There is this woman with stringy brown hair
Blue polka-dotted shirt, the same one
Head droops down
The weight of melancholy stampedes her to near-death.

She hardly holds herself up straight
She barely looks me in the eyes, she is shamed
Every time, she is paler and paler
Every time, gets the same comfort treat, maybe this will help this time
Maybe,
This time.

Chocolate peanut butter flavor with hot fudge and whipped cream
I am the only one who notices her slight shaking..
Fiending? Needing?

$4.61, please
I am the only one who notices the scars on her arms.

"Thank you, have a good day."

And I am frightened that one of them will soon be her last.

I am frightened because I want to save everyone
But I can't.

It's like throwing starfish into the sea, one by one
Still seeing the shore still filled with them.

Everyone around me is drowning and they pull my hair down with them.

i have a love affair with my scars,
a collector's cove
   of secret treasures

and late at night,
i stroke them like the memories
   of old lovers

The
Most
Hazardous
Drugs
In
The
World
Are
The
Ones
That
Originate­
From
Our
Own
Minds.

throw away all of our material *******
our iphones and credit cards and television sets
throw them in a bonfire, take off our clothes and
dance around the flames naked chanting freedom mantras
we could do anything we wanted
climb to machu picchu and try to feel the past
drink ayahuasca and play shaman for a day
be wild and open and part of the earth again
for once in our lives we might feel important
unrestricted, powerful
like we have a purpose
and even after the hallucinations fade
maybe the plants will still whisper to us our destiny
when we are sleeping in hammocks and eating bugs
i guess i just wouldn't care if the guts got stuck in my teeth
because you'd be there and encourage me to give up my ocd habits
of always being clean
because you'd make it worth it to not care
i'd give you my soul if it meant we could always feel this way
so wonderfully lost in each other that nothing else matters.

my face burns from the place
your mouth was
      from dusk to dawn

I am just an ignorant girl always building hope out of sand
Under the feet of destroyers
They laugh at my ambition
And stomp down carelessly
Onto what I couldn't hold together with glue

So I laid there, defeated, roasted from diglottic sun
Red and burning, confused and peeling
Waiting for the tide to wash the remnants of my failed creation
And these shells of pearless useless oysters
Away.

she says YES
DON'T LET THIS STOP
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
******.
and you've done it again.

I will bite your tongue
while you bite your words
i miss writing like i miss your mouth
soft,sweet,spicy

do what you want
you're not needed on this side of town
just receding,slowly
away and away and away
up in the sky
in a hot air balloon
around the world in 100 days
because we need the extra 20
to enjoy the sights and sounds


yes darling, australia is beautiful
but the coral reef is dying, and rotting away
no more rainbow shores
just an island in the middle of nowhere;somewhere

i will find you
even if 100 days later
you are on a street corner
smoking a ciggarette in each hand
stuffing the world down your throat

INHALE;EXHALE
INHALE;EXHALE

Antarctica is melting away.

Fix me a dish of your lie delicacy
Pretty please
With a cherry on top
And chocolate syrup aphrodisiac mind body control
Oh yummy, so delicious
May I also ask for a glass of fluoride water to compliment
Your plague cooked to perfection
Fake and suspiciously over-sweetened
Your contamination is a serious thing
Somebody call the health department
Because women and children are crying
Their stomachs are being filled with artificial hope as they
Throw it all back up onto the just-mopped linoleum floor
Check, please.

If I lose you after all, after this fall
After the leaves change and death fills the air
I'll just lie to myself and say you were just research for the secret book I'm narrating in my head
Internal observer, on the inside looking out
Taking notes somewhere in my cerebral cortex
Somehow without my consent the neurons fired them into my heart
And it was supposed to help me breathe but it has only become more difficult
A carefully executed experiment but apparently I have
Fallen victim to my own placebo effect
Is it real if I believe it is?
Is it like thinking happy thoughts in order to fly
What would prove as compelling evidence
I have to remain objective until
A positive correlation is made and solidified and
Thrown in my face
Maybe it's the way your Claddagh ring is still turned on its inside
And I don't know if that means you already belong to someone
Or if you think that means you belong to no one
Who understands all this fleeting symbolic **** anyway
Who really understands anything at all

