It's 11:57 and I want to text you
I just want to talk to you so badly
And I can't believe my love
Has been reduced to a few pixelated words that appear on your phone screen
But it's 11:57
And I want to text you

I want to text you
But these numbers seem too familiar
Instead of texting you
I'm trying to decode 11:57

11?
11
That's how many pieces of chocolate you bought me for no reason
After I told you months ago
What my favorite type was
I remember you handed me the box
Saying
"Chocolates for the sweetest girl in the world"
They tasted like ****
But we're the best thing I ever ate
Because they came from you
Except now
Any chocolate I eat
Doesn't remind me of you anymore

5
That's how many times you traced my lips
With your index finger
As if the outlines defining my lips
Was a map to your way home
But little did I know
That you had built
Many other places
You called "home"
Soon after
I made my "home" too
Not on anyone
But in the comfort of my own self
So I wouldn't be destroyed once again


7?
7
7!
That's how many beauty marks
Cover my face
And that's how many times
You used to kiss my face
I told you I thought they made me look no better than any other girl
But you told me each one made me
Look so beautiful
Its just skin
The beauty marks are skin
It's always been skin
It's good skin
No matter what metaphor you compared it to

It's 11:57
And I want to text you
But I'm not
And never will.

1 2 3 4,
I count all the steps,
That led me to your closet door.
1 2 3 4,
I remember all the arguments we had,
Which were over such little things.
1 2 3 4,
I re-read all the old messages you sent me,
Realizing you probably never meant any of those words.
1 2 3 4,
I can still feel your lips on mine,
And the lie you tried to get me to believe.
1 2 3 4,
I found the poems you wrote me in my marble notebook,
Each lovely word still has the power to make me cry.
1 2 3 4,
I replay in my head the last conversation we had,
Before you decided to say goodbye.
1 2 3 4,
I look down at the pen I’m writing this with,
Seeing that it’s broken and so is my heart.
1 2 3 4,
I still miss you,
Even though you cause me to like the color red.
1 2 3 4,
I want you to come back,
Before I can no longer say,
1 2 3 4.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A BOY WHO COULDN'T EVEN LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
IT'S 1AM AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU AND THE WORDS WON'T STOP COMING OUT OF ME AND I CANT STOP THE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU OR YOUR TOUCH OR HOW YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME. YOU TOLD ME I WAS BEAUTIFUL AND I WAS BETTER THAN ANY STAR IN THE SKY AND MAYBE THAT'S WHY I CAN'T STOP WRITING ABOUT STARS BECAUSE YOU SAID I WAS JUST LIKE THEM AND OH GOD MAYBE I'M NOT OVER YOU BUT BREAKING MY TEETH ON ***** BOTTLES DIDN'T HELP AND KISSING ANOTHER PAIR OF LIPS DIDN'T HELP AND OH GOD MAYBE I'M NOT OVER YOU BUT THE WORDS ARE COMING OUT AND MAYBE I NEED YOU BUT MAYBE I DON'T I'M NOT SO SURE ANYMORE BECAUSE NOWADAYS WHO IS. WE JUST USE PEOPLE FOR WHAT WE WANT AND I CAN'T BREATHE BECAUSE YOU USED ME LIKE YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T AND MAYBE WE BREAK PROMISES BECAUSE WE FORGET ABOUT THEM AND ONLY REALIZE WE DID IT WHEN IT WAS TOO LATE. I CAN'T STOP THE WORDS AND THEY DON'T MAKE SENSE ANYMORE BUT I FEEL STUPID CRYING OVER YOU AND AT TIMES I WISH I NEVER MET YOU BUT YOU WERE THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME GOD I LOVE YOU AND GETTING OVER YOU I'M SORRY.

You laughed at everything I said
I laughed at your hazel eyes
But your eyes grew cold
I miss your laugh

2. Your eyes reminded me of the ocean;
I wanted to figure out which one
Yet I broke your heart before I could

3. Your hair shone like gold in the sun
You told me how much you loved my brown eyes
For some reason though
You found her brown eyes prettier

4. The words you wrote made my heart flutter
You told me you wanted to go out like Hemingway
You did

5. You had brown eyes
I hate my brown eyes
But for some reason I loved yours
And wanted you forever

We saw two different night skies
Under the same moon
We looked at the same star
But wished for different things

You saw what science calls the night sky
A “galaxy”
Fact
Lines
Numbers
And precision
Spilled from your lips
I thought I was talking to Galileo himself

I saw what art calls the night sky
A “brilliance and wonder”
Twirls of yellow and blue
Danced in my eyes
I saw bright wonders
Held in secrets
Hidden in the carters of the moon
I saw Van Gogh’s starry night

