"Mmm",
She said,
"I like whipped cream",

and I said,
"Oh, I bet you do".

I am amazed at how,
On the eve of one year later,
How broken I still am.

You were nothing and
You were no one,
And you were the one, wrong.

Isn't it amazing how,
In a matter of moments,
Things can change best to worst?

It's over a year later and
I still find myself thinking
About her, and not you.

You, you were really nothing,
But she, oh, don't get me started.
She was the one.

Time and again I broke her
And then I broke for you,
And you broke me how I broke her.

Isn't life amazing?
The forces of Physics at work -
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Well you, hah, you were
Most definitely a reaction.
Oh yes, I got mine.

Karma I will name you, yes with a K.
A ***** of unproportionate levels,
Or at least it feels that way when a recipient of you.

In reality, a ***** of even proportions.
You taught me most important lessons
And left me broken inside.

With those lessons in tow
I moved on in life,
Moved on to leave you behind.

Moving on in every way hoping
To find someone like her,
Finding myself unable because of you.

After a year of hell breaking myself
Upon your walls has left me empty,
Bereft of courage, weak in mind, heart, and soul.

I have nothing left to give.
My body is empty.
My courage is spoiled.

So as much as I long to find her again,
I still find you in my life,
Only in a different form, though caustic as ever.

Opportunities come, and opportunities go,
But I sit rooted as ever watching them pass,
In fear of making a move - Because of you.

Afraid that I will never be enough.
Afraid that I can never be enough.
Despite everything I ever gave.

This is what's become of me, are you happy?
Is it enough?
Just move on already, I've got nothing else.

Please, I'm begging you - I've have enough.
I just want to go find a version of her,
To love her and no one else,
To love her like no one else,

And I can't
Because of you.

When I look at you,
I see nothing but your eyes -
Those beautiful brown orbs -
And I hear your voice in song,
Singing as if only to me
From above on your stage.

What I feel is another story,
Of another genre entirely.
As I go beneath that creamy skin,
All the pain begins to resonate in a way
Your guitar can only imagine -
Every note from you contained within.

Are we talking the mental or the physical,
When the scars all stay the same
Whether they're tears shed
Or more drops bled by and by?
I see that false ecstasy
Overlaying that torment hidden within.

The pain of seeing boy after boy
Playing the game to gain
What you always know they want,
Hoping time and again that it's not.
Morning lies rise with the sun to wake you,
Acting as if you never knew.

When you get home,
Sitting in your room, curtains drawn
- The darkness a close friend -
Contemplating your railroad track arms,
Wondering how it got you from no to Yak to Smack;
How to catch the mainline to noon?

You arrive on time every time.
Climb aboard as you lay back,
Finding your secret ecstasy in this life of misery,
Wishing it didn't have to be this way,
Wondering why you let it get this far -
How do you find time for more?

But this time, from the dark of your room,
As you watch your stop come and go,
You take it one stop too far.
Keep to your seat and let the dice roll.
You've always known it to take the toll:
Seeing your feet submerge in the tar.

That beautiful white hue turns ice blue,
a color that has always become you.
Breathing slows and falls in line,
Same as the rest it knows best -
This drowning has been long time coming -
And it's not scary as you thought it could be.

So now you climb to the front of the bus,
Driver says, "Sorry, ***, they're no return trips",
But as the door opens, the light blinds in.
Sirens blare and voices begin,
Surging into motion returning you to withdrawl reality.
Voices from Angels of men, giving you one last chance to live again.

The winds blow and tree branches wave enraged,
The sky is one gray cloudy mass
While the rain streams down, all is wet.
Outside is bright with the drear ethereal light
Contrasting the interior shock of fluorescent,
Divided by tired panels of rain-streaked glass.

And there you sit.

All ivory-skinned facing the poaching storm,
Ensconced in the library chair you make a throne,
Collectedly attending your papers in front,
Careless of the outside weather as
The rich falls of your hair -
                              A few reckless strands daring
                              To fall as they may.

All the while, trees continue to shake,
The winds to blow and the rains to drop,
But all you have to spare is
a quick glance,
Then its back to work.

I wish I could do more
To maybe one day believe
That I could be worthy of you
And to be part of your world

My immaturity has
Stark contrast to your delicately assembled composure
And leaps and bounds if it hopes to imitate
Your endless kindness caring, your simple giving

While I'm off slaying dragons in dreams
And conquering lands from far away
You stay in the here and now
Helping those in need all around

I see everything blossom around
You and I wish I could be everything
That you might ever need in this world
That someone to take care of you

You never ask for a single thing
And you don't know what it is to complain
But deep inside I see your pain
And I wish I could take it away

So as the last thing you expect
I will bring you this diamond ring
And I will get down on one knee and say
My darling will you marry me

And the I will say
Now let me take all of your pain away
And let me be the beauty that shines
Down upon you each and everyday

I want to be your umbrella
So that you can spread your joy
To all those who need it so bad
And I can give you all of mine

And when you come home at night
I can banish all of your cares
And I can light up your heart
Simply when you look at me
Though I will be so much more

So what do you what will you say
When I bring you this diamond ring
And get down on one knee and ask away
My Heart will you marry me

I have to do you better because
Its what you deserve for all you've done
Bringing me into and up in this world
For raising me right and teaching me well
But despite my best efforts and intentions
We both know that I cannot make that happen
As I quest to release my inner me
This thing that's built up so deep sown inside
And I will drive you as crazy
As I drive my car down this dark highway
Unseeing and alone with only my headlights here
Spotting none ahead and catching no sight behind
And still on I drive
Until it comes upon me that he is free
That day you will know I have made the most of me
And even though it will sadden you
You will see that it was needed for the best

This is how the road has to be
If it was simple and easy
And I followed the path that you intended
I will never breakout and find who
And more importantly what I am meant to be
So for the time being embrace the insanity
Its for the best
It truly is
Its for the best
And know that for all of this
For each and every little thing I have done
I love you
For each and every little thing you have done
So very much
Remember it well
And when this world of hell is at its darkest
Know that the dawn is not far off
And despite the nature you see of that world
Its only one moment, one speck in time
And that I love you all the same

The Wild Man is calling and I've seen the Wild Man signs
I thought time had been stalling
But now I see the truth forced through
I had bee free falling in time
Watching days and weeks go by
Now I see that I'm going to have to do this bailing
With my own two hands one bucket at a time
But what on this Earth is worth easy
Let me tell you that nothing comes free
So let's get to this bailing
And in time we will see this pond empty
Leaving me standing ankle deep in muck and happy
Side by side with my Iron John
Because I know that he has been calling
And all of the signs and signals have been clear
But I believe the problem has been I haven't been looking
Or maybe I just haven't been ready
I flipped that first page and believe me something changed
My time is now for my Wild Man journey
Because he has been calling
He has been shouting out my name
And in the time it's taken me to grab my bucket
I have been stalling
But now time has come
And these waters remain empty
As Iron John has been seized and caged
Over years of time I gradually realize the loss of my golden ball
The one so long ago stolen
But now I stand alone in front of his cage
Feet squared firm as I hold the key
I can see the hungry look in his eyes
For all the years he has desired to be freed
Let us take these steps together he says
And join this world alive
Not lacking in energy and passion as some
But well and truly alive as can be
To be thriving and swelling and breathing so deep
To free Iron John of his iron bar skies
And for us to begin our journeys
To leave all of this world behind
Perhaps to return one day
As all will have seen the boy that left
A man returning, his head held high