...blame the dreamer, the make-believer, the great play-pretender. blame the girl that picks up every drop of hope off the floor with tweezers. we all want to believe. even if its obvious how dangerous it could be, even when it has dagger-like thorns, and they stab your fingers. we want want want something still even though you will bleed. blame the ambitious one. blame that ******* time that always haunts us. blame the one that tries to defy it. blame loneliness, blame that empty space, that shadow that lingered for so long. blame the encouragement of self-sacrifice. blame basic human instinct, to see, to chase, to conquer. blame the amygdala. but what would it be like, without emotion, memory..it wouldn't hurt to forget to remember. blame energy. blame everything you've ever tried to believe in, wanted with every ounce of passion you had left. blame money, we're all just slaves. blame the unknown course of human life. blame the unpredictability of the circumstances in which you take your last breaths. wherever you would be, would the last scene in your play be a happy one or a tragic ending..or somewhere in between? blame analyzation and rationalized thinking, the fact that things could make perfect sense but your gut tells you differently. blame fear and anxiety, blame what scares you the most in this world. heights, change, being alone. blame the girl that always sees light but is ready for the dark, she is waiting by her windows. shes prepared for the part in the end where the actors bow and you realize, oh, yeah, ****...this was all just imagined.

blame me. the director. the optimist. blame me, because i picked the thorned rose.

but it was just so, tempting, so extremely beautiful...

......i just take life as it comes.

Delete my words
Delete my existence from your mind
Delete your heart because it is being wasted and beating with no echo
Delete everything you've ever known because known has no pure definition
Delete holographic sceneries from your shattered glass window of eyes
Delete your aura because your solid form is contradicting it and I've always seen right through
Delete the false interpretations of your ****** actions
Delete the people you ****** and ****** over
Delete them because they are just broken useless condoms flushed down toilets
Delete yourself from this planet and transfer to an alien world because you have shown how very unworthy you are of cooperating in this one.

reminds me of my grandpa
I never decided if it was bitter or sweet but all the same
I sneak sips from the bottle in the fridge

his house in the mountains
his long driveway and boulders to climb on
every day an adventure
when you're 7

chasing deer and running in sprinklers

pistachio shells under the couches
a grand piano

still life fruit paintings
so simple, the world then.

I watched him die
of cancer
when I was old enough to understand

that that was only
his body.

The very first line of the very first chapter ****** me in
And grabbed me like Freddy in my dreams and wouldn't shake me away until I had barely enough energy to wake up
Between chapters the pages were stapled together
Skipping so many so many many page numbers they all blurred together
And formed a weightless insignificant half & half story
Faces and voices and quotations
Forgotten then regained in new perspectives through new lips and emotional injections
The story stays predicted with some adjustments
Reading from the same script every ******* time
All those run-on sentences are continuously recycled
And you will choke them back up with every girl you bring up
And then drop them down down the rabbit hole black hole where am I and how did i get here
All that remains the neon highlighted favorite parts
At some point in the story it must've meant something
But after the ****** we just all fall apart in our heads
Trying to puzzle it together and giving up and finally walking out the door
Ripping the staples and paper flies everywhere
Like paper airplane love notes thrown and cutting hands just reaching for one last hold
Language is multi-dimensional and the angles from which they're read
The lost pieces have lost their place
Lost in time somewhere back there wish I could have stopped it and danced within
So the end wouldn't come
If endings are just beginnings than you are infinite indeed
Because you won't stop rewriting this book you are trapped in
You eat words for breakfast lunch and dinner
And then hold your stomach after it's so completely filled you want to burst
And wonder why you ate so much of them
When you are the author of this never-ending tragic story
But you'll still pick it up again and start over for each warm smile and rephrase everything
Make it seem like it's the first you've ever read with fresh born eyes
But the repetition will drag and you'll need some action
It's never enough or it's too much
I'm never enough or I'm too much
But at least I can say I was in there before I was expectedly torn out in insecure panic
Stapled shut out of sight and out of mind
How many different versions of this plot have you told by now...
How many of them were worth the waste of breath
Because I was pretty ******* sure I was worth at least maybe a ******* pronoun
I capitalized to strengthen you and I was edited out all the same
You're stuck in a labyrinth walking aimlessly and waiting just to find another dead end
Leaving everyone anxious but no one convinced now that you speak true
When you've weaved in so many dreams and science fiction
How will you ever know what is real
If you won't let yourself trust anything
I was real and I was trust
But the world is fake and plastic like blonde Barbie dolls
And only the artificial temporary flavors of things taste the best.

