Why? I don't know why. I was a friend and then a lover back to a friend then I was nothing because you left. Now you are back and I let the past in my head. All I remember are the moments when we were lovers, nothing else. Why? I don't know know why, I wish I did. I feel ashamed, guilty, and sad. I can't let go of what we had even though it was brief, those memories of us no longer exist in you but in me they still live on. Why? I can't explain why. I just wish i could move on but when I do, you come back again, it haunts me it tears me apart I should just rid you of my life, but I can't... I just can't. Why? You know why, because deep down I still care for you, I still love you. Why? Because the moments you smile, reminds me of the happiness we shared, the moments when you laugh reminds me of what fun we had, the way you talk to me is just the same when we were lovers but now I just know there are no feeling behind it. I want to change who I am. Why? For you, you use to say I was sweet and kind but that didn't keep you, I just wish to be what you even if it is some I hate, I will do it for you, I just miss you, I miss the past, the past of what we use to be

Why can't I stop? Why can't I stop thinking of you?! Every thought you come across my mind. I wonder about you, I miss you, I... I love you. That must be it right? Or am I just a foolish boy trying to make his dreams and fantasies a reality. Someone like you could never love me. My mind it tortures me with these lies, with these illusions thinking I have a life with you, and I love every minute of it. No matter how much pain it brings to me, no matter how much it consumes me. I...I love you. I have to keep you happy that's what I want...but I don't know what you want. Maybe you don't want me maybe you don't feel what I feel. That's ok just let me enjoy what is there and let me burn and fall later, I can handle myself. I want to be there for you when you cry, smile, laugh, I want you to never feel alone because I...I love you. I want to be there when you wake up the first thing you see to bring joy to you. When you go to sleep I want to be there comforting you and holding you in my arms. Just lay me down next you and I will never leave your side I promise. Even if you live to be a hundred years old, I will love hundred years with you plus one day. That way you never live a life without me in your heart. I would do all this and more for you just because...I love you.

What should I do! Why should i care?

Who am I kidding? I'm the boy that everyone calls a fool. Always rushing into things to fast expecting it be perfect. Why am I so differently wired? Why couldn't I be normal? Do I even belong in this world? I'm nothing really. I'm just shy and awkward. All I do is sit in silence at school. At home all I do is just sit in a corner trying not be noticed. I love the silence.

Being all alone. It's quite nice being able to relax and think to myself. Why didn't I do this sooner letting my thoughts pour through my mind working things out in my head. Things will get better. What's the worse that can come from just being silent, surely nothing violent. Uh oh maybe I need help... Nah I can handle this.

No I don't need help! Just please don't think I need a psychologist trying to diagnose my problems, or trying to solve them. I know what's wrong. I just don't want to tell no one. The thoughts going through my brain they are becoming violent. Just let me suffer In silence after all there is a reason my screams are quiet.

Talking to my self trying to gain some confidence. Breaking the silence in my head. Keeping my mind distracted. Things seem to be getting better until I go to sleep. Again surrounded by the dark, surrounded by the silence again. My mind wandering, my thoughts consuming. I feel it in my skin, wanting to rip my hair out. Is there no way out! Why! Why me!..Glimmer of hope? The moon shining through my window. I sit here by myself talking to the moon. Hoping for an answer. Finally some peace maybe I can get some sleep. Or am I just a fool.

Am I dying, no thoughts, I stopped thinking , oh wait I'm just sleeping. Finally at ease in my sleep no thoughts, no violence, not even silence. I'm in my world. But wait even here I know I don't belong. Eventually I will go back to reality. Why do my dreams have to be a lie? Why do they mess with mind? Why can't they be the normal kind! I'm force to face what is real. I just wonder what terrifying thing will happen tomorrow. Oh dear, soon I will be awake, soon I will be able to think.

Even the next day I'm the kid who thinks the sky is falling. Knowing I don't belong anywhere. I'm just tired. Today I will make it a good day. I will replace my thoughts, but even then I am force to deal with what I feel. Why am I here? ****. Here it goes again my thoughts gone to deep. Everything coming at once. No! Please stop! I'm just human, at least that what I'd like to think. Am I even alive.

Screaming at the mirror. "Why! Why! What did I do! Why should I care!... What should I do?"  My thoughts constantly reminding me who I killed. Staring at the mirror I realize who it is. Seeing who is the he loneliest of them all. I have no one. I have nothing. I'm just exhausted.

Days go by, you could still say I am a fool. I might be going mad. But why should that matter after all I'm just sad and my world will soon shatter. My own thoughts have betrayed me, driving me crazy. I'm slowly going insane, nothing I can do to change that or maybe I'm just to lazy.
"Why do I care?... What should I do?"