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Oct 2017 · 143
Questions
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Was there a time we would never see?
Was there a time we would always be?
Was there a lie that was true?
Was there a lie of us two?

Were there pictures of my memory?
Were there songs that went happily?
Were there words for my emotions?
Were there letters of my devotion?

What was between the lines?
What held those tight binds?
What made me give in?
What made you give up?
Oct 2017 · 124
Leaving
Janine Tan Oct 2017
In the wee hours of the morning,
I sit here on the terrace,
Watching the morning dew form,
Revisiting times long ago.

This town has had enough of me,
I'm packing and leaving pretty soon.
Start anew in some big city,
Or get lost along the way.

Finding myself always gazing up at the night sky,
Or reaching to touch the rain.
These things don't suffice anymore,
For the big dreams I want to achieve.

It's time to say goodbye
'Cos I won't be coming back.
There's more for me out there
So I'm leaving this behind.
Oct 2017 · 171
Take My Hand
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Take my hand
And I'll show you the world
The colours all around
The sights and sounds
I'll bring you on a journey
That you'll never forget
It'll stay with you forever
It'll change your life
It'll move you
'Till you see the world in a different light
I won't give in without a fight
Just take my hand
Just take my hand
Just take my hand tonight
Oct 2017 · 113
Again
Janine Tan Oct 2017
The temperature's rising
The beat's on high
Hello, goodbye
And back, again

There's no point stressin'
Just let it burn
My minds on haywire
My heart's on fire

Like writing in the sky
As if I could fly
Fly free and up above
Fly away and save the day

Running on ecstasy
It's plain pleasure
Holding on
Letting go

Hot dancing
Loud singing
Crazy partying
Come on to the dance floor
And let's go again
Oct 2017 · 117
Sugar-coated
Janine Tan Oct 2017
First bite,
It's nice and sweet.
Second bite,
It's a done deed.
Third bite,
I want another.
Fourth bite,
I've reached the center.
Fifth bite,
It starts to taste funny.
Sixth bite,
It's gonna get ugly.
Seventh bite,
I'm long gone.
Eighth bite,
I'm all done.
Oct 2017 · 109
Who Am I?
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Days on days,
Years on years.
I find myself asking,
Over and over again;
Screaming the big question,
Who am I?

Am I the killer,
Who bears the knife,
Or the victim,
Who has no more life?

Am I the nightmare,
That scares you out loud,
Or the dreamer,
Who's on a cloud?

Am I the hater,
Who has no more passion,
Or the lover,
Who's searching for that one companion?

Who am I?
Oct 2017 · 125
Ink
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Ink
Incision into the flesh;
It flows from needle to vein.
A murky river of darkness.
A never-ending cloak of pain.

Sorrow fades away
As it fills the skin.
Replaced by numbness
From within.

Ingrained, it stays;
Nothing erases it away.
Like acid, it scars;
Cutting deeps with every sinful day.

It seems as if it's poison
That trickles through the blood.
Ever free yet freedomless
Like a black-marked card.

The flipside of it all is hidden;
Small things in the details.
Look closer and see
What, in reality, it entails.

True fact shows pride
Of the work it has made.
Beauty to the beholder;
Heaven to the dead.