Wasting my parent's money I skip algebra to lay in the grass and watch ants crawl up my arms
I can't summon the strength to face numbers and figures and x equals agony and y equals misery
And when you divide them you get a quotient sense of absolute isolation from the swarming intellectual hive of the world
I watch the clouds and ask them why living is worth all this hassle
All this nodding and smiling along never really comprehending
I ask them as if they hold all of the answers inside like they hold the rain
They tease me and slide out of view right as I grasp their responding formation
The reasons to keep going are always changing and at times drift away completely
Over the horizon leaving me
Nothing
But
Blue.

Of one single fragment of a moment slipped through my fingers
I tried to the press rewind button but
It jammed in on itself and is now
Footage just looping over and over again
A surveillance camera catching a robbery of sorts
A heart robbery
And we're looking for suspects
But the faces are fading into the backgrounds
And magnifying close-up, it is harder to see
Everything pixels across the screen
Like trails from tripping eyes
Just another left-wondering motion
Double-taking, staring hard
I only see what I want to see
Was it you?
I guess I'll never know
I see pieces of everyone everywhere I go.

out of all of the possibilities of evolution
and potential existence
you are by far the loveliest accident
your skin is the perfect catalyst
for oxytocin and dopamine
to charge through my brain
like lightning
your pheromones speak to my body in
provocative biological languages
to which i respond with red cherried lips
puckered and begging for more
serotonin-induced euphoria
until you, my darling
it has never been so exciting
to be so human

**** my energy blood and
Recycle it when you go back to your coffin every night
My empathy kills me
My empathy liberates me
I feel so weak, so very very weak
I am the strongest person I have ever known
I am everyone I have ever known
The most knowing of the strength to defend my castle but it is open to the public
I will have to warn the masses of the oncoming spread of disease
"Please take a brochure and know what you are getting yourself into"

STOP HURTING HER
Stop hurting everyone because I feel pain that isn't mine
Its easy to fake it
It's even easier to fake-out yourself
Everything you touch turns into pyrite and fools run up to it thinking they have found gold.

You pick me up in your green car, your favorite color, like the tint of your eyes when the light hits right
You act so casual, everything so smooth, everything so easy

(I wish it was as easy for me)

We have these moments when conversation stalls
It's not uncomfortable, just heavy
A mountain range beneath the stillness of water
A rising heat from a hidden fire

(I wonder if you know I'm losing my mind over you
If you know that I know that you know that we know that we really could have something here)

We drink bitter coffee drinks and eat day old scones
Pretending to be bohemian intellectuals, we talk about *** and peace and justice
We play Scrabble:

"Nurses"
"Loot"
"Vines"

Secretly I want to sweep away the crossword chaos and make my own message:

"Be mine now now right now"

But that would be breaking the rules of both games we're playing

Pleasure delayers, keep silent, nonchalant
Take one step forward and two steps back
Show affection, but not too much
Wear your heart on your sleeve, but only in small portions

I don't want to overdose, overwhelm, over exaggerate
And watch another
Run away

(Please, please don't)

And so I dream of you, in your John Lennon t-shirt and shaggy hair
You tell me to give you time
I give you a watch and you laugh at my cleverness but really
I was hoping that it would be enough.

i think i'm starting to figure you out
little by little
maybe, possibly
the pieces fitting
like plugging my hairdryer in an outlet
i'm learning to not absorb the shock so much

you push me away
on purpose? subconsciously?
it works, occasionally
until i realize it's a test

and you know how anxious i get about those

i guess i pass though, because then you come back
all smiley that way you are

do you not believe i like (love?) you?
despite all the ******* you claim

i **** at sports but i win gold medals at mind games.

Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking
Most likely considering the effortless exchange of our thoughts
It happens more than I let on noticed
Each hiding beneath the same shell with the illusion of invisibility
Contradictorily with razorsharp X-ray vision
I see right through you and you see right through me
The most introverted extroverts and pessimistic love addicts
Sometimes it feels as if we are looking at a mirror and there appears the other
As if we are the same person
And if I changed a perspective
Would yours shift as well?
It is these wonderful similarities that make us magnetic
And our bipolar tendencies that make me objectively view the potential
Our evolution is stumbling when we are wearing such armor on our hearts
What if my confusion is brought on by yours?
Why are we so scared?
The answer to that would probably be the same as mine
But we are both too stubborn
To surrender.

