Two souls underneath a black night, cold concrete beneath, and a freezing river far below. Our souls face troubles of their own, and our bodies shiver in the cold and with the nerve it takes to release a small amount of our very selves. But here, I am warm by your side, and my starry tears are a comfort as they reflect the twinkling sky and bring life back into my cheeks. The stars were guardians and intent listeners that night with you. And the chill of the air was our agent; as the flumes of incense will carry prayers to the highest heavens, so the wind would take our breath and transform it into misty whispers, whisking them away to the lights of the sky. Now if those prayers (unrecognized as so) were mighty enough, do you think it possible that those listeners became messengers? For as we lay shivering, we also were shaking under the weight of the universe, and as one star would flee the sky, it was as if our burden grew lighter and each wispy sigh of sorrow became instead a stream of laughter, lifting our spirits and brightening the sky above us.
And here. This was my moment of revision.

Here is a secret I’ve kept for over four years.
There was a stack of letters I wrote you with the same title.
But over time I stopped writing.
Over more time, I tossed those letters out.
But now you are back in my mind,
and you hold a new space.
After too many failed relationships,
three people who have used me for their own desires,
and one specifically bitter heartbreak,
I see you in this new light.
I know with absolute certainty that you were my very first love.
I also know that you are the only person I have ever loved so purely and authentically.
So much so that this love for you remains with me still today.
I carry it in my heart, in secret.
But today I heard a song and I realized something else.
There are songs I have dedicated only to you.
Only to this innocent and pure love that was between us.
Never could I have given these songs to any other lover,
for the sheer reason that they have all crumbled and fell away.
But not you.
And my love, I have grown.
And I have journeyed so far from where you left me,
to realize that I will never again have you as my own.
And it is a reality I’ve learned to accept.
But those songs will remain yours…
Unless and until I can find someone who is truly capable of the love you give -
the love your soul has always readily available.
Someone loving and kind and pure-hearted.
For now they remain yours.