one day that will be enough again. if not, i’ve stared mundanity in the face and expected my future without flavor.

Take me in and hold me
Make sure you love me and show me
Right now I can't stand on my own two feet
I'm too weak and incomplete
I'm broken deep down inside
My flaws are showing and I can't hide
The rain it's gonna drown me
The darkness it has found me
My thoughts they surround me

So love me here
Love me now
Love me today
Cause tomorrow may be too late

I was told your love could never be your other half, that love was two whole people building a strong foundation for a better tomorrow, but I'm not sure I believe that anymore. I know for a fact you are my other half. we were two broken pieces drifting in the wind waiting for the current to pick us up and lead us on our destined roads. and the winds knew our destinies, for the winds lead us to each other. and instantly our poles connected and my heart was drawn to yours. incomplete apart but wholesome together. what I lack you supply just as what I give, you gladly receive.

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