howling black wavespounded the doomedwelshmen of steeltravesty loomed absorbing the onslaughtrelentless attackerwrong end of mountainrourkes drift, south africa brave boyo stood fastsolid in stancebattled the tideof barefoot advance singing in tunicvalley men bred fought black waves of heatin rivers of red respectful zulunot mindless marauderheld assegai highand saluted....the south wales borderer   

literate legends of the past
wordsworth, tennyson, shakespeare, poe
philosophers preaching wisdom
whilst churning words of woe

if born a century onward
their genius contribution
would re-direct thought
and our retribution

clever wit, used correctly
relays a message indirectly
be loud in voice
be strong in deed
plants that blosom
have nurtured seeds

learned men, with miserly souls
different values, different goals
hypothetically speaking, if resurrected
could this system be corrected

past vision blurred, future masked
the valley victim duly asked...
what make thee of my vale?
once vibrant, now lies stale

thine vale like a garment, tightly twined
sceptical of progress, wallow in decline
thy forefathers fester in premature tombs
martyrs to masters, grafted in gloom

thy dwell on the dead, thou should view ahead
though mystery of history must ever be read
tread forth with vision, or stumble ye blind
don't dwell on the dead, or land once mined

rhondda boy, don't deploy
your life to poor existence
pits are closed,but not the song
welsh heart, and it's persistence

past unfair, leave it there
where history has stung
memories of  bampas words
and every song he sung

look ahead in all thats new
don't wallow in your woe
pits are gone, but not the song
your bampa used to now

mary had a little lamb,
she called it pinky winky,
when it turned into a sheep,
she sold it to the ******.

jack and jill had dropped a pill,
to dance the night away,
jack came home with two black eyes,
cos he forgot to pay.

hairy mary quite contrary,
how does your garden grow?
halogen lamps, council house,
thats all you need to know.

baa baa black sheep,
think i need to pull,
your tail upwards,
cos my ***** are full.

little miss muffet,sat on a tuffet,
snorting before a night out,
little jack horner stuck in his thumb,
she punched his ****** lights out.

my name is roger rabbit,
i'm fed up of my job
,head is always throbbing,
my best mate is a ****.

batteries up my *******,
make my ears vibrate,
sat astride a *****,
intitled master bate.

i've no control or vision
as i get shoved about,
ears are always tickling...
smelling like a trout.

hate my new vocation,
you might think it's funny,
my other job was better,
when i was easter bunny.

i'm in the s.a.s
a voice behind a hill
i'll take ten of you
the taliban stood still

go and sort him out
their leader told his men
none of them came back
he heard the taunt again

bring a hundred next time
seems ten just wer'nt enough
one s.a.s can whoop your ***
we're made of better stuff

angry taliban set off
ferocious in attack
when desert dust had settled down
none of them came back

come on mr taliban
send a thousand more....
commander of the taliban
seething to the core

go and sort that **** out
he's getting on my ****
my wife has got the tea on
bring him back in bits

one survivor made it back
battered, bruised and burned
a martyr's message for his boss
he gave as he returned

go back, retreat, save your lives
it's a trap,  the ******* lied
theres two of them behind the hill
laughing, loudly,  side by side

a scientific problem
puzzled me last night
i pondered on the difference
comparing hard and light

suddenly it dawned on me
you'll have to beg my pardon
i can slumber with the light on
but can't sleep with a *******

while trying to buy some durex
he trembled to his roots
this is just a sport shop sir
you'd better try at boots

half an hour later
fearing confrontation
i'd like to buy a rubber thing
with batteries and vibration

once more the lady scowled
while showing him the door
this is just a sport shop
and don't come back for more

i want some k.y. jelly
he whispered his demand
her patience now exhausted
manager came to hand

what's the problem sir?
you seem a little harassed
welsh rugby,  shirt he mumbled
but i'm too embarrassed

a simple man once said to me,
savour warmth in all that's free,
don't need money,
riches, wealth,
i've got family,
i've got health,
loved ones i have all around,
worth more to me than any pound,
air i breathe, life i lead,
**** the system,
and it's greed.

sneaky stan, the builder man,
who laboured on the site
wheeled a barrow full of straw
for two weeks every night

foreman feared some pilfering
and  searched it every day
he fumbled round, but always  found
now't below the hay.

but sneaky stan, a gardening man,
unhappy with wage rates
had stolen fourteen wheel barrows
and sold em to his mates

lil taffy two tripshad been away beforea miners trip to barryalso nantyglovalley boy adventurereager to exploreworld before his feetmam crying on the doori've packed you tea and sandwichesweeping in her shawlher little boy's too young for thishe's only forty fourintrepid, brave and welshfocus clear as crystalsailed the severn seasended up in bristolbright lights, noise, and blackmenbut taffy knew the crackhe'd watched a film called zuluthe welsh are'nt scared of blackapproached a pretty ladylooking rather coldstockings and suspendershigh heels, posing boldbussle, crowds and trafficleft taffy feeling illneed to sort my head outwhere can i get  a pillshe introduced a hooded manwho offered him a jointi got no where to cook itbut thank you....there's no pointfive pounds for a tabletbut taffy had to risk itwhat added to confusionthe man called it a biscuitsat down on the pavementfeeling warm and funnytook his little cap offand people chucked in moneypioneer bold and bravesniggered thro his teeththey won't believe his storywhen he returns to neathno butchers or a chemista place beyond beliefblack man selling medicinealso joints of beefcraddling the flask of teaand sanwiches of spamtears down his knitted scarfwrapped lovingly by mam

