to the boy who hardly speaks but has the eyes of a wolf
you have brought all emotions to me all at once
and despite your ignorance, i am captivated
the world shifts and creates a surrounding
filled nothing but my thoughts and my feelings
although attaraction is invalid,
i remain hopeful
and even though distance itself is a hindrance
our bodies are far more of a wide range of space
rather than a union of souls
our gravity differs
mine is so much of a pull
and yours is more like a push
we end up in different locations
navigation is nothing
and our minds spiral in a different way
sparks of color
shatter of glass
sun rays
moonlight
rotations like head aches
my heart aches
i have nothing to do but bleed
bleed through the sheets soaked in regrets
bleed through water i'm drowning in
bleed through the papers i've been torturing with my pen
bleed throught the void
hoping to start again
bleed with all my might
for the pain is too much to bear
and love is nothing but fear
and scars and death
to me
i believed in the figments
the holograms that bloomed out of my mind
i believed in it so much
i became too distracted to realize
that you started to be one
i started to be one
and what is left is nothingness
a black hole
and the stars i used to align are now erased from history
all those heavenly bodies obliterate
breaking out of its cosmic cages
and the chains break
your teeth grit
your eyes pierced through me

i bleed once more

i bleed until there's nothing left

you left me clueless
bitten
broken

unsure

millions of midnights
and showers of sorrows
with a burden heavy enough
for death
as if i gathered the stars
to only have my fingers pricked
by its edges of poison
with the drop of blood
creates a flood to drown souls
and surrender their bodies
and forget the core of dreams
in which the wide pitch black sky
torched my fears ablaze
creating wrath
instead of light
the heat melting the iron fists
of the false higher ones
acting like Gods with power
but in one hit
they crash like any other
and we
disproving their mockery
breaking their dark walls
filled with hate
and fraud
and vanity
and finishing their reign
with the voices
that intend to speak
but still
this voices
are in a state of grief
and depression
and diffidence
that their bravery
is just redundancy
and their mouths must be
unknown
but maybe on a someday
it will all be clear
that everyone
isn't good enough
that everyone
isn't perfect
but everyone
is a *somebody

See that girl
She’s a try hard
She likes to play with her hair
She bites her nails off when she tries to talk to people
Such a disgusting and annoying one
She thinks that she’s amazing
But she’s no prima donna
She sings
She dances
She writes
But she *****
She’s not pretty
She’s not tall
She’s not skinny
Not at all.

You see me don’t you?
Your eyes are filled with hatred
I can feel them glaring at me
Trying to **** me with your stares
Trying hard not to tear me up
Pulling my hair to ease up the moment
I bit my nails off to **** the tension
I pretend that I am ok, that I am grand
I sing
I dance
I write
They’re my outlet for everything
Don’t take them away
But, I don’t care anymore
Not at all.

She irritates me
She’s numb
She does not feel how negative we are towards her
Or is she that dumb?
Drama Queen!
Always making a scene!
Attention seeker!
Someone give her a time out!
Enough with her antics already!
You’re just another girl bullying yourself
It’s not our fault
That you hate yourself
That you cut yourself
In fact we don’t give a **** about you
Not at all.

I’ll go away
I’ll vanish
I don’t want your attention
Your attention is focusing on me
The reason why you see everything
The reason why you hate me
You said enough
You said I’m bullying myself
It’s all my fault
I am my destroyer
I am my own demon
I am my ender
I am nothing
Did I care to live another day in this Earth?


Not at all.



-jnldm

If I was a pen*
My point will be the world,
Then my ink will be hope,
And the paper is humanity.
So every time I touch humanity,
I give off hope through the world
Releasing it for human kind,
The world being a bridge for change,
Becoming a useful pen for living things.
With every mark humanity will be determined
With every touch the world becomes better.
And even though I’ll make a mess
And even though I’ll spill my ink
I can say I scattered hope
I can say I tried to change the world for the better
And that this mess, made hope sprung to everyone.
And as a ‘normal’ pen
I will write countless words until everything is gone
And You may say hope is gone,
But the hope I had inside is given to humanity
Filling the hearts and minds.
And this hope will form more pens
And this hope will inspire
And this hope will be a better being
And this hope will be our world.
But I’m not a pen
And I don’t need  to be a pen to give hope
And I don’t need a pen to change the world.
I’m going to be a human being
A human that will spark change
A human that will give hope
A human who will rise after the storm
A human who will see the sun, the rainbow after the rain.
I am a human
My mind will be the world,
Then actions will be hope,
And my heart will be humanity.
So every time I’ll do something
I’ll think about the world
And I’ll feel what everybody needs
And I’ll know what to do
I am a human and I’ll give hope




-jnldm

The night’s coldness have hit me
Breeze full of memories
Of the distant past
Coming to freeze you from reality
And let the old times through
Realizations have cornered my mind
As the wind blew the pain away
Once again the clarity of life
Without the frosted eyes from the year’s pain
Shaved fear off my sleaves
And let the light decorate me
Ornaments hanging beautifully and free
Cakes delightfully plated
Holiday’s blend of happiness and comfort
You’re back again!