I saw wonder
You saw thought
Maybe that’s why
We both fought

You dictated facts
I dictated imagination
You were science
And I was art
But we smashed into each other
Causing another galaxy to form
Where art and science
Did not belong

Be careful of the boys with beautiful eyes,
For they can create beautiful words
That can be so sweet to your heart.
Be careful of the boys with beautiful eyes,
For they can kiss so perfectly
Its like you weren’t really alive before it.
Be careful of the boys with beautiful eyes,
For they will show you part of the world you've never seen
And you'll ponder why you never saw it.
Be careful of the boys with beautiful eyes,
Because just like the night
They can slip away in the darkness
And leave you with only memories of their beautiful eyes.

I fell in love with a boy
who has beautiful eyes

I still can't tell
if they are green or brown
but I'm willing to wonder the color
until they close

this boy is so beautiful
if only he could see how beautiful he is
with his charming laugh
and his kindness to everyone
it made it easy to love him

yet just like every other love story
he never loved the girl with brown eyes
but instead loved the one with blue
and I'm here wishing
my eyes were blue

I still cannot understand
How we can find beauty
In people
Objects
Landscapes
Drinks
Food
Weather
When some of us cannot find beauty within ourselves

He wore a cross around his neck
His touch sure felt like God
And his kisses were sweet as heaven
But I'm pretty sure
He believed in the cross on his skin
More than he believed in me.

It's been the hardest to forget you,
I can still hear your laugh echo off my walls,
And your touch still lingering on my lips,
I do not want you here anymore.
I want to forget you,
And soon enough,
The roses you bought me will die,
The jewelry you bought me will become worthless,
And the jokes you told me will no longer be funny.
If it helps,
I'll lie on the grass to forget you,
And count the stars in the night sky,
Knowing you could never love me,
No matter how many stars give the night light.

All the words that have flowed from your beautiful mind
And somehow entered the black pen in your hand
Found it’s way onto a paper
Every word you wrote was lovely
Better than the skyscrapers standing in New York City
Better than the stars that guarded the lonely at night
And sure better than the beautiful flowers that bloomed on the lovers doorsteps
It seemed each word you wrote had a mind of it’s own
An intricate set of steps leading to slivers of your heart and soul
Where high walls were kept
And the walls prevented you from seeing the beauty in your words
And the lovely I had found for you
And the perfect others found in your words
Now I stand with a small chisel
Hoping to break down the walls
So you may see your words
That has grown to be remedy for many starving souls

I am a girl.
I have a nose
eyes
ears
hands
legs
feet
arms
a body
a ****
and *****
Yet,
the world seems so ashamed of a girl's body.
I am not ashamed though.
I am proud for who I am.
I love every inch of my skin
and every flaw I have.

I will not let others change how I see me
I will not let others make me think different
I will speak my mind
I will wear what I want
I will do what I want

I am a girl
and I am beautiful

a boy with eyes as green as the sea in July is kissing my neck and all I can do is look up at the ceiling that's white as the color brings me back to the night the moonlight shone through my bedroom window and you were next to me, whispering all the reasons why you loved me and the words are ringing in my head as I'm kissing the sea green eyed boy and that's when I realized I'll ever get over you

Out of all the words that came out of his mouth,
It seemed all he could talk about was her.
If he wasn’t talking about sports,
Or how much homework we had in science,
It was all about her.
Her and her blue eyes and golden blonde hair,
Her and her tall slim figure
Rather to my short and fit one.
He was so desperately in love with her,
That he didn’t see how on every Friday night,
Her and another boy talked with their mouths by the belchers.
She just laughed with him,
And gave him fake love every time.
I wouldn’t dare tell him,
For she would call me liar and he would believe her,
Even though he's known me since five.
So all I do really is smile and nod,
For if he’s happy,
Then so shall I.

It is sad to say,
You are just like hot sand at the beach.
At the beach,
The sand is so hot that you cannot feel the burn for a moment,
And that’s how it started with you.
I was so infatuated with you,
That I had failed to see how wrong you would treat me,
And I would be treated just like the things you love to do on Friday nights,
Or every night for that matter.

And just like the hot sand,
After that moment of not feeling that intense burning,
I began to felt it,
And oh did it burn.  
My heart broke into small pieces,
Some which never returned,
And I’m sure you took those pieces with you.
Yet somehow,
I was still in love with you,
And just called the pain,
The thing we call “teenage love.”