Looking beneath behind through as if searching for a small speck of dust
Some kind of answer or hint, please
All the while hiding cases and cases of confidential files
Neurotoxic venom building up underground about to explode in geysers of
What the **** is going on?
What are these letters I type in contrast to the static blizzard
Freezing brain cells avalanching down
Drowning in its overwhelming white intensity
Covering all traces of understanding
Seeking every last hidden-in-plain-sight human and universe motivation
Contemplating every glimmer in hopes it was just a reflection.

And did you know I talk to you when you sleep?
I shamelessly speak to you and you have no choice but to listen
Except it is not through your ears
You'll wake up suddenly and warm and I might cross your mind for a spontaneous split second
Like a tip-of-the-tongue phenomenon trying to recall your dreams but...you...just...can't...put your finger on it...

I've never seen anyone cut as deep as you do
And do you bleed?
Is your blood diseased with toxic venom
Do you feel sometimes as if
You are backed into a corner, and everyone is watching you
Attack yourself because you would rather self-destruct than face the contradiction of your actions
You are greedy with the ones that love you
You eat them up like the sap from the tree of life
Until you spontaneously combust into the flowered ****** hearts that have sacrificed themselves for you
And you live forever as the ones you've pained.

Dropped into a glass
The chemical reaction is immediate
Watch me dissolve and dissolute
Drink me until you are immune
Until I have no more power left to cure you.

spring days in the park

you were just traveling through, you said 

you didn’t mean to end up here,

but life has a funny way of bringing you places
and you say such horrible things

everything evil spilling out of your mouth

like pandora’s box 

and you leave my tongue tasting sweet

but it never stays for long
i want your hands on me but you take them away

as soon as they start sweating
i want to bare everything, this worn-out soul

but as soon as i take off my clothes

you’ll see my body’s secrets

and you’ll just keep
running

Alas, if I had anyone else to blame besides myself it would be you
And how ironic,
How "you" is a universal or selective statement
The usage applies to one specific person or many
However
Out of all the "yous"
You have had the most impact
You have hit and run and left the most amount of damage
Years since and I am still owing debt to your wicked brainwash wash my mouth
Out with soap because I am not to speak until I am spoken to
You have resided in a cave a terrible dragon in darkness releasing fire memories
Memories
Are
Powerful
Things
In a present moment your actions so long ago bring me backwards
And I trip over my own feet in embarrassment
Sticks and stones will break my bones
But your words have formed a disease in my mirror
I was raised under the impression no one would really love me
I would not be good enough for anyone
You broke my confidence and my screams
So no one could ever hear me in the middle of the night
A fanged silhouette hovering against every background
All the ******* times you dug your fingernails into my skin and slapped me in the face and called me
Disgusting
I hate the things I have accepted
I hate how I let myself be a victim
I am ashamed I have ever let anyone have power over me
It turns me on but scares the **** out of me
A shadow over my interactions
You have secluded my sense of self to rot
In a cancer that you have created
And yet I crave the realness of pain
There is a dark side to every moon
And I know depth and I understand the art of deception
The pureness of sensitivity
My hair stands up on the back of my neck
Always sensing hauntings
Invisible as a ghost.

The phantom drifts around my room setting the stage for silent refuge
It fills my lungs with clouds and I lift up, up and fly
Eloquence through the flow of my body keeps my head safe inside.

usually im thriving on change
but now change is thriving on me
i used to be buried only in silver linings
but clouds dont have handle bars.

im liquid and mutable,
no solid foundation,
i have daydreams
but they comnstantly **** me dry,
ive had lovers but they never called,
the pretty girls get to go to college with daddys money
well my father doesnt believe in me,
doesnt talk to me,
all i have to offer is art

and he wont trust what he doesnt understand.

a vision thats been so clear lately,
im packing my bags with ocean mist shampoo, a camera, a toothbrush, blank notebooks, shooting star earrings, vanilla incense,
catching the next flight to wonderland.

dissapear.

