I watch the blood drip down
Entranced by the dark fluid
They lie- the blood isn't a crimson
It's a much darker shade
More like a black tinted with red
At least against my pale skin
It fascinates me
It should hurt more than it does
Instead it doesn't hurt enough
There isn't enough pain
Not to numb out the pain inside
Whoever said words can't hurt
Knew nothing about life
A sharp intake of breath
The pains satisfying now
It's nice to be the one in control of the pain
To be the inflictor for a change
For there to be a clear reason why it hurts
I watch the tears of my life, my soul fall
And the pain inside hurt a little less

Sometimes I wonder
If despite the love we share
-The unrequited love only family can fathom-
If there is any hate beneath
Perhaps hate is too harsh of a word,
Resent sounds better.
Do you resent me?
Even for the shortest of moments,
Even the most minuscule amount,
Do you resent me?
Not me personally
(Or so I hope)
But for things that have happened 
Because of me,
Just because I am your sister?
For the things I took from you,
Never out of malice or spite,
Usually unknowingly,
And completely out of necessity,
Because there was no other option?
For the unforeseeable problems
That unfortunately arose
With their arduous effects
Reaching not only me
But you also?
For the things you were forced to do,
In my unintentional absences?
For the consequences of things
I had no control over?
I know you love me, I do
But is there a part of you that resents me too?
I wouldn't blame you,
I really, truly wouldn't-
Because secretly
I resent me too.

Stop for a moment
Take a breath
Forget the world
And reflect.
Reflect on times long since passed.
Now is the time of year,
The time above all others,
To think, to remember, to reflect.

Reflect on
What you had
What you gained
What you lost
And ultimately,
What you now have.

Learn to accept and embrace
These significant facts from the past
In a sincerely positive way
For they cannot be changed,
But take care to remember
There are times yet to come
Because the future can be changed-
But only by having the strength and serenity
To acknowledge both the past and present
Can you confidently move and change the future.

Stop that looking down on me
What the hell makes you think your better than me?
We aren't even in the same class
It's apples and oranges-
There's no way to compare
We both walk different paths
And nothing makes yours better
But you walk upon yours as if it's made of gold.
Who cares if you're a size zero and have the voice of an angel
And have boys falling for you left and right
And I'm a high school drop out without a job
And my body is definitely not a size zero and covered with scars
You haven't been through half the things I've been through
You don't have to deal with the pain I continually feel.
And if you want a competition 
You got it.
You go around acting all perfect and like a grade A *****
While I even through I struggle through it all I do so with grace
Which is something you lack yet I have in spades.
And now that I've realized that
You can no longer bring me down
I'm proud of who I am
So you can drop your supercilious attitude
And keep your cruel words to yourself
Because they won't affect me anymore
I'll just continue down my path 
with the grace you lack 
Happy enough just to be me.

Always thinking
Thinking thinking thinking  thinking
Always dreaming
Dreaming dreaming dreaming  dreaming
Never stopping
Never ceasing
Never silent
Because if I stop for one moment
Just one little moment
*I wouldn't be me.

We live each and every day the same,
we never take any chances.
Ordinary is the word to describe our daily routines.
We all draw inside the lines,
we all think inside the box.
Why would it be so horrible
to take a chance
and scribble a little outside the lines?

The answer is simple-
we are afraid.
Afraid of becoming different.
Afraid of leaving our shells that we have lived our who lives in.
Afraid of seeing things in a new unique way.

We are afraid of those things that we may see,
for they are so unlike what we can see now.
We will have no guidelines on what we see.
And in this world that we just have begun to see,
there will be nobody else who sees the same things.

But if we leave our fears behind,
if we dare to color outside the lines,
if we dare to see the things unseen...
something amazing happens.
We realize that we have broken our chains
and now can see the world
in it's magnificent beauty and glory.
We can see things beyond belief.
And we see that the ordinary isn't really ordinary at all...
*the ordinary is extraordinary.

"Kisses From God"

They say each freckle is a kiss from God
If that's true, what happened to mine
As they seem to have disappeared over time. 
I had so many kisses as a child,
And I thought that upon me God had smiled.
But now I have so very few
And I can't help but wonder what this is due to.
Do You not love me the same, God?
Am I simply just too flawed?
Do You not love me as much now I am an adult?
Did somehow You I insult?
Did you take those kisses away?
Was that the price for my sins I had to pay?
But then I step into the sun,
Under the glorious light of Heaven
Into Your loving, saving grace
And Your kisses return to my face.
I suppose as I grew older
I moved away from you even further.
I stepped into the dark despair
And very little for You had I cared.
Then one by one those kisses disappeared
Since it wasn't You I any longer revered.
But when I move back closer to You
I find that Your kisses return too
And for this all I can say is 'Thank You'.
Thank You, God, for returning Your kisses to me,
And Your child and devoted servant I'll now forever be.

I look in the mirror
And a face I do see,
A face that surely cannot belong to me.
Yes the face is the same shape,
Just as the mouth, eyes, and nose.
The skin is just as pale
With freckles sprinkled everywhere
Especially across the ever so slightly rosy cheeks.
The lips are as chapped as mine
And with eyebrows that are surprisingly fine.
The hair's the same as well,
A color that could come across as an light auburn
Slightly past my shoulders and mostly straight.
Yes, those are all the same,
The mirror image and me,
But eyes-
No, those eyes can't possibly be mine.
They're much too deep
More than mine have any right to be
In that mix of a pool of blues and greens.
They look so much older
Than my own twenty years
And looked as if they had cried
Many, many tears.
They're intense, taking in everything
Seemingly staring right into their own (my?) soul.
The shadows try to hide the pain
My heart and body feel
Not completely successful,
But a good job overall.
They're guarded with suspicion-
Is this really me?
And I am unsure
If I want it to be.
Beauty is not the problem
She's pretty enough
Again it's the eyes
They show what I didn't even know what's inside.

Sweet tears
raining down
my cheek
I don't know about you
but they taste so sweet.

Sweet tears
falling from the sky
I don't know about you
but they make me
want to cry.

Sweet tears
pouring on us all
I don't know about you
but they make me
feel small.

Sweet tears
hovering above
I don't know about you
but I know
they are filled with love.