It's been three years since I didn't kiss you in the Edison's parking lot
I wanted to but I didn't know that you wanted me as much as I wanted you


Now I'm sitting here at 11:30 p.m. wondering if any of that was real to you
the feelings you poured out on a paper and in person
did they mean anything or did you just say them to make yourself believe that you could love someone more than yourself

That was mean to say and it hurt to write but that's how it feels

Three years ago I was smiling hard because I was falling for this amazing person who not only liked me but had a look of promise in her eyes
I saw forever, a family, a life for us two and maybe when the time was right a third but tonight I'm not sure what I see

Or where I'll be if you ever come around to the promises you made
I can't live my life waiting on you
You're everything I need but time has changed you so much that all my efforts lack the appeal of you
My whole world flipped upside down by a young carefree princess who I believed and loved so deeply that it literally feels like my heart has been ripped out of my body and thrown away
It feel like my life was a lie and I'm sitting wondering if I will EVER be able to believe someone if tell me the same wonderful things you always said


I get change, change is great but I feel like one day you just flipped a switch and I was nothing to you

The memories of a full of love, happy you and I keep racing in my mind and I guess that proves the point of smile because it happened, don't cry because it's over

I wonder, if maybe I would have kissed you that night if you would still be mine tonight

I am mad that you still pop into my head

I am mad that I let you treat me so bad

I am mad that when someone is treating me that I am the best thing they have ever had
It only reminds of the terrible love we once had

Things keep happening
they just don't stop coming
you can't stop them and you can't stop living either
you have to find that way that makes it worth it
finding something to live for to keep the bad days bearable and good days even better
but
on your 45th bad day and you haven't been able to take a breathe and the **** is constantly hitting the fan please continue to believe that the magic and good things will come
i promise

I am scared, scared of being so hurt like I once was

I let my heart feel every ounce of emotion

I let myself fall, fall way to hard and way to fast and that also scares the **** out of me because I am trying to protect my fragile heart that is way too big for its own good

But there is this woman

A woman who is often unsure of herself but tells me that I make her feel sure

A woman who has the prettiest blue eyes I have ever seen

A woman who is brave but doesn’t know she’s showing it

A woman who has a talent out of this world and a voice that makes my heart skip a beat

A woman who Is letting me know that its okay to feel this way again

And even if I end up in the same place I was before I know that this adventure with her will have been well worth it

To grow you must endure the uncomfortable which is almost always playing with pain but in return you come out on the other end

That's what they say

The moment you feel that first wave of pain you want to mask it
Which is why there are so many alcoholics and drug addicts
They have a pain that needs to be masked
but on days like today I have learned that sometimes masking the pain will not take it away but only hide it until the mask falls off and you are sober again and then its real and bigger than before

Anything worth working towards is going to be painful
It requires you to stand still and feel what is happening around you
Feeling the pain is never easy but it is a must for growth

And once you grow that pain will slow slip away and you will finally be able to breathe again
If there's no pain there will never be a gain

Thank you for leaving me when you did
When you left I was crushed but slowly and surely I found my way into a life I love
The life I'm creating for myself is beautiful and every single thing I have ever hoped for this part of my life
Our memories together were wonderful and I will never forget all the things I learned from being apart of your life
But I have finally realized that without this push I would have never be able to truly live my life and I hope with all my heart that you are doing the same

On the night you were born the moon and stars were aligned so perfectly that they had a conversation about the beautiful life getting ready to explode into a journey of absolute creation and wonder

So on days when it seems like you don’t want to live another moment remember that the moon holds your heart and the stars will guide you to where the sun will rise again, and everything will be as it is meant to be