Oh won't you come down and save me!
Place your warmth over me and shelter me.
I am freezing down to my pea coat.
I heard no laughter, no acceptance! No
battle is too great, just make it through
the night I thought, hanging adrift with a
silk red tie, just make it through the
night and I will defeat my demons!

I am down in the belly of the trenches,
prepared to go to war with you everyday.
I prayed in the darkness of my hour. I
am down on my knees, reciting a little
prayer and it felt as if I was at home. I
opened my eyes wide but stayed put
in the altar of your grace. I bowed to the
king of kings, but have I?

Yes. I'd thought of hanging myself with a
silk red tie. Is the thought always there, yes!
I swore never to carry out with it though!
Will there be someone there to guide me home?
My soul will not be ****** and I will
rise above to you oh Lord. I won't be locked
out of Heaven. Never ever have I felt such
love and serenity. Do you feel that?

I folded like a blind bird,
crashing down to the ground hard.
I eventually stood up,
calling out for help but miles
away there was no one.
I seemed to be lost in a one
man's world. I found myself alone;
abandoned. I needed an ice pack,
feeling woozy I sat down
******* the dusty clay.

I just had the wind knocked out of me.
I will outright dispel any
notion that I sang like a parrot?
I'd teared up but did not cry.
You caused a flood of emotions
no doubt. I was able to stand up
again and mudded it along.

I had baked under the sun for too long.
No more will I be blanketed
with your feather dust and lewd
behavior. I give up! You must go!
Trying to fix what's long been
broken is not feeble anymore. I
refuse to figure out any avenue
to making this work.

I refuse to engage you any further
in which I have done. I won't
continue to allow you to break
my spirit; half which is gone already.
You drive a hard bargain!
I clearly see pass the lies and deceit.
I can do bad all on my own!

I refuse to engage you any further!
I rather stare into the eyes of
the bird all day, then to play kid
games with your immature brain.
But thank you for the Christmas gift.
I will enjoy the single life with
myself and the more loyal African grey.

It was 2 a.m. and I was  
unable to sleep.

I heard the awful news
that you were no longer
with us.

I was told that you
took a bullet,
and that death was instant.

I cried my heart out
the whole ride back
to NYC from Rhode Island.

I spoke to the Medical Examiner
over the phone and was
sent a copy of the autopsy.  

You were my older brother
and I looked up to you
for guidance in life.

New York City raised you
but Oklahoma is where
you expired.

I long to have you
back but you instead came
home in ashes.

I stand eerie befuddled on the bathroom floor, tickled pink with the mites in my hair, quietly humming my national hymn, grasping for glory but its nowhere to be found.

"Are you okay, is there something I can fetch for you," the mirror asked.  

I reply with a murmur to the sky, wasted; incomplete. Feeling defeated with plumb eyes and thorny tongue; castrated to the rear. Naked but dressed in a silk red tie; thoughts of suicide embedded in my mind.  

I've cried wolf before, so why should they come and help me now? Take blame and ownership for the chaos, which has been caused, but the river is so deep to cross. The light bruising are very visible.

Marilyn Monroe was found dead naked on a bed with white sheets. "What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course," she was once quoted.

Butterfly's happily dance above the white baby grand piano. I tossed back a shot of Grand Marnier, while enjoying a Acid Blondie cigar.  I mask the pain, illusioned with a smile.

Misery has appeared once again to celebrate my birthday. I hastily and angrily gave it the finger. I wore a sign on my forehead which read: Keep the hell away you *******!

I don't speak in tongues because I am bored and filled with deceit. I roam around in my own head aimlessly, searching for the exit sign. I stand eerie befuddled on the bathroom floor; darkness crept up!

"Are you alright in there? I need to use the toilet," the urgent voice exclaimed.

I mastered the art of silence, using it as a blocking mechanism to shield myself from annoying persons or things. I just hate loud noises. I just hate to be disturbed. To be left alone to my own devices.

I lingered around for a moment and finally opened the door to the devil himself. "Vous regardez surpris!"

I was fishing for a clue or the glue;
I can't remember which one. But I
found myself in black eyeliner -
feeling cold and blue, talking
gibberish and smelling foul. A
rot of a thousand clowns.

You circle me, shark-like. You
foolishly engage me with your
***** infused breath. I nakedly
Tango in my head - scream
inwardly, but I see bulls laughing
at me with untrusted eyes.

I vow never to be that stupid again.
Drifting beyond a state of here
nor there. A bleeding truth, dreams.
Have I gone way too far? I feel
the break from the heat, cool breeze.
The oven and its scent of fresh baked bread.

I am washed of my sins now, but I still
feel snakes in my bed. Or is it that I
am dreaming it? Bizarre! The fog has
covered my eyes - blindly. How will I
continue to cope with my own sickening
thoughts? No meds, just freelancing.

How do you deal with the highs and lows
of life? I imagine it and then put it down
on paper. For private eyes only. But soon
everything comes out to the light - exposed!
I settle in for the night and leave all my
worries for the morning.

Clearly, I never wished to be more - happier.
I think I just nudged myself awake!

I know the feeling
very well - its mutual.
To be ****** and dogged
cowardly. It's an
unwelcoming
situation. All bottled up
with emotions
and consumed with rage.
At your breaking point
and at your peak of going
over the edge.
Licking your flesh wounds,
but calculatingly plotting
your eventful
revenge.

I recoiled in my sleep -
dreamt with weep,
sipping on an empty cup
I flame with ashes as
I claim to be dead.

I had forgotten what it
feels like to be human
again. I fought you and
the world, caved in to
solitude - bathed in salt.

I rather do what to forget
what it feels like to be
human again - don't you?
I sing my song of solitude-
it's my daily prayer.

I have traveled thus far,
a million miles more to go!
Keeping the snakes at bay,
fire in my torch, life in my
lungs, a beating heart of a lion.

I have scoped out the land-
battled the sea, ate raw meat.
He is shimming my crown,
the sins of my labor - the
blood carries my weight.