i won't beg for your attention
but i will seek love
whether it is from you
or whether it isn't.
i won't spend every waking moment drowning in my sad thoughts.
if I can seek love, I will.
whether it is from
a blade,
a drink,
a smoke,
a person,
or God.
i intend on being happy.

it's three in the morning and
for the first time in so long,
the silence that rings in my ears doesn't remind me to think of you.
hours ago, i wondered when I would stop thinking-
when I would stop thinking of you.
yet now I feel strong.
now i feel like I could spend
three seconds, minutes, hours
being tortured by the silence and I'd be unphased.
I'd be unaware of you.

I remember those moments,
when I didn't cry,
I wept.
You would hold me gently but close,
And I would listen to your steady inhales and exhales.
I remember those moments,
Being so amazed.
I am usually the strong one.
And here I lay cradled in your arms,
careless but thankful as to the minutes you've spared for my weakness.
You heal me with just your presence.
I remember our moments,
Remembering makes me forget where I am.
Remembering makes me okay.

If you know hurt,
you know the late nights and prolonged thoughts.
If you know hurt,
you know how quick your muscles tense and how difficult they loosen.
If you know hurt,
You know the constant emptiness that seeps through the windows of your soul and lounges behind the layer of your eyes.
If you know hurt,
You know numb.
You know breathing, but you know suffocating.
You know hurt.

I stand at the edge of a bay.
I notice the curls in the water,
and the deformity in my appearance.

I stand in front of a mirror.
I notice the cracks in the glass,
and the deformity in my life.

I stand in awe at myself.
It takes one to know pain,
It takes another to know pain
And still want to drown in it.

I imagine you heaving through heart beats, dreaming of another land.
Perhaps dreaming me up.
Imagining our bodies melting into one another.
I would run my fingers through your hair,
and you would carve a smile onto my face.
I imagine you patiently waiting,
as I do the same.
Perhaps content but eager.
Wondering if we have met eachother or
Wondering if we know eachother.
I imagine pain,
I imagine strength,
I imagine love,
I imagine happiness.