i’ve spent the last few months
trying to figure out
if i was the one
who dragged you under
or if i was the one
who drowned

i still don't know

i touch my lips to his; they taste like butter until he starts losing weight
i find two ladders on his body- ribs and scars.
i love him like red sky in the morning. pushing my fingers into his mouth is like Christmas Eve.
his lips on my skin burn holes; big enough to drown in.
he tastes like peaches. like peaches and honey. like peaches and honey and sugar. he teaches me how to hold my breath for a long time and how to relax all my muscles underwater.
i was very little when he loved me and so i didn’t understand
that he was trying to drown me

he tells me peaches are purple
he tells me the sky is black
he tells me veins are green
he tells me people are blue
he tells me he is fiery in love
and i'm too shy to ask
"in who"