Sometimes it's difficult to be
Extrasensory
It's like
Being blind in a darkened room
Feeling around with a cane
But knowing
Exactly where everything is
And wondering why
You waste time taking baby steps
It's like
Predicting you will trip over the fold in the carpet
And then doing so anyway even though you're conscious of it
It's like
Experiencing everything
Even the bad things
Twice
Everything a deja vu
It barely surprises me, my mouth open in permanent awe from
Trying to meddle and change the outcome
But always
Failing
It's like
Watching the same movie with the same sad ending
Hoping every new time you press play
The guy wins the race
Or that the lovers won't die
But they do
Every time
Once, twice, a million times
A cinematic premonition
And I don't know why
I keep paying to see this ******* movie.

Where am I?
Have you seen me?
I am the tiniest object in an I Spy book
Strewn randomly in miscellaneous artful clutter
You scan in concentrated scrutiny but happen to see right past me
Eventually you give up and turn the page and I remain forever unfound.

Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking
Most likely considering the effortless exchange of our thoughts
It happens more than I let on noticed
Each hiding beneath the same shell with the illusion of invisibility
Contradictorily with razorsharp X-ray vision
I see right through you and you see right through me
The most introverted extroverts and pessimistic love addicts
Sometimes it feels as if we are looking at a mirror and there appears the other
As if we are the same person
And if I changed a perspective
Would yours shift as well?
It is these wonderful similarities that make us magnetic
And our bipolar tendencies that make me objectively view the potential
Our evolution is stumbling when we are wearing such armor on our hearts
What if my confusion is brought on by yours?
Why are we so scared?
The answer to that would probably be the same as mine
But we are both too stubborn
To surrender.

I have a very intriguing nerve to ask you what this is, now
But I fear if we gave it a name it would destroy itself, like everything I touch
If these voices in my head are accurate, which they usually are
I know that you know that we know that we've surpassed into the "more"
Because you could not say that this is nothing
This is not nothing
This is not nothing
But we only acknowledge it in those seconds we collide and ignite within our eyes beyond our bodies
Then, crash, our own individual chemicals released
Swirling around our helpless brains, breathing heavily
Our oxygen caught up in the smoke
Our hearts caught up with our actions
Realizing how vague the rules seem now, wanting to break them
Wanting to connect, wanting to run away from the temptation
Of falling madly and deeply...
No, the strength inside gained from loss before will not let me
I can, and will, resist to mention
Oh, but it feels so...
No, dopamine poisoning has taken control, this is only a passing wave
Or is it?...
Everything just disintegrates and morphs along the scale of time
We have mistakenly created an inpenetratable boundary
A barbwire fence, but the dark side taunts me to make my hands bleed attempting to climb over
I just want to see what it would be like...
I pull myself back together, pull my shirt back over my head
Solidify my own intentions, withstand inside my translucent shell
For we are water and if we are not contained we would leak everywhere.

Pull the masks from our faces to reveal...
Our eternally exquisite interiors
Like diamonds in the rough
Man-made tools would not be equipped to dig into the hardness of our pasts
That have cemented patterns and cyclone cycles
Unending spiraling of uncontrolled instinctive thoughts..

Stop.

Backtrack, rewind, stop.

Where did "I" begin?
And how have I become this way?

At the edge of space I contemplate
The best way to go about expressing this...this..
All-consuming breathless reckless calm frightened indifferent contradictory stillness
And I can't figure it out because it's not even words anymore
So I laugh and look up, around, and I feel so tiny and insignificant
Look back down and still just as small related to anything anyone everything everyone
Bemused and confused, still a little bruised
Either way I don't belong so I close my eyes and let go
Out
Of
My
Head
Soaring
Soaring
Soaring...
Oh
No
Oh
No
Oh
No
I think
I grabbed
A backpack
Instead of a
Parachute
So
If I
Shatter
When I
Crash
From being
Brutally
Exposed
Weak and
Unprotected
Just
Remember
That
At least I
Enjoyed
The fall,
The feeling.

I just want the pain to float away into outer space far far millions of light years away and fill me with vibrant healthy radiating luminescence to battle my worries that keep me awake and creating more anxieties upon my body aching contracting squeezing fear into tiny stress dynamites exploding inside internally introverted paranoia worst case scenario expectations this is probably nothing and I am driving myself sick with my illness of mind quantum imbalanced fields vibrating and reacting to thoughts well stop thinking stop thinking stop thinking stop feeling stop feeling stop feeling for just a second to pull this all together before I fall apart and disintegrate and my optimistic limbs fall off leaving me with empty pockets empty answers tests and x-rays determining the origin of breath loss gnawing biting monsters eating my structure within images of myself bleeding obliviously not waking up because I am too stubborn to acknowledge I am not invincible to myself anatomy is an art form and I painted this hurt.