Once again,
Just like the hot sand,
I got used to burning of the sand,
And I got used to you tearing me to pieces before you left,
That all my senses are numb,
And I have lost all direction.
I’m still unsure if not feeling any pain,
Is a bad thing after all?
Or am I loosing myself ever so slowly,
That I am not noticing it at all?

If I could stay out here forever,
I would.
I would lie on the grass and look up at the stars,
Amazed by their beauty
And how they always keep the lonely company.

If I could stay out here forever,
I would.
The moon would stare back at me,
All in its glowing light,
Remaining silent forever.

If I could stay out here forever,
I would.
With you right by my side,
Everything would seem so much bigger and brighter.
But you burned out long ago,
And now I stare at the stars,
Wondering when you burned out and left,
For the stars keep always reminded me,
Being alone is not a bad thing.

If you haven’t fallen in love with someone yet,
And haven’t spent countless nights wondering how their voice saves you,
Or how their laugh is such a beautiful melody you cannot put into words,
Then you are lucky.

If you haven’t fallen in love with someone yet,
Then you haven’t felt the first love butterflies,
Or the quiet sound of eyelashes against each other’s cheek,
As you kiss them for the first time.
Then you are lucky.

If you haven’t fallen in love with someone yet,
You don’t understand the feeling when they hold you close,
As if gravity could never keep them down to Earth.
Then you are lucky.

If you haven’t fallen in love with someone yet,
You haven’t felt the exploding emotion of feelings,
And feeling like you heart and soul will combust into dust,
When they say they love you for the first time.
Then you are lucky.

If you haven’t fallen in love with someone yet,
You haven’t felt the red hot anger building in your throat,
And the tears coming down like waves from your eyes,
When the love suddenly goes away.
Then you are lucky.

If you haven’t fallen in love with someone yet,
Then you cannot understand the emotion,
Or the words you wish you could form,
When they say the same words to someone else.
And you feel like an old photograph that was lost in the attic.
Then you are lucky.

If you haven’t fallen in love with someone yet,
You do not know what it feels to watch your heart fall apart,
And crumble like soft rock dissolving in water,
Knowing you could never love someone as much you had loved them.

If you haven’t fallen in love with someone yet,
Then you are lucky.

I listened to my friends,
and took 3 shots
they said it would make me forget about you
but it seems while I'm still intoxicated
all I can think about is you
sober or not
it's always you

They say to try to be happy by yourself,
And not build your happiness on someone’s words or lovely actions,
For they can always slip away,
Into the dark of the night,
Hidden by the new moon.
Yet,
I have accidently built my happiness on you and your words,
And your love for me.
I have built my happiness on you,
Something that can be taken away in a moment,
Yet,
I have never felt happier before.
With you,
Everything seems like it will be okay once again,
And I hope your love for me,
Will last much longer.
Horribly though if you go away in the dark of night one day,
I’m afraid I’ll find myself in my dilemma,
Not knowing what to do with myself after you are gone,
For I built everything on you.
So while you are loving me,
And I am loving you,
I will try to love myself,
And find myself beautiful as you say,
So God-forbid if you leave me,
I will not sink into the deep dark ocean,
Trying to learn how to swim to the top once again,
Sinking to the bottom with rocks at my feet,
Trying to break the surface of the water.

a boy once told me
I was just like the moon
so beautiful
yet so hidden

that boy was my sun
and I was his moon

I was okay with being the only moon
in his heavenly world
as he was my only sun

but the moon and the sun are tragic lovers
and soon enough
we became their tragic love story

All my time invested in you,
Seems to have come to a waste.
The endless words that parted from my lips,
Slipped into the air like mist.
My heart gave you all my love,
And you crushed it like a hurricane,
Ripping from its place.
I suppose your I love you,
Was never met for my ears to hear,
But hers instead,
Considering you look at her,
Like she’s a beautiful gem in a field of coal.
I should’ve been treated better I guess,
But I had assumed that’s what you call “teenage love” these days.
Now you stare at me as if I was black smoke,
Endangering your lungs,
With every breath you take.
Yet,
I am trying to fix myself,
Because no one else will care to fix me,
For you can only be your own hero.
So I guess I’m a martyr now,
Since your loved killed me once,
And I’ve been warning every one of the dangers,
And the exploding passion,
Of the love we all want.

