It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
I wasn’t supposed to fall so hard
I wasn’t supposed to call out for your arms in the night
And my lips weren’t supposed to search for yours
As if they would actually be there.
I wasn’t supposed to nuzzle into my pillow at night
pretending that your hands were nestled in my hair
I wasn’t supposed to make small talk
just so I could hypnotize myself with that something in your eyes
I wasn’t supposed to wake up cold in the gray morning
with the strong urge to be bruised and bitten
In fits of slow, languid passion.

Unreal how our bodies match and move together,
Uncanny how our minds meld and play in synch.
My youthful love for life,
Your chuckling maturity, still unsure what life is.

Now I play soft ballads full of aching, yearning,
I can wrap myself in a blanket on the floor
With a mug of tea, and think silently on you
And the shadows I wish I could conjure into existence…
They live inside, dancing to burst free from our guilty bodies
Too ethereal, too beautiful, to be abandoned
When we (artists) know we live for such wonders.

I wish I had any other option but forgetting,
or descending into madness.
(I’m currently choosing madness..?)

And it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
I wasn’t supposed to fall so hard.
I’m so sorry,
My summer love.

I’m just another man,
Like Dexter is just another serial killer,
Like the Beatles is just another rock band,
Like Socrates is just another thinker,
Like Elvis never was a real king.
We tend to forget that nothing really matters.

Flick your eyes
Like dancing pools of wonder
Toward the skies,
Your beauty casts my soul asunder.

Fleeting pictures
Set in motion on my too small screen
Barely tide me over
With the things that I can glean.

I smell you still
In the places where I used to sleep.
And so I run
To try to find a place not you and me.

The search is vain
For every new place that I go
I cannot help
But feel you in the lines I toe.

I see your eyes
Looking up from under me,
I feel your love,
And becoming one I am free.

I gave you all,
And in return You I received,
So much more
Than I could have previously believed.

364 days ago
I was in your arms
and you were in me
my first voluntary
deceit. We had my
head against the wall
bumping, sheets below
drenched in our scents
I locked my ankles
behind your back
which was smooth
unlike your face
rough and unshaven
for who knows how long
and we were like that
a whole week in August
hiding our lust
behind screens of axe.
334 days later,
I still won't bleed
and I don't know why
I think I wasted a life.