not that this town,
the only place ill ever call home,
hasnt brought me so much,
it has shown me its many hidden paths,
all the best spots to duck into with the friends that drift in during the summer
but never really stay,
secrets through the sweet potent smell of smoke,
the writing on the wall:
"are you living your dream?"

so im wondering.
is this what my whole life has built up to be,
a skyscraper of long-term memories
encoded then stored to forever be pulled up from file drawers?
lessons learned and regrets thrown in trash bins,
barely scratching the surface of those i thought i knew so well,
hands in the oven
and wading in water,
rainbows over ambulances,
the city in flames,
strawberry fields,
bear tracks in snow,
freezing cold spring in hardly standing tents,
dazed morning afters,
bruises and scars and reckless lucid dreams,
diving headfirst into the shallow end,
over and over again,
chasing the world through a lens,
artificial perspectives;
how i watched so many fall for them,
drinking their life away.

the moment i realized i was lonely, but i would never be that alone.

a series of events of which i still dont know whether or not were unfortunate.
i dont want to be another high school angst heartbreak cliche,
the almost-smiling girl lifted into the dawn, away.

but this head is raging.
"the heart is the weakest ***** in the body"
and the medicine just isnt working.

somehow, i believe, new streets and sunsets,
unfamiliar faces on littered beaches,
every corner a turn i wont hesitate to make,
will bring back the fragments i have dropped along the way.
because i just want to believe.
i want to, finally, be.
i'm starving.
i want something more.
give me anything.
i want to overdose on everything miraculous that there is yet for me to walk on. maybe drown in northern lights.
maybe paint my hopes in passion red and off-turquoise-seafoam-green.
maybe chance a stranger, a kind voice to be exchanged with mine. one i could trust, could crawl into and sleep.

it’s a pen of bulls in your stomach
the wonder, the not-knowing, the what-ifs, whens coulds and might-bes
the numbers on an oxygen tank dwindling down

too many thoughts becoming their own creatures,
tearing down cities that we carry inside

it’s leaves shivering from an island wind,
the people running away from shore

that moment when you slip on ice and you don’t know if you’ll catch yourself

it’s dying, not knowing where you’ll go
and space, not comprehending how vast

counting all the possibilities in the universe and only thinking
about the most horrific ones
some of us always live in worst case scenarios
and i,
have not yet mastered the art of surviving them.

i discard belief in demons or angels
or resurrection or blood spent for my sins
but i have seen evilness in human nature
i have felt the wastes of desire
the utter trash of always being unsatisfied

if i was judged i could never be forgiven
if hell existed i would be queen

she's holding her pen like she does her tongue

drawn back,

poised for the pleasure of letting

the ink drip to the ground

and she bathes in its dark puddles

(where abstract meets sense,

where mind and soul meet the body that plummets to solid earth)



she opens like a well-read book

but buries secrets in gold between tired lines

charmed treasure

(x marks the spot)



she's staring at walls

that are oh so elegantly covered

with quotes

with buildings

with trees, with skies

with flowers and beaches

with faces she will never see again.

(but she knows how lucky she is to have seen them atleast that once,

atleast that one last time)



she leads the way

up trodden paths

to moon rocks and city lights

(and wonders how one can possibly feel more alive,

can enhance their only existence)



she's dreaming, as always

a glaze in her eyes

hoping, waiting, contemplating

feels bare,

feels that everyone can see the trip in her head

(she's naked, but laughing

because they see her in clothes.)

Why do you always return out of nowhere at the most inconveniently convenient time
Where do magicians go when they disappear, it's a secret we're all dying to know.

Between two minds my mind flips
Why do you feel so empty sometimes
Do you float above your body and are robotic action
Are your thoughts your actions
Are they all the same, are they different
Are you everything at once
Once warm the next seemingly cold
If emotions could be that easy to separate
How easy would I be to dissolve
I am losing my grip on my perceptions because
I am the manipulated
I am clay
Use me use me and abuse me
I will beg for more
Because I am a sacrifice
I give myself even when I have already given everything
And I realize in a quick shudder that
The closer I get the faster I might let it fade
But I hate the space
How did I let this confusion overwhelm me in its toxic cloud
I am a delusion
An illusion
All is illusion
I am the audience
Gasping at magical feats
That are smooth gimmicks
I am the happiest fool.

