It was always the possibility
that kept me going
and I should have let you be
and saved us both from this
but at least now we know:
there's closure
where before there was not
that's all I ask for.

Let's* just sit on the beach 'til the sun don't shine and feel serene while we drink white wine,
let's take pride in how we spend our days and pray we'll never end this phase.

I understand
that you must have some things to sort out,
and that life
doesn't like to follow our plans.
I welcome you to be my bully,
the one I've yet to have.
It's alright you can do that,
I'll last through it
like there's no tomorrow.
BUT do not
expect me to act like we're
cool.
We aren't
okay.
I'm gonna make eye contact with you
every time you look at me.
I can fake laugh too baby,
in your face.
But I saw the tears,
that had to have been relevant.
I mean,
center of attention as always,
but still, they existed.
So when what I did hurt you,
and you found something to laugh at,
found someone to hurt too,
I only felt sad for you.
When what shouldn't matter to you,
did,
I stepped away from it all,
and observed.
BUT you have to now realise,
that I'll fight you for what I want,
because you've made it impossible for me to
let you win.
And no,
he isn't what I want.
I want something more important
than that.
You can have what you let go of if you wish,
good luck convincing him.
I want what you don't deserve,
and I do.
So I'll have it.
Because I know what I want.
Always have.