In September,
I fell in love with a boy with beautiful eyes
He made me laugh and it became easy to fall for him
Yet he did not love me back
And I denied ever loving him once

In the spring,
A boy with a beautiful heart fell for me
I tried with all my heart to love him back
But I could not
And I broke his heart

In June,
Another boy with beautiful eyes seemed to like me
We kissed, but it didn’t feel right to me
Now he is falling
And I am watching him jump to his death

I told someone once I loved the stars so much,
Maybe even more than I could ever love myself.
They asked why,
And I answered.
The stars would always be in the night sky,
No matter what I did during the day,
Good or bad,
The stars would always promise to shine ever so brightly.
Even if it was a cloudy night and the stars could not be seen,
A part of me knew they would always be there.  
I then realized,
I wish you were like a star.
You would always be there,
Day after day,
With no chance of ever going away.
Yet that is not life,
And just like everything else besides the stars,
You went away.

a girl once felt so alone
with no one to help her understand how she thought
quiet, she stayed, for the fear of saying something wrong
and the whole world would turn against her
she was kind and cared much about others
but no one seemed to want to do the same for her
until one day she found a book
and a rusty old pen
and began to write the secrets her heart spilled
the thoughts that kept her awake
the feelings she couldn't say to the person she loved
finally,
she no longer felt alone and was okay with herself
for all her feelings spilled onto the paper in front of her
or they spilled with the paint that danced on the blank canvas
rather than her feelings spilling down her rosy cheeks
and onto to floor
where they never belonged

At the age of five,
I wore my ponytail high,
Hailey wore her blond curls loose,
And Cole wore his cropped and short.
We talked about little things,
And giggled at the sight of birds and squirrels,  
We were free.

At the age of ten,
I was called ugly for the first time,
Hailey noticed her dad drinking something like apple juice,
And Cole seemed to like boys more than girls.
We didn’t talk about any of it.
And we giggled at our cartoons still,
But we were still free.

At the age of fifteen,
I was taunted everyday until I screamed and cried,
Hailey’s dad drank the apple juice more and started to use his hands to show power,
And Cole didn't tell his parents about his boyfriend knowing they would scream,
We talked about it for the first time,
And we giggled as the ***** burned our throats.
We didn't feel free anymore.

At the age of twenty,
I had written my story on my arms,
But was okay for once in my life.
Hailey didn’t make it to 19,
Considering that her dad didn’t let her.
And Cole got hell from his parents about his boyfriend and was kicked out at 17,
Even though Hailey and me told him it was okay to be with a man.

Now at the age of twenty five,
Cole and me sit at Hailey’s grave,
Drinking the same ***** we did ten years ago,
Giggling at the small things in our lives again,
And suddenly feeling free,
Just like we were five again.

And a part of me still wonder if you had ever loved me,
Or it was just some memory you would flashback to when your old and gray,
And laugh at how much a silly girl could ever be in love with you.
But I did love you,
And I gave you all the love my heart could ever muster.
Maybe a part of me thought I would look back at this memory as well,
Except I would be laughing at it with you,
Both of us old and gray,
Remembering our high school memories,
How that one time Cole got locked in the bathroom,
Or that football game you won with your team,
Or that night out we had with our friends,
Eating pizza and laughing till the sun came out.
But we all changed and so did you,
You found her and my heart was still stuck to you.
Our friends moved on,
And now we are starting to all get old and gray,
Now I'm aging to 64,
And I ever wanted was you.

As the clock struck 12
I didn't wish you Happy New Year
Because I no longer wanted you
In my life

"Loving him was like everything and nothing. Never have I felt so fascinated by a person before. I suddenly wanted to know every thought and fear and wish he had every thought. And I just wanted to kiss him. Kiss him all over and be in his arms and always make sure he was okay. Always. He made me laugh and smile but his smile shined more than mine ever could. He has my heart. We felt like two missing puzzle pieces who finally found each other. It felt right. It felt okay and God I loved him. I loved him. I love him. I still love him. Yet, it feels like nothing now because he just walked away and I have never felt so broken before. It's funny because he had told me his greatest fear was loosing me."

When the person you love with every being in your body,
No longer wants to be with you,
Your heart breaks three times.

The first time your heart breaks,
Is when you hear the overwhelming words,
“I can’t do this anymore.”
You feel numb and all the memories play in your head,
As you try to find,
Where it all went wrong.

The second time your heart breaks,
Is when,
In spite of everything,
You tell him you still them and feel empty for once.
And all he can do is stare and look away saying,
“I don’t love you anymore.”

The third time your heart breaks,
Is when you see them smile,
But you are no longer the reason for the smile anymore,
For she is holding his hand and you are not.
And you hear the words he once whispered to you,
“I love you.”

People say there are seven wonders of the world
I say there are eight
Because they forgot about you

My teacher once told me,
Authors write from what they know,
And I realized how it was true.
For once I read the small biographies in the beginning,
Or the small “hope you liked it” paragraphs at the end,
Seeing how true it was.

