Something wriggled into my marrow
Burrowed into my bones
Crawled through my ribs
and slid into my cells
Something started growing tumors
In every inch of my being
I am helpless and trembling
and unhappy
but I am afraid to change

A distinct moment
A click in my mind
A realization
I am fine
I say
and I mean it
because I am no longer me
This is an act
This is who you think I am
I do not break character
I am eternally happy
and grateful
and confident
and I love you.

I wonder when this play will end.

He asked me
are we falling apart now
and I could not answer
not because I felt we were
or we weren't,
But because
any word
or thought
had fallen apart from me
piled up on the ****** carpet at my feet.
An empty answer
through an open mouth
my tongue searching for the right words
as to not hurt him
as to not make him feel as I do.
I do not know how to do that though.
My mind knows I love him
and as hope is the only feeling left
I hope I love him
I hope this is a twist in our story
I hope to fall back into his arms
and feel everything I used to
I hope
and I hope
and I hope
and I hope
*To feel anything for anyone

My days are spent
filling empty hours with minutes
and empty minutes with moments.
I am calloused.
I am numb.

Tired*
I'm ******* tired

I do apologize
for being such a ****** friend
and going weeks in between visits
because I feel myself
pulling
from your voices and wants
and the clothes and the make up.
And I miss you
and it hurts.
The tattoo on my ***-
that matches yours,
it looks the same as when we got it.
Drunk and stupid
but so happy and content.
I miss you
but I'm going to stay in my room
and I'm not going out tonight.
I'm sorry
and I miss you
and I'm pulling away.

?