I'm living under water,
Breathing my last breath,
I'm in a perpetual state of bardo,
My existence between life and death.

Alcohol isn't numbing,
I look for a harder fix,
I need to remember,
What a heartbeat feels like.

I look at self destruction,
The immolation of my soul,
As the sweetest form of poetry,
My symphony number 4.

I'm floating somewhere high,
Or is it down below?
Days and nights seem to fly,
Time has lost its hold.

Existentiality is fleeting,
Insomnia feels like a rabbit hole,
The falling lasts forever,
The end is invitingly close.

Voices seem to echo,
Faces seem to blur,
People melt into one another,
Is there someone knocking at the door?

The scabs seem to be growing,
Yet I don't remember getting hurt,
I scratch at nothing,
Is that where my skin was?

There's a battle every morning,
And as evening comes to a close,
I wonder if I've won this round,
Or lost the war of my world.

I'm diving into darkness,
Swimming to glint below,
But is that the stairway to heaven,
Or Hades final call.

My controller seems to be broken,
The X no longer works,
As I seem to be jumping,
To someone else's tune.

The battery seems alright,
So I give it a fine wack,
I try one more time,
To take my character's life back.

He seems to be running,
Like a man on a mission,
To some unknown destination,
No arrows to guide him.

This independence is haunting,
Like a cut-scene from his life,
I wonder if he knows,
He's coded to move and sigh.

I'm aware he's going to win,
But I wonder if he knows?
His life is written in binary,
His world is made of ones and zeros.

He seems so sure and confident,
As I wonder about his dreams,
Does he want to move forever,
To someone else's beats?

And as he completes his missions,
One objective at a time,
I see a haunting similarity,
Between his world and mine.

The only difference is,
Who's really free?
The charterer of my video game,
Or is it really me?

My shadow speaks in prose's tall,
Of where it's been and the things it saw.
Of mountain peaks and valleys long,
My shadow could write a travel blog.

I alas can't say the same,
Though I've visited all the places same.
My worries and my fearful heart,
Couldn't quite fathom this extricate art.

A prisoner of my shouting mind,
The words aren't silent, the fear divine.
An orange jumpsuit, is what I've adorned,
All my life without a single cloth on.

Locks and chains are lighter still,
Than the shakles of this panicked *****.
I'd trade my mind, I'd give it up,
I'd make it silent with that powdery white stuff.

I crave for silence in a quite room,
A moment of peace, some quietude.
I wish to travel like my shadow does,
Living and experiencing, not a reflective stop.

Remember when we chased butterflies,
Ran behind dreams,
Stalked opportunities,
Shadowed hope and trailed desires.

Today, staring at a picture postcard laden desk,
The only thing I chase is the end.
Finality has replaced hope and uncertainty is no longer exciting.

We've grown beyond our age,
And aged beyond our dreams,
We're all but asleep,
With open eyes.

A nightmare as a daydream,
A de-shriveled reality,
A symphony of monotonic cacophony,
Of timelines and deadlines
Where we're all looking for a lifeline.

A throw out to yesterday,
Looked through kaleidoscopic eyes,
Where every tree was green and every sky blue,
Where the future held hope and life held purpose.

Boohoo, Boohoo,
Weeps the self pitying fool,
A heartfelt cry, cried every night,
The world he feels is too cruel.

Boohoo, Boohoo,
The gods have been untrue,
A prayer sung right, is to reap great heights,
Yes the pious man lays unswooned.

Boohoo, Boohoo,
He sings this merry tune,
He sings to the world, hoping someone will hear,
And tell him he'll grow to.

Boohoo, Boohoo,
The melancholy seeps through,
His world spins around, all upside down,
Yet unchanged he continues.

Boohoo, Boohoo,
The weeping man's a fool,
He lost it all, his girl and consorts,
This man is failure come to.

So when the world ends,
Is it okay if I cry?
Is it okay if I'm less man,
Is it okay if I don't abide?

So when the world ends,
And we're just you and I,
Can I tell you I love you,
Without the fear of society's ire?

So when the world ends,
Can I shed a tear?
Can I cry unlike men,
Can I miss you forever more?

So when the world ends,
Can I finally say goodbye?
Can this be the final answer,
To what beyond the universe lies.

And somewhere he knew,
The villain was him just in different shoes.