I remember your voice.
the slow, steady breath
you took between each sentence.

I remember the way you stood.
at a shoulder width stance
yet so relaxed and calm.

I remember the your eyes.
how they lit up in the darkness
and led me stray when closed.

I remember the things you said.
you loved me.
you needed me.
then things changed,
I hated you. I wanted you gone.
now I realize...
I remember

I can no longer breathe without the regrets of pushing you away....
my eyes cloud up as my mind reveals our finest memories,
the little time that I had you to call mine.
I failed to inform you as much as I sought out to..
that you are the very thing that keeps me striving to move forward.
you are the very blood in my veins keeping me alive and breathing....
but I could not tell you this.
I could not let you know the things that I held inside,
in fear of rejection.
in fear that the words I longed to speak would push you further than the actions
I had revealed to be me....
I gave you my breath,
and you let it go....
but I forgive you for it all, for you had no intensions of hurting me..
did you?

I can no longer breathe without the regrets of pushing you away....
my eyes cloud up as my mind reveals our finest memories,
the little time that I had you to call mine.
I failed to inform you as much as I sought out to..
that you are the very thing that keeps me striving to move forward.
you are the very blood in my veins keeping me alive and breathing....
but I could not tell you this.
I could not let you know the things that I held inside,
in fear of rejection.
in fear that the words I longed to speak would push you further than the actions
I had revealed to be me....
I gave you my breath,
and you let it go....
but I forgive you for it all, for you had no intensions of hurting me..
did you?

I sat outside today,
at the top of the hill in the back
With nobody around I sat there,
and I breathed,
so clear and easy
I felt no restraint,
nothing could go wrong.
The sun was high above me,
the air wasn't thick or heavy,
it was soothing.

I lived today, and finally....
I realized what is really worth fighting for.
tomorrow.

If only you knew....
The leaves stopped falling,
The birds stopped singing,
The clouds never left after you did.

You took everything with you,
The sunshine,
The memories,
The heartbreaks....

You slowly turned,
From a friend,
To best friend,
To boy friend..
To nothing.

It hurt to see you go,
You were the only thing I had left.
You left me there....
Cold and scarred.

I forgave you so many times..
But none of those "I'm sorry"s
Meant a thing to you.
It was just another word.

I wish you were able to grow on me,
As I did on you.

I wish you regretes the day you left,
As much as I wished you to.

I'm glad you're back,
The space you left while you were gone was cold,
I wasn't quite sure if you would talk to me,
But the choice you made was very bold,
I love to see you move along,
With terrible poems....
I miss being close, but its just a secret now,
I wish you knew all of this some how....
So be my secret friend again,
It's nights like these I've missed,
Nights like these that have no ends.

Dear "friend",

      you see my pain from when you left,
you never gave me a reason.. or a goodbye.
I have yet to over come my feelings, my hurt,
but most of all, I have yet to over come you.
It's like when I see you, my heart stops,
just by the thought of what was once there.
You had me wrapped around your little finger,
but for some reason you didn't want me there.
I'm not sure what I did wrong....
I'm not sure if you really know how I felt about you,
your family, your smile, your laugh....you....
while I sit here I regret not asking you.
But it's far to late to ask for a reason why you left,
and it is far to late to ask you to care.
But Dear "Friend", please just know;
I wish you were there.

I don't even understand you anymore.... we used to be so sweet and lucky....
but we're broken; you fight and I hide....

Just save me already,
stop my misery, and take me to the place where you love and want me.

just ******* save me from this hurt.

I know that was our last,
The once upon a time,
The happily ever after,
But I never believed in
Love at first sight....
You just got lucky.

want me,
no....
crave me

don't bother trying to control the feeling
that desire,
that need,
don't try to cover it up or hide it behind something else.

i see right through it all.

you know this world is turned upside down and i can't seem to place my finger on the right place to land. its almost like everywhere that you are able to turn you are still facing me and no matter how many times i try to push it all away, it all comes back. yeah i guess you could say that in some shape or form im beyond crazy and that im out of my mind but if you were to ask me i dont think that i would agree at all. i feel like its more down the path of 'im confused about the happily ever after' part of the story. because face it; nothing ends with the perfect couple or this beautiful damsel in distress. haha.. no everything ends REAL and to all of the people that keep wishing upon shooting stars and waiting for 11:11 to come around you need to open your eyes, you aren't going to get anything out of a life that you are blind in; everything worth having is worth fighting for and that is the ONLY way that you are going to get it.

i cannot tell who you are
by the swing of your step
and i cannot follow your heart
when no path is set.
but if you feel the strongest burst
to follow through
even when it hurts
you my dearest,
will be my hero
which can save me from this place;
your love can take me away..

i cannot tell who you are
by the swing of your step
and i cannot follow your heart
when no path is set.
but if you feel the strongest burst
to follow through
even when it hurts
you my dearest,
will be my hero
which can save me from this place;
your love can take me away..

they spent every day together since the day they met
but nobody thought that they would end up being so different in the end....
she loved him more than anything
but to him she was just his best friend;
his other half.
there was no hiding that they would tell each other how they felt
but there was no way to take back how she felt..

