One last chance, one last page to tell you how things stand.
More than anything else
I am thankful for all that time together, it was well spent.
Still I wish you could just stay and hold my hand
Until the world calls;
And then just tell it we will need more time lent.

If this somehow works, I want to be with you more,
Let everyone know.
'I will give you everything if only you will have me.'
Don't worry about what's on the other side of that door,
It will come in time.
Right now I must try to make you see all that we could be.

I first met you in the woods, that trip was sublime,
How blessed is nature!
You knew what you were about, it showed.
I learned that you too liked to hike, commune, and climb.
You seemed ethereal.
My appreciation of you, from there, never slowed.

It started that first night you came over here,
I was told we seemed
To go well together. I said you were taken, no hope.
Then I started to think on it. Things became less clear.
We grew close.
And the we had that talk, which made the slippery *****.

The release of our tension was an avalanche cascade:
Beautiful and terrifying.
You said you wanted to get to know me better,
Everything then made me so afraid,
But I spoke.
You know now who I am, word and letter.

I can't say that I know you though, always hesitant,
Holding back.
Afraid of pain, and no one could put you at fault.
Bu your recklessness is almost militant!
Different lifestyles,
So hard to mix, your heart behind a steel vault.

You are the Turks to my Constantinopilian walls,
The first to make it in,
To destroy all defenses, break your way to the heart.
I guess the walls must be rebuilt, the buildings and halls,
To store the secrets,
And hide the shattered parts.

One gate will always be open to you, if you need.
We did too much
For me to lock you out, I can merely run for a bit.
I don't know enough to take the lead,
Is that the problem?
Should I take what I have and run with it?

'If you love something give it away...'
I don't want to!
But if that is the way of the world
There is really nothing I can say.
This ship is adrift
My sails are open, completely unfurled...

But right now there is no gust--no breeze-- no wind--
I am stuck.
Is this a curse? Did I shoot my albatross?
I would take you out, but I have no money left to spend!
Would you if I could?
Confound it, more empirical data. This is my loss.

I am nearing the end now, almost done,
A bit left to say.
I just don't want to miss anything of import.
You understand don't you? You needn't run,
It's nearly your turn!
Then I'll see if I come up short.

I can feel it inside, deep down, the answer to what I asked.
he dull grey hour
Here and full of excitement! Oh the hazards of love...
They open up, in front and behind, so cast,
I knew it all the while.
I'm excited, in a strange way, kind of.

Perhaps now the sleepless nights can end?
It's 4 o'clock again.
I have work in 5 hours, but sleep won't come.
It never comes when needed, nor does it pretend.
Trust, can I trust you?
That's unfair, isn't it? It's just me that is a slum.

The question, in case you forgot, is rather simplistic,
Yet infinitely complex!
One of those with which you expect a cacophony
In answer. But to be realistic,
There is but one word,
or a few. No long and dreary monophony.

So, Alexandra, will you be mine?
And I yours?
The two of us alone, exclusive, loyal, and trustworthy.

I'm hyper and really just want to write,
I tried to write you a Sestina,
But those old forms of poems are really hard to stick.
So instead I thought I might
Be able to show you something new;
Something that hopefully won't make you sick.

You see, it's 4 o'clock in the morning now,
And I have too much energy,
Perhaps it's just the spiced wine and tea.
I wish we were on a ship's bow
So i could hold you up
And let you watch the waves of the sea

Crash against the boat. But we aren't on a ship,
or near the ocean, or even together.
Not yet anyway, though perhaps one day we will.
We were each supposed to place a pack upon our hip
and hit the woods for a while.
That didn't work out. But it's all good still,

Because that was only once chance in a thousand!
Every day there are tons of chances.
Perhaps we can go sometime to the woods,
Just us, and the sky, walking over all that solitary land.
Then at night, when the moon comes out,
We say goodnight and cuddle, if you would?

I want my energy back, this ****** illness took it away
And I'm just not right without it.
I think I'm losing you to someone, that you're almost gone.
I thin about it a lot, when I'm awake, almost every day.
It hurts everywhere, not just the heart.
I care too much, and fear that your anger has been drawn

Out by my constant want to see you, or hear your voice.
So I tell myself not to talk,
Because you don't want to respond: -- but then you smile.
When you smile I no longer have a choice,
I have to talk.
It compels my very soul to talk; and write; and go that extra mile.

