I begin my day,
It's the same in each and every way.
I begin my day,
It's the same as I see you in every single thing.
From the moment my lashes flutter open,
You're there in every single movement.
I feel you in the space between every heartbeat,
Feel you squeezing into every exhalation,
And it's this repetition threatening to drive me insane.
If we weren't meant to be together,
If we weren't meant to die together,
If it's not 'til death do us part,
Then why are you so inseparable from my life?

I search and I scream, I roar and I dream,
No matter where the search leads me I come up empty.
I want you or to be rid of you.
I can't live in all of this in between.
Love me or leave me,
But being in my life without me is torture unnecessary.

Sad, pathetic mess, I'm a wreck.
I've got nothing left, there's nothing left.
Life's a hollow shell and I've gone flat.
Not like that mattered since the wheel fell off.
Colors are gone, even the browns and beige.
All that's left for me is black and white,
And none of that is clear to me.
What I need to see is up on the big screen,
But in this shame, I can't stop looking at my feet.
Tears roll down my nose and obscure them from view,
Dropping to stain the ground in front of me.
Life has lost meaning as I stagnate.
Life is only a dreaming,
Watching me wait and pray for something else.
Pain, regret, and emotion lost in sympathy
As my life is wasting away,
Being crushed inside of me,
Unwilling to see the darker side of me.
My heart is bleeding -
Fingers vice-like -
Each tip labeled with my vice,
Drilling and boring, until as I am,
Nothing's left.

You're out there somewhere
Spending boring nights with boring people,
Annoying nights with worse people -
Out there searching for the man whose right,
A search repeated every night.
I didn't treat you right, I know I didn't.
Then I knew I wasn't the one
- a past tense statement, if you notice -
Life has changed and we have grown:
You, more wary and more closed,
Me, more mature and less self-absorbed.
And so life goes, so the story says,
With our actions - its how we write the script,
and during our time together
It was my actions that I most regret.
Those that brought your insecurities,
The ones that grew strong when you said
"[You] couldn't leave [Me]".
And love you I did, in the end.
I did love you, in my own way,
But when I look back I find it hard to say
Compared to the way I feel about you now.
It's true that you don't realize what you had
Until its lost and gone, moved onto another one,
And if there's one thing I could let you know,
Its that I miss you.
"I miss you."
Like nothing that's ever written in song.
Yes, there's the heartbreak, and yes, the regret,
But its all my fault,
With every word I said to you
That I thought I meant.
I didn't mean it.
But now I mean it,
And how much more so do I mean it
Now that I've lost you, lost you to the world.
I never deserved you, such a sweet angel of a girl.
How did you ever get mixed up with me?
And how did I trap your heart?
Crushing it with reckless passion in clear sight -
Crushing it  in ways I knew,
And crushing it in so many more
That I didn't have a clue.
Crushing in ways that I'd never know
Until it was an experience I'd been through.
Now I know.
And for that reason, it hurts so much more.
The pain of my experience coupled with
The guilt of knowing what you went through, of what you gave
For me.
A price that should be put upon no human being.
I am not worth it.
How could I have put you through that?
It makes you that much more special to me,
And I only wish there was a way I could make it up to you.
Everyday it tears me up inside,
And everyday I feel I should tear away,
Even though all the drops have fallen and dried.
I wish I could still have you here with me.
I wish I could again be the one to make you happy:
To be all to you and more one day,
To be he who sustains your heart, mind, and soul,
To be the fuel and strength for your body -
But none of that selfish talk matters.
I just want you to be happy,
To find a man who loves you, so much more than me.
Someone to take the pain away
So that hopefully you will never hear when I say,
"I miss you."

Do you want to know the way to my heart?
Give me a piece of chocolate,
And let me hold your hand.
Look me in the eyes
And tell me that I'm your man.
Love me in the spring time,
And love me in the winter.
Love me in the in between time,
And love me forever,
And forever and for always you'll be mine.
The girl of my heart
And the girl of my mind.
The love of my life,
Oh, baby, sweet apple pie.
So give me a piece of chocolate,
And let me be your man.
Bring me into your life,
And forever I'll hold your hand.

I see your name and a wave of disdain
Surges and breaks over my countenance.
I sneer and want to spit the foul taste from my mouth,
Though stumbling across you was pure accident.
No ill-intent, no malice on your part, only the hate burning,
That blackest brimstone smoldering away in my heart.

I thought it was put out - thought the fires extinguished.
I thought the pain of you was gone, but obviously I was wrong.
And as I look through my folio of writing, a thought strikes me,
A fancy which I follow, leading back to you.

I arrive, and not to my surprise,
"You would do that", I seethe inside.
You would still read my poetry and 'like' what I write, but then -
As a bitter little quirk of a smile grazes my face -
What does surprise me, is that other than you,
I am now your only favorite in this artistry.
And worse than anything else,
                                                              th­at hurts me.

Seeing this in the face of all that has been placed between us
Leaves me bare and rent, of everything, even my hate,
Which is revealed only as a stopper on this emotional bottle.
Only sorrow, a sadness that has adhered to my core remains when the course is run.
That last little bit that you never want to sip,
Those last drips you leave on the bar with the tip.

Long after I thought I could cry no more,
The tears return unwanted and unbidden,
Showing the true rebellion within my soul,
Telling me that there is still more hurt in store.
And when all I want to do is yell and scream,
To say anything to make you hurt:
To make you hurt the way I did, do,
To make you hurt how I do for you,
For you to hurt as I crush you heart as you did mine,
For you to need me as I wanted you,

And for me to give it all up, to turn from Love and walk away.

But it can never happen that way, you could never let that happen,
You could never be vulnerable the way I gave myself in trust and faith,
And in the end, that hate is not within me, I do not carry that cruelty.
I am too forgiving a person, but I will not forget.
So I live on, burdened with my pain behind these eyes, stoppered by a thin hate -
My only defense against you in my life.

Up on this cliff, with all of the greenery and sand,
With these seashells and the scrub, the shrubs,
The full moon timidly pries through the roiling clouds above my head.
The storm is fighting, but losing hope.
I watch the winds and rain racing over the water
In the pale, breaking moonlight.
Those white, streaking ruffles spreading across the dark
Make me think of wild, gold wheat in a field of deep green.
The moist, salted-rain sea air almost has a hint of grain to it.
I wait for the harvest, and know its coming soon -
Just like the end of this storm - not much beyond the horizon.
I can feel the changes already, smell them in the air,
And with dawn coming, there's a feeling of hope and Love.
The breaking of the storm and the repair of a heart,
Readying myself for Tomorrow's new start.

The horizon's dark with cloud
As I sit here perched,
Watching those tempests roll and thunder,
Lashing their furies on the water.
Ever closer they approach,
Though who am I to reproach their course?
It's well founded and steadfast.

The rains begin to fall, and the winds to call.
My name is heard above the din.
Strangely resonant with your voice,
The one I once loved and knew,
Oh so well, the things I could tell.
And the rains descend, torn from Heaven.

The last rays of sunset obscured
As the dark drives on towards me,
And I let it come and take me, unmoving.
I let it rip and whip and tear.
It roars and rages, thunders and rampages.

And when all is said and done,
Just like you,
When this storm's fury is gone, abated,
I am left standing, the ground beneath my feet - consecrated.