Art is
s e e i n g
Ordinary Things
from
extraordinary
angles | selgna

this is what its like. its like holding your breath underwater. its like wandering with no destination. its like a narrow corridor, drink this and you will be small enough to fit through it. its like almost tripping over the unexpected rise in the sidewalk. its like that moment when you catch yourself right before your face collides with the cement. its like the cement itself, gray and watching happiness hanging just above. its like keeping the stare of a stranger. you cant stop but if you look away too soon youll make the silence awkward. its like the hunger of a girl who refuses to eat. progress hurts so good. its like taking a sip of red wine. its like an accidentally-on-purpose confrontation. its like a summer sun shower, it rains when its the brightest. its like the taste of strawberries, and the tiny seeds get stuck in your teeth. its like biting your nails after you've finally grown them out. its like a movie that takes you in its grip and doesnt let you go. its like the rolling credits where youre still intoxicated from it. its like...."yeah im writing a blog." "whats it about?" "i...dont really know. it's like, poetry, or something." its like a subliminal message, its telling you straight to your face, its right in front of you, but you're oblivious. its like the air that pinches your arms in autumn. its like the scarf you tie around your neck. its like the stones you believe will affect you somehow, will lend you their powers. its like finally, looking forward to something, or something like it.

Eyelids sewn shut zombies wake and prey upon
Flesh in the shape of words
They were grave stricken
And adrenaline seeped through dormant veins
Blood is truth
This is all we know
Instinct, attack, leave for others to devour
Morbid, my symbols
The best ways to depict such an ache
Gruesome and gnawing
Reminding
Never dead, head always running
Only defeated by my own consuming desires.

the world is your stage
but it is my
playground

There's always been something about that feeling of books
Books rotting away beneath laminated covers
The fingerprints from hundreds thousands of ***** hands
All turning the pages, some slower than others, taking their precious time
Some hastier readers, eager to consume knowledge, there's not enough time
But me, I am caught in between
When I read, everything is still
The story pours out filling the emptiness of now
Frozen in a vocabulary paradise, a language of dreams
Not thinking about where I have been, where I am going
Just a limbo-land serenity
Where memories are freed and replaced with new fictional ones
The characters become my friends, my allies
The villains my villains
I feel their kisses when they kiss and the taste of food when the narrator eats
Absorbed in a false reality more so than this one
Some people drop acid and watch wonderland
And I prefer to dive into a sea of words
The waves lift me carefully and carry me away into a far away place
A parallel dimension, a paperback time machine
An hour fades into three, hunger pangs and missed phone calls but
I am on a cognitive vacation, having intellectual *******
And I want to stay here forever.

Sometimes it's difficult to be
Extrasensory
It's like
Being blind in a darkened room
Feeling around with a cane
But knowing
Exactly where everything is
And wondering why
You waste time taking baby steps
It's like
Predicting you will trip over the fold in the carpet
And then doing so anyway even though you're conscious of it
It's like
Experiencing everything
Even the bad things
Twice
Everything a deja vu
It barely surprises me, my mouth open in permanent awe from
Trying to meddle and change the outcome
But always
Failing
It's like
Watching the same movie with the same sad ending
Hoping every new time you press play
The guy wins the race
Or that the lovers won't die
But they do
Every time
Once, twice, a million times
A cinematic premonition
And I don't know why
I keep paying to see this ******* movie.

I have a very intriguing nerve to ask you what this is, now
But I fear if we gave it a name it would destroy itself, like everything I touch
If these voices in my head are accurate, which they usually are
I know that you know that we know that we've surpassed into the "more"
Because you could not say that this is nothing
This is not nothing
This is not nothing
But we only acknowledge it in those seconds we collide and ignite within our eyes beyond our bodies
Then, crash, our own individual chemicals released
Swirling around our helpless brains, breathing heavily
Our oxygen caught up in the smoke
Our hearts caught up with our actions
Realizing how vague the rules seem now, wanting to break them
Wanting to connect, wanting to run away from the temptation
Of falling madly and deeply...
No, the strength inside gained from loss before will not let me
I can, and will, resist to mention
Oh, but it feels so...
No, dopamine poisoning has taken control, this is only a passing wave
Or is it?...
Everything just disintegrates and morphs along the scale of time
We have mistakenly created an inpenetratable boundary
A barbwire fence, but the dark side taunts me to make my hands bleed attempting to climb over
I just want to see what it would be like...
I pull myself back together, pull my shirt back over my head
Solidify my own intentions, withstand inside my translucent shell
For we are water and if we are not contained we would leak everywhere.

