The wind blows
The sun shines
The grass grows
The air smells of pines
If only it were mine -
The halls are loud
The building is cold
The people walk proud
The kids are bold
If only it were me -
The days are long
The week is hard
The answer was wrong
The kids put up their guard
If only it wasn't me -
I want to be open
I want to be happy
I hate being broken
I hate acting sadly
The walls, they glare at me
The words jump off the pages
The stares get heavy
The building is a cage
Trapping me
Trapping us
Holding us here as if they're scared we'll leave
If only people could understand me
Then maybe, just maybe
The days wouldn't be so lengthy
So hard
So scary
So difficult
Because that is me -
Something I don't want to be

From lots of laughter, splashing and playing, and sharing memories
to it
coming to an end.

mamma
Are you there?

I have something to say

it’s not much,
but it touched
me
I’m not dying
it’s not like that

but mamma...
Would you listen?

mamma
I helped someone
with words

no shouting
no eyes, trying too hard
it's not called art
but you do need your hands
typing I did
words so I said

I thought twice
to find the exact feeling
words that couldn’t be ignored
because the sentence
was built that way
just like I say

oh
You noticed I said "sentence"?
please don’t sigh

I know it’s not a full conversation
but maybe you should know
sometimes, a few words
are already what we need
before we start to bleed

things like:
"I’m proud of you"
"I love you"
"breathe in, breathe out,
we're not going to freak out"

so I took your job
before you could say stop

in fact
they were more than
sentences
I told
that person
but mamma
you had no clue

but the most important
faded away...
because
Did you notice I said helped?

...

this is stupid
don’t take your time
to listen
I’ll stop wishing

my stomach,
it twists and it turns.
Should I go or should I stay?
These thoughts surround my head,
Scared of what lies ahead.
What could go wrong?
I'm not sure that I belong.
Oh silly me, just be free!
For this is your only chance to feel alive again.

Life is unfair; sometimes the misery we can't bear.
This was a feeling I could never share.
I am strong, strong enough to move on from this pain.
I won't feel the shame; my life is not a game.
Tired of these tears and my fears,
I will cherish my inspirations.
I will find my dream, I promise; that's what I will achieve.
I will find a way to leave.
I'm not who you will deceive.
I believe in miracles; these people laugh like it's hysterical.
I won't fall; I may be lost, but I will be found.
One day I will find the perfect life; life will run beautifully,
I will fly like a butterfly through the night, will have a pleasant sight.
Afraid but I will fight.
No boundaries, free my mind of all the pressure.
Leaving here will be my pleasure.
I want so much to be free; so much I want to see.
I want to reach the sky; I want so badly to fly.
See, I used to be a fool when I let you treat me cruel.
I made a mistake, but I won't let myself break.
Leave me, for God's sake.
So now I kneel down to pray.
For these times of struggle I will just say,
I'll leave in your hands, God. I will let go.

bandaids on my wrist.
i wish they worked.
i wish i did.