everything changes.

little white flowers,
fallen to the ground,
her small silent cries,
are no where to be found.
he sees her there all alone,
but no where near her does he go..

justin; i know you might not read this;
but your faith is my bliss !?
youre what i miss....
(friendship wise)
a relationship wasted our time;
so please just admit
i never meant ****
you took me in
thinking you could fool me;
but i wish you could have told me
you made me smolder
when i wish you just let me burn;
but what can i do now
that lesson's learned
and never again will i say those words
to you;
but you say them
to her..

i cant even think straight anymore?
this is the first time im writing with out you to write back.
but why would you care?
you didnt want to write back in the first place?
why would i care about what you thought when i clicked the publish button?
electricity ran through my heart waiting for you to comment.
yeah; **** it.... i dont want to write poems any more.
because of you.

i know i say that you are the worst thing to ever happen to me and that i wish to replace you;
but all i felt was friendship with you; when you kissed me.... you had no emotion;
when you held me close to you; i couldnt even feel you breathe....
i know that it doesnt matter now; but did i ever meant a single thing to you?
i lost you as the one i loved;
dont let me lose you as a friend....

you have deprived me of everything that i have ever had with you or any other person that i have had time to get close with. so one more thing cannot hurt me anymore than you have already;
all i ask is you leave me be,
so i do not have to be reminded of our yesterdays..
i wish to forget you and....
i wish to flee this place;
because every time i glance around,
i am drowned by the memory of you.
these thoughts haunt me..
and they keep me from moving forward....
so all i ask is you stay out of everything i do right and everything that does me wrong.

if you can catch me; then please be my guest....
open your arms and cushion my fall.
dont give me that false hope;
like you gave every other girl....
when you say i love you;
i want you to mean it....
when you hold me close to you;
and kiss me..
as you hold my waist;
and i wrap my arms around your shoulders;
dont just think about how you like me because i like you;
think about why i mean so much to you;
then as we lay in bed;
your body covering mine like a blanket;
dont just count my breaths as you go;
realize i dont want this to end;

I sat today and thought over a thousand times about this.
It has been roaming in my mind for the past day or two.
I just wish that there was a much easier way that I could tell you.
I wish that you would automatically know when you look at me.
But that is not an option in this.
I wish that there was one hundred hours in the day so I could sit
in the oak tree and pluck off all it's leafs.
But that is not a option I want to take.
I guess that I am  just trying to say that ten years from now,
I want you to be the one holding me and keeping me safe
from all possible harm that comes my way....
Bit i know that is not an option for me.

should it matter that you are so many miles away;
that i am here waiting for your return?
would you call me crazy if i told you;
every time i hear our song;
i pick up the phone to call and realize i can't.
does it really matter that you are there and i am here..
to me it does not.
love is not a judgement of distance,
love is waking up knowing that the person you are with today;
is who you really want to be with tomorrow.

waiting in the way that nobody ever thought to look,
falling in the dream chance that nobody ever took..

the world will not come to an end;
over all in its nature;
it will come to a sudden stand still;
when everything stops dead;
as what it is today..

its okay, i fear you not,
you are but a shadow,
left to haunt, I've opened up,
to show you me, you snuck inside,
so you could see, every fear,
that i possess, and every tear,
that left me a mess....

its okay, i fear you not,
you are but a shadow,
left to haunt, I've opened up,
to show you me, you snuck inside,
so you could see, every fear,
that i possess, and every tear,
that left me a mess....

How must the words entangle around my tongue,
                                      To prove these words have meanings,
One word has more than one.
                                                                                        You tell me that you're sorry,
                                                                                                                     But i can tell you're wrong,
                                                                          You left my cold and lonely,
You knew it all along..

i lose everything,
you take my breath away,
my heart skips,
i dont know where to go,
but you arent here to see me now,
so remember what i looked like,
tomorrow i might not be here..
so take me for granted,
just kiss me like you mean it..

Welcome to a new day,
nothings happened yet,
make it how you want it,
so you wont regret.
you dont look back,
you cant tell me,
how i feel.. cause i feel alone,
if you are still here,
take my hand and help out,
this is a lost and found..
its funny you should say that
but nothing ever changes.
things may sometimes look the same,
but life just rearranges.

i know that i say things,
but so do all of you,
you dont understand that words have meanings,
much bigger than you think they do,
they may come out so easily,
but time after time,
day after day,
words break you down,
you feel like you are trapped and nothing can save you,
you feel like youre short of breath as the reality of this collapses around you,
afraid,
hurt,
tear stained cheeks that wont go away,
you are officially scared,
sorry cant cover things up,
you cannot tell any body that you meant different,
so speak what you mean,
and what you wish for people to hear..
but keep in mind,
as soon as you let the words leave your mouth,
they have a consequence,
and the outcome is out of your hands.

i saw with my eyes,
so many lies,
i walked on this ground,
not truth to be found,
i fell for your trick,
your lies were so sick,
i kissed you in the rain,
but could not wash away my pain,
i thought that we were perfect,
but you lied,
you're not worth it..