Then I realize that I am lost in a world I do not know.
That the extra mile no where near me,
So I can't possibly run far enough to go down it.
I just want very badly to be able to go
For you.
Though this is something to you I can't admit.

We don't talk much any more, or hang out,
or do anything really.
I bet it is my fault, that I did something to you,
Because it is always me that is such a clout.
What did I do?
Is it because I kissed you when you had the flu?

I said I didn't care and kissed you when you were sick
because I thought... I thought
It might have made you happy knowing that I didn't care.
But I guess that didn't matter, it just showed that I am thick
and oafish where you're concerned.
Though I'm glad you decided to come over to my lair,

At least that once, two weeks ago, when last we really kissed.
Don't worry, no one will see this,
It is too real, has to much of me in it, and too much of you.
We talked a lot, you learned me, and let me learn you, and that will be missed.
If you decided that I must leave,
I will listen, whatever you say, though for a while I will be blue.

I am jealous of the other that you see when you want.
It angers me, but
That was the deal we made that day:
That I would wait, and keep my emotions gaunt
So you could have you fun.
And I just want to be serious, and date you in every way.

I don't know what all that means, but I will be here.
If I leave you now
No one else will come along for me.
So I will wait right over there,
You see that corner?
Yes, the one by the tree is where I will be.

So please (please), just come sit with me and talk,
And hold my hand.
I need to know what love is.

Today we didn’t talk at all.
That was har,
But they say it will be good for me.
At least when I know in full how far I fall
From your graces.
Looks like I’ll be up ‘till around three.

The night gives no mercy to the sad,
No rest for the weary,
Only deepens the soul searching thoughts that
Always seems to mix the good and bad
Within the dark.
So sleep flees as the mouse from the car.

It’s him isn’t it? He has me beat.
What about him
Compliments you so well? Where do I fail?
Does he bleed ink for you upon a sheet
of paper? Past open
Red. Reading of a future that slowly grows pale.

I bet this is all just self fulfilling prophecy,
That I **** us with my pen.
Tell me, where is the problem with love at this age?
(****) there, that word again, it keeps coming up from the sea
Of rhetoric in me.
Just appears in ink; dark as death upon this page.

If I don’t understand, how can I feel it?
There is little reason,
At least that is how it now appears.
No don’t get up and go away, please, just sit
And hear me out.
Just very quick before it all disappears.

People say many things about what beauty is not,
But not what is it.
We are, thus, confused for a while:
They stop at what the zeitgeist calls 'hot,'
Never looking further.
Or perhaps going just far enough to see a smile.

If it were your smile, that would suffice,
But you don't stop there.
You open up a past that is hard to bear,
And yet every day you go on, not being tempered like ice.
Not everyone could do that.
That one time I dyed the roots of your hair,

You saw a small piece of my soul,
And showed me tender eyes.
Hope rustled in the fallen, dead leaves of my past.
So you started to fill in, bit by bit, the hole
I've had for years.
That weekend we started something I hop'd would last.

But back to beauty, you are its personification--
and I a troll.
You always worry about others, not you.
People flock to you for a feeling of elation,
Fulfilled for a bit.
You have a joviality of spirit that is so true

As to turn a gray sky blue again.
Why you? Why me?
Why and how did it ever come to this?
It seems you are a Muse to me, all this from pain.
Always you asked
If I was fine, I lied and told you all was bliss.

Is it unfair to ask you if you will be mine,
that I may be yours?
I know I said December, but it hurts too much now.
Don't answer yet. Until you do I can pretend it's fine.
More to say that you should know,
But don't let what follows change how

You answer. At least feel no guilt or fear.
I won’t lose you.
But until next year I might have to leave, go away--
Excepting your play, I hold you to dear
to miss that.
When I'm ready I will come back, one day.

If you need me in that time, just text me
saying so.
Or you know where I live, my door's open.
God, this is hard, I can't just flee.
But I need space...
Not that you have held me in any pen;

Just that I'm a fool and wait for
any response from you.
It would seem I am bad for us...