Seven days
Seven days repeat them
Repeat them over
One by one
Seven by seven.
Here we go
Seven colours the sky smiles
Seven times seventy
And seventeen years
Seven levels of hell
And seven sins to send you there
Seven princesses
Sailing seven seas
And seven sea monsters to sink them
Seven lies and seven truths
Seven wonders
On seven continents
That I will never see
Seven dreams
On seven nights
Seven kisses
Seven kisses
Seventeen years
Seven years for complete cell replacement
And it’s been seven
Seven years of plenty
And seven of famine
Seven seconds to count down
Seven candles to light
7-Up and 7/11
Seven days
Seven days repeat them
Repeat them over and over and over
Seven years repeat them over
Seventeen repeat it over
Repeat it over
Repeat it over and over
Seven cells replaced in seven
Seven tears cried in seven
Seven out of seven
And seventeen years
Seven dwarfs and seven demons
Seven secrets
Concealed by seven lies
Seven torches we bear
Seven oaths and seven gemstones
Seven spells for seven curses
On seventeen days
And the Seven Years War
In seven days I built myself
And in seven seconds I’m destroyed
Seven feathers fall to earth
Seven stars all align
And seven Gods stole my soul
Seven slaves owned by seven masters
Seven burdens
Seven burdens
Seven prayers leave my lips
Seventy Hail Mary’s to save you
And seven angels
Seven sweet friends
That left me
Here’s what they don’t tell you
Seven lives mean seven deaths
And seven joys mean seven pains
Seven sisters mean seven funerals
And seven suns mean seven rains
And seven
And seven
I’ve been stuck on seventeen
For an eternity
Repeat it
Repeat it over
Repeat it over
Seven
And seven
And seven
Teen.
Seven days
And I’ll be home to a house I’ve never seen
In a country I don’t belong to
And a language I can’t speak
And it’s all just seven
And seven
And seven
Teen.

What have I done to you?
My lambs ear child grown thorns
Along the backbone of our narrative
Each vertebra a catastrophe
And I can’t make skeletons fall in love with me
No matter how much flesh I force on them
And in the interludes of the symphony they wrote for us
I taught you dark by darkness
I watered you with gasoline
And snatched each word from off your tongue
I sprayed fresh poison into your lungs
And I can still recall
The twelve tears
Blurring that birthday
That suffocating epiphany
Of this-has-gone-too-far
And these aren’t scars
They’re time bombs
Landmines in the marrow of your bones
And mine isn’t a ******* throne
It’s an electric chair
Look at me I dyed my hair
And I mourn us with the black around my eyes
Here we are we walk this line
I ask you how you are
And you say “fine”
And I am shocked at how much those thorns sting me
Every ******* time.

It was Halloween and I kissed him
On the sidewalk outside that cheapskate bar.
It was Halloween and I was seventeen.
And the scariest thing about all of this
Is who I am becoming.
I hit the ground rather running
I've always been smart and cunning
But I am getting a bit out of control.
I hate myself
But I hate him more
And I hate God most
For letting me turn out this way
When I told him to make it all okay
I told him so many times
Six empty shot glasses
and bitten limes
Before I said amen.
And morning felt like coffee grinds
And night lingered like orange rinds
Beneath your fingernails
I locked myself within this jail
I told you not to let me fail
I told you not to let me fall
I told you how I'd get lost in it all.
And I was right.
And where were you?
Where were you to win my fight?
When you left you took my light
Where were you when I ****** up last night?
It was Halloween and he tasted like nothing
But who am I to judge.
It was Halloween and the scariest thing about all of this
Is I loved Halloween
With a love so pure
And I don't know if I can do that anymore.

Maybe if you let me.
(I'm telling you to let me)

Sit in Starbucks in the rain
Venti Vanilla and hamstring pain
Biked all the way here
to sit and study road signs
Note down all the guidelines
to sit and sip and listen to the sky's tears
Behind the Bon Iver Holocene
and future fears
Too much coffee will make you old
Too much work will make you dull
Threadbare sweater, aren't you cold?
Threadbare dreams, weren't you bold?
Weren't you better than this?
I could have sworn you were interesting
Weren't you Intrepid
     boundary-testing?
Weren't you Fearless
     all-Investing?
Infinite Spirit
     Never resting
And now look at you
Utterly Ordinary
the typical type
Suburban Sell-out
     Cheers to real life.

When the thunder comes you'll have to go
On the city bus
Blue Idaho
Ride until you find the next place to be
Stay there until you see me
Rolling hills
Jefferson Decree
Declare, Declare
"Sweet child, You're free"
But we know so much better
Sail boats
and fickle weather
Burry you're sins beneath the heather
and run from them
Fishing bridge and marigold stem
Stay there until I come
Bag pipes and oil drums
and the overwhelming quiet of the forest

Here you are and does it feel like you thought it would?
Will you be happy here like you thought you could?
Discomfort never felt so dissettling
Inadequacy never felt so heart-werenching
Sorrow never felt so soul-drenching.
You're not through with mourning yet
You're not like these people
Not at all
Not at all
and you lack that bravery to believe that that is beautiful
Out of place
Out of sight
Out of mind
Pack your bags and rewind
Ettle weiss and coffee grinds
reading in between those lines
and living resurrection
Feeling those moments of joy
just as deep as you feel this rejection
longing to feel some connection
to these four white walls
Pathetic and alone in Montreal.

Imperfection unparalleled
Flawed like flies on ****
Cold like that ***** November
******* frigid
And aloof
Come now, tell me what you see
Can you read my painted face?
Can you kiss my coloured lips,
Or see past the black lines that block my eyes?
Fortress impenetrable
Impregnable
Quite impressive really
But also impossibly sad
I can fake confidence like you’ve never had
Do you like me in my party dress?
All legs and eyelashes
All smiles and camera flashes
Cheap wine and car crashes
Find me alone in my college bed
Naked from the neck up
Dreaming of someone who would love me that way
And praying that someone could be me
Drinking copious amounts of black tea
And waiting out the winter
Call me the great pretender
I’ll wear that title like a badge
Because paralyzed by insecurity
I still manage to drink and dance so beautifully
Wake in the morning
6 am
to stich up a fresh face
face the day with unmatched grace
and fabulous poise
wink and wave at older boys
then rip your guts out in the dark
slice the pain and swallow
puke it out until you’re hollow
pray for revelation
or salvation
maybe a vacation might suffice
here’s a piece of fine advice:
prayer is all we have.
And as for me
I’m evergreen and office pine
Jagged cliffs, an infinite decline
Bloodred bleeding valentine
Just a few heartbeats from a flatline.