you didn't want me
yet you didnt want anyone else to have me
you were scared
you were selfish

I'm sorry that I love you
And I'm sorry that you don't love me too.
I wish that I could explain all of the one million things that are going through my head as I'm writing this.
You make me crazy, happy, sad, in love, angry, lustful, lonely and all the little things in between.
I care about you more that I could ever express and I hope the one day while you're sitting in the dark, with the flickering lights, you'll think of me and how perfect I was for you. And when you sip your *****, that you just can't seem to make strong enough, you won't be able to get the taste of my lips out your mouth. And while you sit with her, you can't help but hear my laugh in every empty silence, wishing I would walk through the door like I always did, and make things good again.
And I know that you're my kryptonite and that every glance will make my heart melt and every smile will make my breathing stop. But I'm stronger than you.
I was never afraid of my feelings or love or are for you,
but you were,
you always were.

I sat around for you and I waited for you. I gave you chance after chance. I stood up for you, even after you failed me. How could you do this to me? Did I honestly mean that little to you, that you thought you could treat me like all the others? You can't just have me when you want me, I'm not your toy that you can pick up when you're bored. I am a ******* Goddess and you should have treated me like one, because God knows I gave you ******* everything. I tried to play it cool, oh **** i tried so hard. But you tested me with the "I love you's". How can you tell me that we are just friends after everything we have been through? After everything I did for you. After everything I gave you. ******* for treating me like ****, for making me feel like ****. For making me hate myself. For making me hate the parts of me that you touched, kissed, held. For making me spend hours waiting by the phone for you to not even bother texting me back. For making me hate the thought of being with anyone else, for not letting me move on. For making me hate the smell of men, because every scent makes me think of you. ******* for walking over me because you knew I'd never be able to say no to you, not even after everything you did. ******* for making me weak, for making me depend on you.

I gave it to you, I gave you my all
I gave you my heart, my body, my soul
I even gave you my mind
I let you in, even though I knew it was a mistake
I thought you had changed,
you told me you had changed.

You told me to stay with you.
You told me you love me.
Was I just a game? a lustful game?
*** and ****? a goal?
It wasn't love, it was lust
and I was your conquest.

I let you take me,
I let you hold me,
I let you in.

You never cared,
even when you said you did.
There was always something else,
someone else.

The first time you kissed me against the wall, I still feel the coldness against my spine and the warmth on my tongue.
The second time you kissed me as we danced to a ****** song, my feet still hurt.
The third time you kissed me on the forehead, your lips are still imprinted on my skin.

The way you pulled me on top of you and held me close, your touch still sends shivers down my thigh.

And now, not a single word, not a phone call not a nothing & I'm the one that's stuck wide awake at night replaying your voice in my head over and over as I feel your touch on my skin.
And I promised that we were just friends and I didn't have feelings, but ****, I lied, I lied so hard.
And I tried to be strong when you said goodbye, but my heart shattered when you came running to me and kissed me for the last time.
And whenever I try to move on, I just can't forget about you and the way you made me feel, over and over again.

I hope you know that I love you.
I love you in a way that not song can sing about, no poet can write about and no artist can paint about.
I love you like the way I love staring into the sky as the raindrops fall on my nose.
I love you like I love the feeling of being drunk on a Tuesday with nobody around.
I love you like I love sitting in a bath with nothing but silence and flickering flames.

And you, you look at me and see us as 'just friends'
But I've seen just friends and they don't look at each other the way we do
And they don't touch each other the way we do
And they don't kiss each other the way we do.

We're not just friends, we're just two lonely teenagers afraid of love and commitment, expecting a movie kind of love
But baby, this isn't a movie
You're not going to sweep me off my feet
I'm not going to wait for years for you
You're not going to stop me at the airport and save me from myself

And that's okay.

Because I love you.

And I know,
you love me too.

And here I thought that I would be strong enough to walk away from you okay with being 'just friends' but with ever look and every hug I fall deeper and deeper in love with you.

And here I sat thinking I could move on from you, but with every glance and every word that came out of your mouth, you talked me deeper and deeper into falling for you.

And here I stood thinking I would be okay to say goodbye again, but with every hug and whisper I found it more difficult to let go.

And off you'll go back to your high life of sweet living and here I'll stay talking myself out of the sadness and regret you piled on top of me.

And ******* for making me believe that you cared about me and for making me feel like you loved me.