Sometimes it feels like you and me are out in the middle of the sea
I’m holding on to you but You aren’t holding on to me
I don’t know who I am but you seem to know exactly who you are
I’m fighting with myself
I don’t know what to feel or do or think
It would cause me physical pain to break your heart
I don’t know what to do
I just want us to become whole again

Things keep happening
they just don't stop coming
you can't stop them and you can't stop living either
you have to find that way that makes it worth it
finding something to live for to keep the bad days bearable and good days even better
but
on your 45th bad day and you haven't been able to take a breathe and the **** is constantly hitting the fan please continue to believe that the magic and good things will come
i promise

I knew I was depressed when I woke the next morning and I still had the bad thing on my mind from the night before
When I couldn't just snap out of the mood anymore
When I woke up crying
When I was mess in front of everyone
When I didn't want to go out with friends
When I hated seeing people some times
When my brain physically felt like it couldn't work anymore
When I went 100 mph in my car because  I didn't care if I lived or died anymore

I have this group of girlfriends...best friends...sisters
We love with our hearts and souls
We deal with the unbearable all while holding each other
Near or far I know we have this bond
Each of us are somewhere in our life
For two I believe they are living in a defining chapters
For the other we are just living and slowly climbing the ladder
Wondering where to go next
We're still falling out the plane looking for a soft place to land
One fell hard
One fell just right
One is still trying to find the ground
and I have my eye on the ground but just don't really know how to get there
I wonder where these chapters will take us
hoping that this sisterhood ends up on solid ground

Who is this girl I see
Staring right back at me
I don't know her but I feel her
I feel that she is lost, a bit
She's sacred, a bit
but she is brave and will weather any storm or mood that comes
I'm curious on what she really wants but I think she doesn't know
She doesn't know what she wants
She just wants fun, laugher, and success
That's all
But life is so **** messy that it gives her so many more thoughts
maybe one day she'll know which path to take and when she ends up in the right place she'll know exactly that is it the right place for her

As I look around my apartment I see small moments of all the wonderful women in my life
I see the kitchen table given to me by my cousin who so generously gave to me with the candles and flowers that I bought to make my own
The bedroom furniture so graciously sold to me by someone whom I admired so very much
The couch I'm sitting on given to me by the professor who told me not to quit after a terrible heartache
And this very apartment crafted to make this my safe space before I even lived here by my best friend
And remembering the night I moved in with the help of my mother, aunt, and niece who saved the day with their willpower and kindness
All together the women in my life have helped to create my amazing living space and helped to make it my own and without them I don't know where I'd be

God safe the women

The very first was hard and sad as ****
When the anniversary rolled around I was more sad because I realize hadn't talked to david since that day
New years eve *****
Now I'm sad