The thing is,
I want to be a writer someday too.
But I do not want to write from what I know.
All I know is pain,
And how it feels to be called every horrible word in the book.
How it feels to loose friends,
Or how your best friend could betray you.
I know how it feels to suddenly like the color red,
Even though I never liked it as a kid.
And I know what it’s like to disappoint your parents,
Or believe in the sweet lies boys tell you,
And the mean things girls can say and even do to you.

I do not want to write from that,
But that is all I know,
And authors write from what they know.
So I suppose now I will write with scared wrists,
And the now dull color red,
With a small pain in my chest,
Hoping someone knows how I feel,
And I won't be alone.

You are the first person I have truly loved with all my heart. You are the first boy to ever see the real me. To know my thoughts, feelings, fears and everything like that. We started off as best friends and you saved my from myself, something I should’ve done, but instead you did. I didn’t like you at first, but then I began to. And you liked me. Your words were sweet like honeydew and I fell to my knees at how good words could sound coming out of my mouth. You would mutter beautiful after you kissed my lips and my forehead and told me I was perfect in your eyes. I saw the twinkle in your eyes and the warm smile on your lips as you held me and I knew I was home. I felt safe against your chest and your arms around me that nothing else mattered in the world. Kissing you for the first time was nerve racking and I thought was heart was coming out of my throat but it didn’t and I wrapped my arms around you and kissed you.

You told me I was the first girl you ever felt this way towards and it made me melt. I never felt this way towards a boy and I fell apart in your arms, showing you every bit of me. And you loved me. I saw the bright light in your eyes and I felt I had found my sun because I was the moon in the dark sky that needed light. I felt that you really didn’t know what love was since your parents divorced at 2 so I made it my job to make sure you did. And I did. I loved you with every fiver in my whole ******* body I couldn’t breathe and I thought of you every moment and everything just felt right and okay with you.

But, all good things must come to the end and I fear we are at the end of this first love story. We seem to be falling apart and I am terrified of what comes next. If we do end things, I never want you to treat a girl like you treated me at times. If I’m not the one and you love another girl and you’re looking at her blue eyes that you wish were my brown you better ******* love her and you’ll kiss her lips but will taste mine instead and touch her hair that suddenly feels like mine, love her. I hope when you hold her you notice the difference in height and realize it’s not me and I’m sitting in my room trying to get over you as I look at the moon and wish I could big and white in the sky and beautiful.

But if we don’t end things and fix us and you are truly the one then I want you to make up for what we did wrong when we were 16 because we are 16 now and this is teenage love and it’s supposed to be messy and wrong and weird and heart wrenching but it is the most amazing feeling in the whole world loving you. When those words left my lips, it was like another world I didn’t know existed opened up and you were the center and everything revolved around you and I was okay with being your only moon and you my only sun.

I fell in love with every part of you: your eyes, lips, laugh, arms, hands, legs and I hate to sound cheesy but even your nose. I fell in love with you like kids fall in love with their favorite cartoon or how a mother loves her child no matter what they do. I still love you and I know that won’t change for a long time, but I love, I swearing to ******* God I love you more than any other person in the whole world and beyond that. I don’t care what anyone says. We are still young and learning but it will all be okay. We will be okay. I will make sure we will be okay.

I am so tired writing about you
I no longer want this pen
To form words to describe you anymore
I don't want to think about you
And how much you hurt me
How you hurt me
Even though you knew I loved you
I still do
And I wish I was over you already
For every breathe hurts
And every thought is still consumed by you
I don't want to write about you anymore

I love you so much it made me feel like galaxies were bursting inside of me and I was being something different and something new and I suddenly loved everything about me. It felt great and I saw the light in your eyes when you said you loved me and I felt the warmth in your arms and I heard the love in your laugh when I told corny jokes. everything felt so good

everything felt right

but then everything began to crumple and I collapsed because I had been stupid enough to build my happiness upon you. I began to hate very part of me and wish I wasn't this insecure girl I once was as you slowly lost the light in your eyes and began to walk away. I crumbled and the waves rolled from my **** brown eyes and you just stared and said you didm;t love me anymore and walked away.

just like that it was over

you can't tell me you love me and your greatest fear is loosing me
you can't tell me that you can't breathe right without me
you can't tell me that I'm beautiful
you can't tell me I'm the only one for you
you can't tell me that you feel lost without me
you can't tell me that when everything seems wrong, you look up at the stars to think of me
you can't tell me I'm beautiful like the sunrise and sunset
you can't tell me these things anymore
when you have finally decided to leave me for no reason