-jnldm

I keep on crawling
Bashing, walking, disappearing
Reappearing in your nightmares
I have not done anything but you distance yourself
Back out, Abort, Fight back, and ****
Inevitable.
My poison is pain
My poison is harm
My poison is death
It will do us apart

My insides break
You stepped on me
Crushed my soul
Yet I armed myself
Of pride, strength and independence
I am broken,
Arms shattered
Heart battered
Poisoned by my own toxins,
I altered myself

I hide in the dark
To be unknown
Leave reality
And weave my thoughts into a house
Then you break it,
Breaking, into useless strings
Spinning into infinity
Breaking from reality
Settling for disparity
I crash, unbridled

I sit between the lines
Keeping myself
From the light
The harm of the its shine
Triggering, Stunning my arms
As I embark life;
Discovering,
Living,
Dying.
Learning that everything will end.

Recovering,  from the glass,
That demolished itself
Corrupted itself
And breaking into pieces
Stabbing me, bits by bits
Analyzing the blood
Flowing down my arms
Streaming down my cheeks
Setting up a castle
Lies and Lies and all those cries

I am mistaken
A behemoth,
Out of your fallen minds
Revealing darkness
Unveiling the pain
From life;
Tortured souls
Self harm
Suicidal tendencies
How we are today

The castle of fears and pains
Build, standing steadily
Yet at one angle
Breaking
Tears streamed
Will anyone see
Will anyone feel
Will anyone weave my house, my castle
Back to place
Let all the darkness disappear
And crush my pride then Call for;
H     E     L    P.



-jnldm

His eyes caught me
From a distance I see
Dyed hair of white and dark blue
Like his lips, coloured
Like his smile, I see
Deep within the surface,
Is his hidden secrets
Deep within the smile,
Is his hidden pain

His eyes caught me
Shaded with dark thick lines
Closer and closer ,  I feel
His hair swept to the side
Like his voice
Like his laugh, I hear
Echoing beneath me,
Is his soothing voice
Echoing beneath me,
Is his pure joy

Today is the day
The day he’ll feel alive
The day he might notice
The day I knew ,
I truly love him.
                
                                                                  *to love me back will be everything

If I was more,
Will you love me?
Will you even care?
Someone as iridescent as you
As all the purity lies in you
Has taken over with a glow
Your smile is more true
Because of her
The mysterious 'her'.
Who is she that captivated your heart?

If I was beautiful,
Will you love me?
Will you even stare?
Someone as infinite as you
All the love that lies in you
Has taken over me
Your heart beats solemnly
Because of her
The lovely 'her'.
Who is she who made your heart beat?

If I was her
Will you love me?
Will you notice me?
Will you hold my hand
As you held hers on a cold rainy night?
Will you kiss me
That passionate as you desired that beautiful evening?
When will you say,
"I do... love you"?
... Will you ever love me to ashes?
                                                          ­       *But I will.

I'm a cloud of useless waste of particles.
I float freely, I fall slowly.
I'm a useless dust of chalk. Wasted.
What is my purpose?
After my knowledge?
After I have made my marks on the board?
What am I bound to do?
After I sit steady in the cold, dark place that I stain? That I ruin?

I'm a useless powdered material.
I stay stationary, I move slightly.
I'm a useless left over matter of chalk. Unimportant.
No appreciation for my knowledge.
No notice for my wisdom.
Is my purpose to be unseen?
Is my purpose to irritate eyes and wreck souls?

I'm a chalk dust in a dark, cold corner...
Soliloquy is my game.
What I play. every time. everyday
Intentionally left behind,
By my knowledge, my wisdom, my faith, my truth.
I'm now
A Nobody.

I vanish, and I flourish and I fly.
I'm a chalk dust with no purpose.
And so, the soul had fled the existing body.
And in the end, I see...
My useless soul, my life...
Under appreciated


** jnldm