I remember your voice.
the slow, steady breath
you took between each sentence.

I remember the way you stood.
at a shoulder width stance
yet so relaxed and calm.

I remember the your eyes.
how they lit up in the darkness
and led me stray when closed.

I remember the things you said.
you loved me.
you needed me.
then things changed,
I hated you. I wanted you gone.
now I realize...
I remember

I can no longer breathe without the regrets of pushing you away....
my eyes cloud up as my mind reveals our finest memories,
the little time that I had you to call mine.
I failed to inform you as much as I sought out to..
that you are the very thing that keeps me striving to move forward.
you are the very blood in my veins keeping me alive and breathing....
but I could not tell you this.
I could not let you know the things that I held inside,
in fear of rejection.
in fear that the words I longed to speak would push you further than the actions
I had revealed to be me....
I gave you my breath,
and you let it go....
but I forgive you for it all, for you had no intensions of hurting me..
did you?

I can no longer breathe without the regrets of pushing you away....
my eyes cloud up as my mind reveals our finest memories,
the little time that I had you to call mine.
I failed to inform you as much as I sought out to..
that you are the very thing that keeps me striving to move forward.
you are the very blood in my veins keeping me alive and breathing....
but I could not tell you this.
I could not let you know the things that I held inside,
in fear of rejection.
in fear that the words I longed to speak would push you further than the actions
I had revealed to be me....
I gave you my breath,
and you let it go....
but I forgive you for it all, for you had no intensions of hurting me..
did you?

I sat outside today,
at the top of the hill in the back
With nobody around I sat there,
and I breathed,
so clear and easy
I felt no restraint,
nothing could go wrong.
The sun was high above me,
the air wasn't thick or heavy,
it was soothing.

I lived today, and finally....
I realized what is really worth fighting for.
tomorrow.

If only you knew....
The leaves stopped falling,
The birds stopped singing,
The clouds never left after you did.

You took everything with you,
The sunshine,
The memories,
The heartbreaks....

You slowly turned,
From a friend,
To best friend,
To boy friend..
To nothing.

It hurt to see you go,
You were the only thing I had left.
You left me there....
Cold and scarred.

I forgave you so many times..
But none of those "I'm sorry"s
Meant a thing to you.
It was just another word.

I wish you were able to grow on me,
As I did on you.

I wish you regretes the day you left,
As much as I wished you to.

I'm glad you're back,
The space you left while you were gone was cold,
I wasn't quite sure if you would talk to me,
But the choice you made was very bold,
I love to see you move along,
With terrible poems....
I miss being close, but its just a secret now,
I wish you knew all of this some how....
So be my secret friend again,
It's nights like these I've missed,
Nights like these that have no ends.

Dear "friend",

      you see my pain from when you left,
you never gave me a reason.. or a goodbye.
I have yet to over come my feelings, my hurt,
but most of all, I have yet to over come you.
It's like when I see you, my heart stops,
just by the thought of what was once there.
You had me wrapped around your little finger,
but for some reason you didn't want me there.
I'm not sure what I did wrong....
I'm not sure if you really know how I felt about you,
your family, your smile, your laugh....you....
while I sit here I regret not asking you.
But it's far to late to ask for a reason why you left,
and it is far to late to ask you to care.
But Dear "Friend", please just know;
I wish you were there.