It lies in perspective,
What you see that's there.
A blessing
Or
A scare?
Oct 2017 · 129
Remembrance
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Portent remembrance of a disaster
Brought about one's life
Shaking the mere foundation
Of a broken heart
Wounds that would never heal
Tears that would never dry
Maybe it was a dream
A far, far distant dream
Hoping silently it would all come back to me
Jollification just a stretch away
Yet as if it were all impossible
Trying to remember those sweet times
Having you utter those words again
Wanting to drown myself into a sea of happiness
Holding what's left that I know of you
Being that fragile soul
I can truthfully say
You will live on
In remembrance
Oct 2017 · 111
Eye Of The Storm
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Being here has been the greatest place I've ever been to.
Like the calm before the storm.
The serenity
Just before the catastrophe.
Being here has been the greatest place I've ever been to.
Whirlwind of emotions,
Or indolent tranquility.
Despite the calm and still water,
I'll still brace myself for the calamity.
Being here has been the greatest place I've ever been to.
Experienced a full frontal confrontation.
Lived out my life-long wish.
Being here has been the greatest place I've ever been to.
A crashing of tides
*** watered manifestation.
Being here has been the greatest place I've ever been to.
A diamond that sparkles in the center.
A whole with split personalities.
Being here has been the greatest place I've ever been to
Oct 2017 · 122
Sateda
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Sateda,
Your eyes are bright tonight.
There are worlds out there you know not of,
Galaxies beyond the light.
You watch over your progeny,
With every last dying hope
And forever you shall stay
Infinite at your best.
You ground is walked on by the most devout,
Valour and courage
All throughout.
War rages on your doorstep
And yet nothing gives you in.
Prosper, you shall,
For it is the only way.
We will come back for you.
We will come back again.
Oct 2017 · 109
Lithe
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Lithe,
Your cloudy sky diminishes the moon.
A flicker of accuracy crosses the night,
Piercing the heart too soon.
The pact is broken.
The war goes on.
Surrender lies lifeless
On the blood-stained skin.
Your weapons are great,
Your warriors are strong,
On them you place an infinite trust.
Fanfare of trumpets,
Revelry and merry-making.
Victory is welcomed
Yet death is eminent.
Your dear king breathes his last breath
And falls wordlessly into the abyss.
The dawn of a new age arrives.
Oct 2017 · 125
Look Closer
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Shattered glass sprayed out across the floor
Bloodstains on the door
Splinters like rain
A scene that will drive you insane

The story's hard to tell
The reason to how I fell
Empty search for an alibi
No giving in to the lie

Let the tools do the killing
Let the heart do the healing
There's a fate that needs sealing
An embrace full of feeling

Reach to the core of it all
Read one of the centerfolds
Tell me what you see
'Cos I see everything

A piece of framed art
A story with heart
Souls in unity
Love in solidity
Oct 2017 · 111
The Beach
Janine Tan Oct 2017
The sun's nice and warm.
The sand's full of shells.
The wind's in my hair.
The water's clean and clear.
The salt's in the air.
The shore is all I hear.
Oct 2017 · 111
You've Broken Me
Janine Tan Oct 2017
A little sooner than I expected.
Felt the same way millions of times before.
Pushed down onto the sidewalk
Or treated like a mat.
It gets worser every time.
This time, it's you.

Was under a false pretense.
Hoped that you were it.
Time and time again I've been under a hoax,
Like a trance
But with a huge ripple effect.
Shock waves of pulsating movements
That live on for an eternity.
Being scarred deeply;
Bleeding through the lacerated wound.
Watching the bomb go tick-tock-tick-tock;
The impact is hard and deep,
But I've always got something to say.

Hear me out,
Hear me loud.
You've broken me
And I can't be fixed.
Constant fear fades away,
Letting mundane life take over.
Sad to say you've had your chance,
So now I'll see you on the other side.
Oct 2017 · 103
Morbid
Janine Tan Oct 2017
I know,
Death; Despair; Doom; Depression.
It's all my forte.
Slash, burn, stab, and ****.
Never was a little bit happy.
Showed no sign of giving in
To the greater forces in life.
I'll always be who I am.
And again, I'll return to my roots
One day.
I can never say I'm not.
This is 'cos I'll always be.
Oct 2017 · 123
Prologue
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Heavy metal brushes the wind
Boot tracks in disarray
Cloudiness over the stifling night
No creature in sight

Rustle among the leaves
Darting eyes everywhere
Cocking of the gun
Birth of a son

Phantoms among the trees
Demons in the leaves
Echoes in the air
Glow in the bare

Expressionless to the sight
Military at fright
Found and unexpected
Guns retracted

There lays serenity
A piece of bare art
In hand holds the life of two
The sacrifice for the crew