ewe wanna learn how to talk tidy
like all us welsh valley folk do
we don't know a coat from a jacket
we don't know a boot from a shoe

we  live up the road down by there
shoulder length cropped curly hair
got permanent jobs on the fiddle
two houses,and  mines in the middle

my mothers a tea total binger
blonde headed brunette called ginger
she always go out for a night in
to bingo she finds exciting

did you see that wind?
hear that snow?watch that song?
who's coat is that jacket?
and there it was....gone

burning bowels,volcanic eruptions,cauldron of curry,greedy consumptions.stomach constricted,choking barbed wire,*** like a baboon,that sat on a fire.bubbling belly, a pea for a brain,**** like a *** flag, stinging with pain,sat on a toilet, i grunt and i gurn,once a week habit,.....cos i never learn.

i am the boss, and pay the cost
of your life every week
i'm upper class,so kiss my ***
twice daily on each cheek

you are my slave,until your grave
depend on me for pay
you must obey,all i say
eight hours every day

my status rules,you grateful fools
that grovel to my money
i demand, your grafting hands
feed me milk and honey

yeh, but......

i work for you, and listen to
the ******* and the crap
because i've got two kids to feed
along with mortgage trap

but you don't see, where i ***
when you demand a cuppa
laugh aloud, feeling proud
each time i eat my supper

you spit your ****, i laugh in fits
recall your furrowed frown
the night i painted your new car
and let the tyres down  

shout your clout, boss me about
don't care how i'm feeling
but you don't see, where i ***
and everything i'm stealing

englishman....one's wife's rather stupid,as thick as one could be,thinks wales is part of england,and some are in the sea.****....ma womans thick as *****,rite aff her ****** noodle,she took ma rottie fer a walk,an came back wi a poodle.paddy....oi'l be ye all,witt out a doubt,moi missus is da tickest,das ever bin about,she went out for a hen night,somwher near caerphilly,she had ten condoms in her bag,and has'nt got a *****.

we  three kings are having a jar,
bearing gifts we stole from the spar,
money counting, profits mounting,...
selling em in the bar.

ooh, ooh, car of  wonder,pile of *****,
pinched it from a building site,
we proceeded, they don't need it,
taxi's dear this time of night.

we three kings are shy of a goal,
work for a living is selling your soul,
we got money, think it's funny,
tuesday we sign on the dole.

hoodie laughs at working fools,
mocking men that play to rules,
we pay taxes, he relaxes,
he's the king, and we the mules.

tonto fetch the doctortonto fetch him quicksnake jus bit lone rangerbit him on the **** tonto rode the desertwith urgency and forceonly problem was....he forgot to take his horse tonto faced the doctorme know this sounding sillybut snake jus bit lone rangerbit him on hs ***** doctor turned to tontoand looked him in the eyetonto must **** poison outor ranger gonna die what the doc say tonto?rangers hopeful cry.bad news kimo sabihe say you gonna die

the thief entered the window
then filled his pants with poo
voice came from the darkness
" twinkles watching you"

panic in his viens
unsure what to do
yet again the warning words
" twinkle's watching you"

trembling hand that shone a torch
then sighed with much relief
the parrot in a corner said....
" hello, my name is kieth"

what silly ******* named you that?
the robber mocked the bird
kieth the talking parrot?
the daftest thing i've heard

"the same man with a rottwweiler"
"that bit off someones nose"
"he's very good at creeping"
" his name is twinkle toes"

to see alonely child
no mother to confide
a mother once so close
bonded side by side

till illness claimed
left children maimed
stunned in solitude

no calming song
a mammy gone
that fed you love and food

but mother proud
from watching cloud
will guide and shepherd you

with loving arms
and all her charms
from smiling skies of blue

we'm from the valleys,
high in wales,
dull  as donkeys,
hard as nails.

torvaen town,blaenavon gwent,
council caves,that some pay rent.
black and white tellys,
run on gas,
houses wiv lectric,is upper class.

we shoplift in winter,
cos summers no good,
you  can't wear coats,
you can't wear hoods.

we once mined coal,
made steel and iron,
honest hardmen,
pittance relied on.

now thats all gone,
thro government bullies,
now hoodies steal goodies,
from tesco and woolies.

valley boy logic,
philosophy real,
all good fings come.
....to those who steal.

when dai made love to bloddwyn,
t'was a painful strain,
but he battled onward,
through agony and pain.

sorrry bout that darling,
for rushing with my urging,
i would've took my time,
if i knew you were a ******.

don't worry bout it sweetheart,
as she turned the lights off,
if iknew you had more time,
i would've took my tights off.

way down in abercwmscwtwhere taffy's shovel coala taffy shoved a shovelup another taffy's holeidwal called the doctorbut he could'nt comepoor taffy had to walk homewith a shovel up his bumhis mother gave him tabletsto ease the agonybut taffy had to stand upwhile he ate his tea

wise old owl awoke one day
and studied human habits
blinkered, busy, bussling,
stressed out racing rabbits

ever chasing,always racing
never gaining, life of straining
predictable futures, and the source
who's the wiser? cart or horse?

he gazed at our system
thought whats the point....
of hussle and bussle
then rolled up a joint