we didn’t talk the entire time
from the hospital
to our house
just you and i
and our footsteps
falling in time
(i think i would know you
eyes closed, heart blinded)
you said i couldn’t take criticism
when you can’t take any blame
but i followed you home quietly
and you cooked my favorite meal
we go around in a circle
hand in hand, eurydice

i am now twenty five
the number is evenly placed
between twenty and thirty
i hated myself at twenty
i wonder who i’ll be at thirty
the years seem to stretch
and snap back
i am now twenty five
i’ve had my heart broken twice
i used to think i’d never recover
until i do, and i always do
my friends have changed
my voice has changed
i don’t know what’s next
and maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be

i want to press into you
until i cannot see
where i end and
where you begin
i want to know everything
from where you sleep
to where you dream
i don’t have a lot
but i can do this for you:
i will build us a heaven
where you can rest
and i can look at you
wouldn’t that be nice?

sometimes i want to
it’s a passing thought,
a half-remembered dream,
a bullet on my to-do list.
and the only thing
really stopping me is
my mother
who cannot afford
another funeral

if you were icarus, i’d be the sea
ready to envelop you when you fall
perhaps i wished your wax wings melt
or you wouldn’t hear your father’s call

if you were ariadne, i’d be the labyrinth
every corner of me ready to confuse
your gold thread would end up in knots,
maybe i’d even trip up your theseus

if you were narcissus, i’d be the lake
ever-still, come even closer to my face
i’d feed into your vices then pretend
that you’re the hero in every case

if you were calypso, i’d be the island
invisible, bending to your every whim
when the shore lines up with a lost sailor
i’d be here when you’re done with him

if you were orpheus, i’d be the underworld
sing your song, bard, and get lost in me
my darkness will soften your hard footsteps
until you realize you could never be free

i wanted to hug you last time
i just realized what i want
(i should’ve done that)
i wanted to tell you
“everything will be alright”
i was up in my head
i was still a bit hurt
(from january, from july)
i’m slow to realize
but i really should’ve
hugged you
and invited you
(late realizations make me sad)

do you know what it feels
to be hit by
cupid’s poisoned arrow?
at first, it is wonderful
to be pierced through the heart
the world adjusts to your new eyes
because a certain person is alight
there is music in the air
there is sugar in every bite
you make every excuse
just to be by their side
you don’t even realize it
but here comes the crash
storm clouds brew over
your perfectly sunlit life
suddenly, you’re dropped
from a few thousand leagues in the sky
falling in love?
more like falling to your death
cupid didn’t give you wings
he injured you with precision
his arrow hit a major artery, darling
you’ve been losing blood
hallucinating, fever high
all this time