Today I am living in the past .
I see the same bullies with their smirks
Wiped across their faces,
I hear their same jeers at me.
I feel the same anger boiling inside of me.
I relive my embarrassing moments
Of pure stupidity.
I grow hot with embarrassment.
I'm sure my checks flushed.
I really should live in the present,
But I want to perfect my past
So hard
I'll never do it correctly.
Instead I'll be stuck there,
Never able to escape
My moments of vulnerability.

Part of me hates rejection.
Hates to be shunned into the
Dark corner
Of the world
Dimly lit, dank, dark
Crying.
Perhaps I'll end up being the
Stereotypical old lady
With too many cats
I could bear to give them up.

Both communicate
My feelings for you.
I could dance forever in your arms
Like a twirling ballerina
In a music box
But if rather talk.
And dance
At the same time.
Hang into my words like
Your life hangs on by a thread
You're not dead,
Don't be led
Away from me.
Live within my words
And dance within my dreams
And I will breathe your words
Back to you

Your wit
Is like the wick of a stick of dynamite
Quick, sharp, explosive
You laugh and I laugh with you.
Such terrible creatures,
Mr. Collins, lizzy Bennet.
All figures of your brain.
Stay with me Jane.
I need your help.
I need your advice, your wisdom
Of such things,
Dangerous things,
As love.
Do not hide from me.
But give me your passion.
Help me to save Ms. Smith
And be the Emma I knew I could be
And do not let poor be by herself
But be with her.
Write her a gentleman,
Write her true love
Write a new story.
For me

I lie on the bed,
Relaxed
But then the screech of the two metal
Arms wakes me up
And I feel the hot wax just above
My eyelid.
And I feel the heat on the sensitive skin
And I harden what muscles I can
When she tears off my hair.
That I will never get back

You there,
Standing there
Between flesh and air
You don't share
The same cares
As I do.
You're nothing but a ghost

You grin
Stretching your chin
To try to see me wince
And convince
Me you're real.
You're nothing but a ghost.

You moan
Hoping I'll groan
And run home
And try not to be alone
With only you
Your nothing but a ghost.

You reach for me
Hoping I'll see
Your transparent fingers squeeze
And I'll freeze
Because I'm too scared to move
You're nothing but a ghost

You wail
Your voice like a gale
And I turn pale
Hoping my heart doesn't fail
Because I think you're nothing but a
Ghost
Yet you have been haunting night after night.
You have been in my darkest nightmares,
Cackling like a witch.
But you never say anything.
Because your my ghost
And I never said anything either.
Except for telling myself
I'm nothing but a shadow of time
That has passed
And I will become a ghost that doesn't last.
Forever

I shudder,
My face is drenched in tears and snot
And I quiver
Keep it together keep it together.
I cry to God to come upon my soul.
Save me
Keep it together. Keep it together.
My eyes fill with tears
Puffy eyes,
Save me
Keep it together, keep it together.
I wipe my nose .
I need a tissue
Puffy eyes
Save me
Keep it together, keep it together.
And I feel myself being held like a small child again.
Hold me
I need a tissue
Puffy eyes
Save me
Keep it together, keep it together.
And I cry
Hard