Courage powers the son
With underlying emotions
Reach out
Salvation is about

Warmth to the skin
Death of a sin
All passengers in
Let the story begin
Oct 2017 · 120
This Love
Janine Tan Oct 2017
It last for an eternity,
This feeling that fuels me.
I've shed many tears,
But I just have to face it.
You make me feel this way for a reason,
Like water and fire rage as two extremes,
But together,
Earth is formed.
That feeling that makes me throw myself forward
And dive into the clouds;
Free-falling into the unknown.
It seems like heaven on earth
Or maybe you're just heaven sent,
No matter how down-to-earth you may seem.
You;re everything I could ever ask for,
But the only thing is,
You're not mine.
There's a place in my heart for you;
That place is paradise.
I wish I could say we were meant to be,
But fate is on a course unknown.
No matter what happens,
I'll love you forever.
And this love is the strongest I've ever seen.
It's overwhelming beyond control;
A manifest of emotions.
A whirlwind of doubt.
A brick wall of closure.
It's everything yet nothing at all;
Like a shapeshifter at work.
Everything will last forever
Even if you never know.
This love is everlasting.
Oct 2017 · 148
Showdown
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Vultures up above,
Circling around the sun;
Down below they circle too,
In leather hue.

Their boots crackle like fire.
Dry heat swarms over.
Safety's off at the revolver.
Silence doesn't say it's over.

Narrowed eyes,
Tightened lips;
A second's glance
Starts the magnificent dance.

Ignite the fire.
Press down on the trigger.
The bullets ricochet everywhere;
It's like a colourful dare.

This is the showdown
And nothing is gonna stop it.
It goes on forever;
It goes on wherever.

Stop shot in the middle of the dust,
It's their final call.
Whip out your guns, boys.
Let me see your toys.

Will it ever end?
Oh yes, it will.
For the final moment,
They trigger their alarms
And all is done.
Oct 2017 · 115
Tied Down
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Eaten a poison apple
That grew from a great big tree
Its vines tangled around my body
Its roots chained me down

Every time I broke free
It swallowed me back up again
With greater force than the last
A never-ending cycle of prison

Bound to its trunk
Day and night
Feeling the poison run through my veins
There's nothing I can do about it

One day I'll be free
Join all the winsome smiles out there
But for now
I remain tied down
Oct 2017 · 102
I'll Be There
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Shooting star
Burning comet
Wherever you are
I'll be there for you
With the speed of light
In the nick of time
I'll run the universe
I'll fly the worlds
I'll traverse the suns
And I'll walk the stars
All just for you
Suffering abrasions and debris
Searing heat and freezing ice
The universe is ours
This eden of light
So just call me tonight
And I'll be there
Oct 2017 · 95
Today
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Today, I feel like I'm floating.
Floating in murky water,
Treading through the deep and shallow,
Searching for clear land.

Today, I feel like I'm flying.
Flying in hazardous weather,
Winding around lightning bolts,
Searching for a brighter sky.

Today, I feel like I'm running.
Running on rocky surface,
Avoiding all cracks in the ground,
Searching for a smooth patch of green.

Today, I find myself wondering.
Wondering who these love songs are for.
Wondering who these tears are for.
Wondering who holds my heart the strongest.
Wondering who will be there for me tomorrow.
Oct 2017 · 115
Crazy Kind of Love
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Wake up in the morning
Climb out of bed
Your voice is the first thing I hear
From the tiny radio box
My heart's thumping to the beat
It gets my blood rushing
Just the crazy things you do to me

Down by the little park
Left behind the hustle and bustle of the city
Impromptu musicians pick up a random beat
I start to dance my way
Across the bridge I go
Over the shallow pool
Full of ducklings swimming along
Pick up a few flowers
Caress them as though they were you
A beautiful flower in my hands
Just the crazy thing about you

Meet up with friends
We're going out on the town tonight
Hit the disco
Headlights flashing everywhere
Dance to your beat
Like you're right here by my side
Just the crazy way you make me sway