i want to
be the thing
you twirl
between
your fingers

Here's to the night, those nights, this night, i will find comfort in my velvet blankets, words with senseless depth, the smell of rising smoke, this room is too hot, so why am i still cold, why am i still hopeful, when all that falls into my hands is acid rain, burns, burns, burn, burnt, give up, give in, it hurts, but that's just feeling, like an alien nightmare, must destroy it at the source, myself, but if i was numb, my compassion would slip away, don't let me swallow all the novacaine, tomorrow, maybe, might be, a brighter day, here's to the most lonely optimist, i'll raise my crystal champagne glass to the mirror, and drink memory erasing potion, here's to you, all of you, cheers.

Shrink me small enough to travel through your body at the speed of light sound vibrations to find your core of thought wavelength motivations slowly intoxicating from the poison you drink to numb them and I poetically overdose physically overdrive feel your pain thinking its mine and deciding this is not me anymore and that I no longer know who you are.

Red beating hearts, red lips, red ribbons, red red red blood red, smear it on the wall and call it broken, drip, catch with your tongue, artificially flavored, fake tastes so sweet, chocolate foil litter, a hurricane, snow to make snow angels, mine stepped on, give up, you're no angel, you are not pure and don't even think for a second you are beautiful, the crave grabs you by the hair and spins, ring around the rosie, pocket full of posey, ashes ashes, they all have hands to hold so i'm the one that falls down.

i'm sorry for needing you to touch me all the time
it's not a ****** thing
though
it could be
if you were okay with that

but no i have this naked way about me
i'm always cold
and longing
and you're warm
you mammal you

perhaps i'm a special kind of vampire
why yes i do stay up all night but
i feed off of love instead of blood.

Have you ever felt five minutes

s t  r   e    t     c      h       e        d

into eternity?

Your mind an endless stream of worries and doubts and darkness
walls closing in, claustrophobia hyperventilation
panic panic panic attack

Take me somewhere new right now
somewhere where I can bask in my own self-deception
thinking I can run away from the oncoming moment
the oncoming train, headlights in the tunnel charging straight towards me

nowhere to hide.

The phantom inside always following
like trying to play tricks on your own reflection...

hello, i am air.
i am finding my way between cherry blossom lips.

hello, i am earth.
i am beneath you, rooting your feet to this very spot.
don't you dare move.

hello, i am water.
i am slowly slapping against the shore.
testing my own depth.
dive in.

hello, i am fire.
i am every passion a flame holds.
i am every ounce of heat that goes straight to your head; makes you sweat, disorients you.

hello, i am possibility.
i am the wide open sky, second chances, new horizons.
i am the point of no return.

the human mind is just an extravagant illusion.

a complicated spectrum of polarized emotions

fluid and elegant dreams like boats on waters that ripple infinitely, obliviously

(because once you wake up, theyre gone)

what we call "love" is just a chemical released

what we believe is the sun , the moon, the energy

is nothing compared to what they ACTUALLY ARE.

it is just easier to assign them names, proper scientific qualities and observations than to stay awake in our beds and enjoy the mystery

we don't have enough time to be confused.

confusion?

in which the mind struggles to process a stream of thoughts into a single explainable or even remotely comprehensive one

therefore, transferred into words,

metaphors and similies

because emotion, the concept can never be explained clear

these, after all, are just words.

they shall make no significant impact on those who don't accept them.

words are just a series of symbols we convince you to believe in.

like numbers,

time.

where does the past go?

do the memories still wallow in a another realm exactly where you left them

the times you danced under the moon

or that first kiss

you swear, so much, that the energy is left behind.

the fascinating way you still feel the shadows of things that will never be again.

we both have this,
hidden....core
we slowly peel back to reveal
like we're withholding this great wizard
behind some elegant curtain

maybe it's because we both know mute suffering
the kind that sticks around and becomes part of your bones

we say to each other, oh i won't judge you, you can tell me anything
i can handle anything, you can't scare me

and it's true but still we,
are....crawling
back to our shells like hermit *****.

you can run run run as fast as you can
but you will always look back and wonder,

because i know you see yourself in me.