dance with me; until the leaves on the trees come loose.
swing with me; until the stars shift above us.
say you love me; until you run out of breath to speak.
take my hand; and never let go of me.

four years;
you have put me through hell.
i reached my breaking point;
but only i can tell.
she has taken everything away from me;
let me down,
please let me be.
for those who stood by my side;
there are others who washed me away like tides.
i have nothing else to live for, im so sorry.
i just wanted to say goodbye because by the time you read this,
i will be on the floor in the first floor school bathrooms,
laying lifeless, but still breathing..
then; only then will you all believe what i say..
this is the end,
i rue this day....

in to the deep, dark, despair that i know as my mind,
im afraid, let alone the fact that i have nothing,
no family, friends, loved ones....
i have nothing to take in to mind after a long day of wondering and hoping,
working and thinking....
about where i ever went wrong....
will i ever find my answer or will my fears just grow deeper? ....

ive been gone so long;
these people and their words,
they seem like strangers at least,
soaking into my mind.

these perfectly laid words,
fallen upon my screen,
make me start to wonder,
why can't that write be me?

amazing people's thoughts..
stuck on electronic sheets,
try taking a pen and paper,
its not as easy as it seems.

i feel so alone,
as if a single word changed us all..
as if i am this new reason,
that you wont catch me when i fall..
im taking second thoughts,
of love, is it lost?
i've fallen into this,
its easy yet so hard..

The last time i've ever seen your eyes,
I flash back, and now I start to cry,
these feelings,
are falling,
this is our last trial,
and its starting with denial.
So take me down,
yeah drag me under..
they say that we're young,
but maybe we're just stronger....

Now flash back,
can you see my mother?
Your half ***,
and the stupid endeavor....
I hate this,
my head is spinning faster now,
I can't find,
one more reason,
to waste time,
for all of your treason..

And the grace in your eyes,
and the swing in your step,
and you walk down the isle,
love holding your very hand..
you look back and cry,
at the times that passed bye,
and how you felt was undeniable..
you were young,
and dumb,
and all but in love,
but you thought it was the real thing.
With fortune and trust,
a future of lust,
you could not walk away....
you looked in her eyes,
and spoke a sweet melody,
it's heart ache and pain to get through.

and i know now im falling,
even harder than before,
its like a shock of lust,
more than i asked for.

can you feel what i am feeling,
do you see it on my face,
the words that your speaking,
fit perfectly in place.

dance with me till sun down,
take me by the hand,
lead me to fortress,
until we cannot stand.

i'd walk with you for miles,
days or even weeks,
months are all i ask for,
in your arms i shall sleep.

i've found a way to become who you wish i was;
take you down to a open feild,
release the doves.

i've found a way to become who you wish i could always be;
take you to my room,
as your body covers me.

i've found a way to make you mine;
hold you tight,
we'll be just fine.

fall in to me,
i am your savior.

kiss my cheek,
i am your savior.

hold me closer,
i am your savior.

don't let me down,
i am your savior.

and until the summer comes again,
you my dear are my only friend.
until i fall upon the clock,
time spins slowly..
tick
              tock

im being torn apart,
im falling for this boy,
he knows he has my heart,
but to him its just a toy.
he drops me off the book shelf,
and leaves me on the floor,
because the day he said goodbye,
i lost what i adored.
his soft lips,
pressed against mine,
i felt some sort of safety,
but no sense of mind.
because you were only waiting,
until i fell apart,
you simply walked away,
without a sense of heart.

im falling.
and slowly losing breath.
taking apart everything you ever said.
holding back my fears.
dealing with the pain.
caught in the world.
where everyone's insane.
clawing at the walls.
taring apart my finger tips.
feeling so much pain.
to live or to love.
to laugh with out the past.
to feel the way i wish.
with out a spell cast.

In all aspects of being loved, there are various imperfections or mistakes able to make.
Along with these aspects comes trust. Trust isn't an object, nor an emotion.. trust is a natural instinct. From the day we are delivered in our pink or blue blankets; we cannot be taught the right way to trust a person, we can only learn from one on one living confrontations. For example, if you or I chose right now to trust that lonely forgotten homeless man on the side of the street, that is our decision.... nothing but the mistreatment of my trust can show me different.

you knew me more than anything,
now i mean nothing,
im another girl that says
"i love you"
i thought it was true,
i fell for it again,
thinking that i could possibly meant more than three words
the only three words that broke me down,
made my heart skip one thousand beats,
told me that you cared for me..
but its all old news,
just like me,
you,
us.

taken
in
by
simple
lies
easy
lines
falling
down
im
on
the
ground
­gasping
for
a
single
breathe
take
me
in
and
keep
me
alive
.

im cold, and lonely..
broken beyond repair.
i can only imagine
your fingers in my hair.
as you kiss my neck,
i look back and check....
but youre not there,
this house is bare.
silent screams,
echoing..
shattering the window panes,
the chilling sounds,
driving me insane....
this house,
this house will be the death of me....

hello old friend,
can you hear me?
hear me calling?
screaming out your name..
wondering if you're there..
am i even sane?
call out for a doctor,
help me help myself.
im lost with out your guide..
i feel as if im wasting time....

for me? <3