Twenty-four seven
You're on my mind
Hard to get rid of
But why would I
Hard to believe you're true
But hey, that's you
Crazy as can be
Oct 2017 · 113
Class
Janine Tan Oct 2017
C is for the cacophony of chatter.
L is for the long hours of dread.
A is for the accusations of the heart.
S is for the serpentine lines of words.
S is for the song of goodbye.
Oct 2017 · 111
Puppet In The Window
Janine Tan Oct 2017
I once saw this puppet in the window
Pointed to it as it hung limp by its strings
It wore a dainty dress with daffodils
Braided hair and blue sparkling eyes
As the show started it pranced around
Following all of the puppeteer's movements
Much applause came when the show ended
And as the curtains closed
I noticed the puppet's painted smile
Full red lips showing a row of white teeth
Only I knew there was much more to the smile
It was fake.
Oct 2017 · 115
Liberation
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Set me free
And let me go.
See my wings
Soar up high
Into the sky.
Fly,
Fly,
Fly.
Oct 2017 · 196
Love
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Love is that warm feeling.
It does all your healing.
Love is that embrace.
Oh, it is grace.
Love is when you go crazy.
It is when your hair goes fizzy.
Love is a melody.
Filled with all the emotion of a graceful lady.
Love is when I have run out of words to describe it.
Love is when you make a good person out of it.
Love is everywhere.
Love is ubiquitous.
Love is love.
Oct 2017 · 100
Run
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Run
Run...
Away from the things you love.
Run...
From all things above.
Run...
Keep yourself safe.
Run...
Keep yourself away from your grave.
Run...
Escape now and forever.
Run...
Don't get lost wherever.
Run...
It's a matter of survival.
Run...
There won't be a revival.
Run...
It's your only way.
Run...
Today.
Oct 2017 · 93
Abandoned
Janine Tan Oct 2017
I abandoned my heart on the roadside.
I left it along the way.
It bled my blood.
It oozed day by day.

I abandoned you to die.
I left you over there.
For you to suffer.
I didn't much care.

I abandoned faith and hope.
It flew away with my humanity.
You made me give up.
I think I have lost my sanity.

I took so little to abandon everything I came to know.
But it takes so much for me to get the things I want to know.
It is just the way life is.
It is the way I grow.
Oct 2017 · 99
Before I Cry
Janine Tan Oct 2017
It all starts to come.
Everything.
All the emotions.
All the feelings.
Feel that hot burning feeling.
See those teary eyes.
Feel the sensation of hurt.
Then you can't stop it.
The water works just come.
And yet I see myself enduring it all.
Just to come out alive.
Just to survive.
Oct 2017 · 106
Whatever
Janine Tan Oct 2017
It isn't just a word.
It isn't just something that people say.
It isn't whatever you are thinking it is.
It is a diss.
It is a sign of dismay.
It is a sign I dread.
Don't dare say it to me.
Don't dare mouth it.
Don't you dare.
For it hurts.
For it pains.
For it does things that you wouldn't expect.
For whatever isn't the whatever you expect.
Oct 2017 · 108
Out My Window
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Out my window,
I see the world.
The way things work.
The way people go.
Out my window,
I see the world.
Not just about materialistic things.
Not just things of the norm.
Out my window,
I see the world.
I see the many lives go by.
I see the many hearts beat.
Out my window,
I see the world.
The fantasies that play in everyone's heart.
The dreams that are made in their lives.
Out my window,
I see the world.
Look with me.
Stay by me.
Out my window,
I see the world.
As things go by...
As things live on...
Out my window,
Look out there.
Out my window,
I see the world!
Oct 2017 · 223
Stupid
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Stupid isn't just a word.
It is me.
I feel stupid.
Stupid for all the things I don't know.
Stupid for all the things that I don't get 'cos I'm stupid.
I'm stupid and the rest of the world isn't.
Where is my place in life for a stupid little girl?
I don't know.
Help me find my place.
I feel stupid.
Call out to me to rejoice for I am smart.
But I still feel stupid.
Inside I do
feel
stupid.
Oct 2017 · 101
Sweets
Janine Tan Oct 2017
Sweets aren't just things of heaven.
They are things of hell.
They turn you into sinners.
And not only do they give you more weight,
They **** you slowly inside.
They aren't just little candies that please one's soul.
They are little devils that slowly tear you apart.
See their effects on all little children.
As they devour you bit by bit.
You are left to suffer what you did.
You are left in scraps to save yourself.
How do you save yourself?
I really don't know.
Face the music.
**** yourself.
Or just sit and wait.
And look at it this way,
It all starts with just sweets.
Oct 2017 · 117
Entwined
Janine Tan Oct 2017
My heart beats for you in constant motion.
It sings a sweet song of silent devotion.
You hear me crying out at night,
That prayer of your bright light.
There's a ring around you that keeps me out
But I'll break through it without a doubt.
So many words that I can say,
This love grows deeper every day.
It's like a labyrinth of emotion,
Searching for divine seclusion.
Billions hold your heart
But you're the only one who holds mine.
All I hope for is that final moment.
That last glance.
That ending revelation.
That night we set our lives entwined.

— The End —