Why Mom?
Can I just ask, why?
What did I do to you to deserve this?
You say you love me but this is not love.
This is not love.
Love is not hitting me in the face.
Love is not hitting me anywhere.
Love is not yelling.
Love is not cruel words you say to me.
Love is not physical or emotional abuse.
Love is not alcohol.
Love is not drinking by yourself in your room.
Love is not drinking with people who use you.
Love is not putting alcohol above all.
Love is not putting alcohol before me.
Love is not supposed to create hate.
Love is not abuse.
Why, Mom?
I'm begging you to stop.
I'm on my hands and feet begging.
Please, Mom.
Stop drinking.

Maybe you drink yourself to bed
And there will be no one left
Because you mistreated the ones you loved
And they could no longer bear to stay
For they had lost so much already because of you
They could no longer bear to stay
You lie
You hurt
Why do you hurt the ones you say you love ?
You will drink yourself to bed
There is no one left
You mistreated the ones you loved
They could no longer bear to stay
They had enough
Why do you hurt the ones you say you love ?

I only wish more than to burry myself
Deep within the ground
Only so my body can wither away
So my bones may decay
So I may become the dirt
Where the flowers will grow
Where the sun will shine
I want to infuse with the earth
I want to be useful for something

The smell of cigarettes remind me of you

So I smoke one

And another two

So I can taste you

So I can feel your kisses linger along my lips

So I smoke three

And another four

So my head can be rushed with memories of you

So I can feel you one last time

I cannot stop smoking

I cannot stop thinking of you

Will these cigarettes **** me first or you?

Their biggest fault is their impatience

How quickly they fall in love

Then right out of it

I am an enigma
Made up of bad habits and insecurities
Haunted by bad memories and negative thoughts
If you could read my mind
You would be in tears

Maybe we were just two black holes colliding
Who couldn’t escape each other’s gravity
When we collided  
It sent ripples through the universe

Everything is a misinterpretation
Of your deception
You think it's going to be okay but it is not.

Last night I felt alive

As I dreamt of being on top of a building

We were sitting over the edge

Our feet dangling hundreds of feet above

As I got up I slipped and fell

You reached for me

You called my name

But your words were distance

I was falling through the sky

My heart was pounding through out my body

I shut my eyes as the weight of the world fell through me

I braced myself for death's arms

I never left so terrified

Until I awoke

Waiting
Tick-tock
It is cold
Her face is pretty
I'm going to be sick
Waiting
Tick-Tock
He holds me close
Says it is going to be okay
What would I do without you
Waiting
Tick-tock
Laying
Tears
I've never felt so terrified
Waiting
Tick-tock
She strokes my arm
Tears swell on her pretty face
More tears
Waiting
Tick-tock
It is cold
She says it is going to be okay
It is over

I'm going to run away
Far enough so your grips can't reach me
Far enough from your abuse
Far enough so you can never hit me again
Far enough so your hands can't even touch me
Far enough so I can't hear your yelling
Far enough so I can't hear your cruel words
I'm going to run away
Far enough so you can never hurt me
Far enough so that I'll never see you again
Far enough from your abuse

Day and night go by
Everything is still the same
No one seems to notice
How miserable and alone you are
Day and night go by
No one seems to ask
If you've been okay
If mom is still drinking
Day and night go by
Nothing has seemed to change
Mom is still drinking
Mom is still hurting you
Day and night go by
Everything is still the same

I'm better off not feeling
Because its too revealing
Lets just stay in a haze
Till the day ends

Touch me
I miss your touch
Your different touches
When your lips touched mine
When your hands touched my chest
When you touched my heart
When you told me you loved me
I miss your touch
When you pinned my arms back
When you grabbed my neck
When you started to kiss my chest
When you moved to kissing my stomach
I miss your touch
When you kissed my thighs
When you licked my lips
When you slapped my ***
When you ****** me
I miss your touch
Touch me

I do not hear you
I do not see you
I do not feel you
But I am continually reminded of you
By the constant nausea
The uneasiness through out my day
I carry a gift
The gift of life
But it is not joy I feel
Or a gift that I possess
But a burden
Shame and guilt fill me up
Where you use to be

I don't want to get hurt
I feel like dirt
I really hate long distance
Because an instance
You could end it all  
I hope you don't forget me
And do something you'll regret
Nothing every goes my way

I hope my unhappiness does not drive you away.

I do not have the beautiful words to describe the deep pain in the pit of my heart...
How it feels when her words betray my soul..
The words to describe how it feels when she puts her hands on me...
I do not know how to describe it, but it is awful.

A green chair
Smoke fills the room
Laugher
They hold each other close
She use to feel so alone
But they became each others home
She held on too tight
She was afraid to let him go
They knew he was going to have to leave
Now she craves to be home
She is all alone
All she hopes every morning is to wake up in his arms again
Only to be disappointed again
Again

You have so many faces and shades
I'll never know which face is really yours
What shade will you use today ?
I'll never know who you really are
You hide behind your addiction
Put it above all
Claim it's not a problem
But it's tearing us all
I've never known who you really are
Because all my life I've seen these different shades of you
Some more horrifying than others
Do you even know who you are anymore?
From all the lies, manipulations, your cruel words, your harsh hands, your tough grip...
Who are you ?

I hate how I feel since you have not been here
When your not near my head feels unclear
My heart is aching and I can not stop shaking
Too much on my mind
Not  enough time
Restless nights and loss of appetite
What keeps me up at night
Are you losing interest in me?

You put your hands on me
But it was my fault
At least thats how you made it seem
I instigated  it
I deserved it
Men and women are equal
We should be treated equal
I hurt you
You hurt me

Break my heart just **** me as everything else has

I have been living with a cloud
And I'm not very loud
Or very proud
I had been lonely
Craving for someone to hold me
Then you came along
And sang your sweet song
I fell
It felt like an alarm bell
Inside my heart
I could not seem to part
I have never felt so good
And I finally understood
What the poets wrote about
What the musicians sang about
It is love
Which I had been neglected of
For far too long

Everything is going wrong
Please don't string me along
I'm just asking for a call
I don't ask for much at all
I'm so depressed
I can't seem to rest
I don't want to get dressed

Right then I knew
When the room changed colors
When patterns began to form
I looked into your eyes
They were so beautiful
Right then I knew
When our bodies melted into one
I had an overwhelming feeling
So beautiful
So pure
Never felt this good before
Right then I knew
When you kissed me
That I never wanted you to stop
I have fallen in love
Never felt this good before
Right then I knew
I love you
On this beautiful trip with you
I have never felt this good

I'm falling apart
You've got it all
It's easy for you to say
When you're so far away
I'm glad you're doing fine
Because I'm really not
You deserve the best
Maybe it's not me

I will be here until you do not want me anymore.

Loneliness turns into a physical pain.

Sometimes I would feel I was freeing
But I fear I have sunken so deep I cannot see the way out anymore

I bet you never read my poems
The way I read yours
Everyday
It got me through the day
The words
That gave me the strength
The courage to make it
Now you are breaking me
Tearing me
You do not seem to care
That is the worst part of it all
I hold on
Because I thought what we have was more than passing time
If it is only memories to you now
I guess I did not mean very much at all

I miss the way things use to be
When I would wake up next to you
When you held me close
When I was able to see your smile  everyday
Now, you are so far away
What happened to us?
What happened to the couple who could not go a day without seeing each other ?
I cry all the time
I can not even get you to call me back
I love you
I'm glad you seem to be fine
All I do is whine
I miss you
I just really want to kiss you
I want things to go back to the way they use to be