You'll ask? how long will I wonder
Edging further into night
There is one simple answer
I fear the the light

For you I broke my own laws
when I was with you I saw my own flaws
I had to work hard for a pointless cause
you swiped at me with relentless claws

You cheered me up when I was down
you made me smile, you made me frown
after all the love I tried to drown
your carelessness made me shutdown

I came to you with open arms
Vulnerable to your endless charms
and even though I heard the alarms
I let you cause me deadly harms

My brain is all crisscrossed
emotional death was the cost
while I waited for my icy anger to defrost
any love for me you had, you  seemed to have lost

So now I stand here, tears on the floor
broken and crumbled to the core
you could not have hurt me anymore
you looked at me and closed the door

So if becoming my friend is something you want to do
the walls around my heart won’t be so easy to get through
I have suffered and cried and been broken too
still every time I think of you

No matter how hard I’ve tried
no matter how much you lied
even though I try to hide
still, I die a little bit inside

A devastated detached soul
may wonder as long as it please
but on this tormented earth
won't find everlasting ease

I fear my own reflection
my eyes are darkened and neverending
Always absent in my dreams
do they still exist
'windows to your soul'
does it mean my consience is gone
an eagle with a crippled wing
does not try to fly all its life
a few short flutters
then simply waits to die
I hear but I haven't the energy to listen
Hand on my heart deep down I care
but further inside is an abyss
pour the pain over me
I will bathe in it's love
the lights cause writhing within my skin
the old lady inside of me yearns for them
many wise things come from her lips
by the time the sound comes out
it is twisted and cruel
I wish the windows would return
Then fall into my darkness
and I may rest once again

tooth fairies are a myth to help little ones rest night
but really they are evil and their eyes are all full of spite
santa sartes fires and seeks to fill our lifes with coal
and every angel is a demon that's ripping out pieces of your soul
pulling up your covers drives away the sun
this is one ****** up fairy tale that's never heard of fun

When the skies are grey, my worries fade away
For only in the darkest of nights can I shine bright like the day

And when there is a raging storm I shall peacefully sleep
Though in the brightest of times, I will always weep

The path is long and narrow
It twists and winds as it binds your soul
Cursed to forever hopelessly wonder towards the light
Coverd in cuts and broken bones
Every rise fighting a loosing battle
Blindly hoping to finish it first
Never dare to wish for a moment
Or you'll stumble off the path and fall back to earth

Lights last for such a short time
they flicker as long as they can
Nothing good can ever come
The darkness is still there
creeping into the corner
melting into the souls
crushing the light
annihilating
corrupting
smashing
killing
dying

I wish to be dead because I'm not alive
a sort of half existance between evil and good
these hands grasp at my ankles
they live just to drag me down
I struggle to free myself
does Lucifer have me now?

what is this light I'm seeing
something beyond dim
what happend to the shine
the light within my eyes
how long has it been drowned
in this vast ocean of boiling choking mist

and how through all of this
am I ever going to see him
the one who shines so darkly bright
to repel my captors
nowhere does such a man exist
it is true they are only myths

I know in my emptiness
that I must save myself
I can rely on nothing else
my only way out is on my own
so for silent tears leave me alone
you cannot save me, don't pretend to try

do not stand and talk
because if I can't get out I'll drag you down here
where nobody can hear your tears
I'll kick at your joints
and climb up your bones
use you like all before used me
I won't look back
I won't dare to glance
Nor will I lend a hand to pull you out
you can drown or starve or burn
like the feelings inside of me
the demons will eat your existence


**... maybe after your body is dark and twisted
you can join me in this plague
with claws entwined
revelling in the darkness
scouring the land
only relenting when all is blind

Where are they?
Those arms that used to hold
Tightly to my skin
Till my nighmares would unfold
When did I do it?
Push my loves ones away
Tryinging to be stong
I made my soul crumble in dismay
I need you now more than ever
Will you please stay my kin
I won't let them know
That I am weak within
I'll stand in the light
Be stronger than I am
For only I know
that beneath this mask
I've fallen down
I have cuts on my knees
Scrapes on my hands
And bruises on my chest
I've not recovered from any of these
But still detirmined to stand
I've run miles to find you
I've searched every land
Yet you are so far away
And I need you so bad
Nobody likes those who are broken
Or helps up those who can't stand
Will anyone ever realise
That it's all pretend
I still defend others
Though I'm crying inside
Standing for my brothers
Until the day I've died

I try to speak
I'm choked from within
Each of my compassions
Haunts me as my sin
Like darkend fog
Gently crashing in the brook
You should know by now
I'm a pig on a hook

deep in the abyss further away they drift
you don't realise the distance to which my soul has been corrupted
it's drilled into my bones
the darkness has swallowed my existence
I pave along trying to find a glimmer
a hope of what I used to be
but instead I think I'll just wonder
through the darkness that is me

I am but a little girl, my angels flew away
So I giggle in the darkness, others demons are mine today
I used to look behind me but if I fall it won't cause dismay
I knelt by my bed and glanced to the lord
... he can't hear the words I pray
This ditch is full of toys that cause others pain
power, greed, jealousy they grow the more I play
There could still be light out there, somewhere
                because deep down my soul is clean and gay
Until the darkness shallows me whole
                I shall be waiting if angles come back my way

Don't look at me like you care
Everyday before now I wished you were there
Please just leave my mind be
Really... I'm better off without out you haunting me
Eagerly I wait for the monster
See, I'll always be a wanderer
Stumbling over the rubble that is left
It could be a gift
Or maybe a curse
Never mind which it is, it just keeps getting worse

everything bursts with colours
we sit surrounded by golden light
we may as well be flying
As if we'd never been alone
washed with sprinkles below the aurora
we marvel in the peace
our hearts flutter like the butterflies
In the fields where we run
The day is running out
A gentle red sunset caresses the sky
Flowers whisper a reluctant goodbye
Slowly it leads the light away
Leaving nothing but darkness
And the butterflies
They swarm the skies
And fires rise up from hell
They drag what's left down
Until the landscape that once held all beauty,
Is nothing but a blank page
All of this in the absence of your glow
My last thoughts flicker... where did you go