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Atlanta Georgia Jan 2016
Absolutely average.
I can play the piano,
I'm alright at it.
I can draw,
they're good pictures,
but I never finish through.
I can write a poem,
happy, sad, or blue.
But never will I ever
actually impress you.
Atlanta Georgia Oct 2015
There's this boy,
he's such a lively soul
with opinions that could last a lifetime.
He's outspoken
and almost unusually hyper.
His dad killed himself a few weeks ago
but he says he's not sad.
he's disappointed
I wanna say ***** you,
to his dad,
but I will give him his peace
because my frined,
the boy,
is coming to terms with his.
He writes too,
short stories.
His voice is like a river,
no matter how much he has to say
or how much emotion goes into it
he has the damage control to keep it from flooding.
It's like he has a dam on his feelings.
That makes me sad though,
because he's so smart.
He has this theory,
this thing he always says.
" Time is but a concept,
a belief that everything moves forward"
but everytime i talk to him nothing moves.
Not because of what anyone would think
but because he doesn't want me
to tread carefully.
Not on any topics.
I think he needs me
not to go gentle
or step around topics.
His comfort is blunt honesty
and I am both in awe and
I guess confusion by this.
To the boy
who makes me speechless
almost everyday.
Atlanta Georgia Nov 2014
October 7th was the night you left
October 8th was the day we found out you weren't there
And we didn't watch the blood moon like you promised me
October 31st was when our Halloween plans fell through because you still weren't here to fill them
November 7th was when you had been gone for a month
November 9th will be your 17th birthday
November 27th will be the day you miss Thanksgiving,
And i'll be too bitter to be thankful
December 9th,
You'll miss dad's birthday
December 24th you won't be here to open presents a day early
December 25th you'll miss our brother complaining about mayonnaise and our uncle forgetting our presents
March 16th you'll miss my birthday
I don't know how long it'll be until we find you
But there will never be a date listed
Where I give up on you.
I'm not going to forget.
Atlanta Georgia Oct 2015
let me shove my theories down your throat.
This is what I hear everytime someone comes to me
asking if I have a minute to talk about
"our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ"
Don't get me wrong I support christians.
I went to church for 10 years
just to learn about the religion.
But why should I bow down to people
who told me daily that I,
as a woman who loves loving women,
am going to go to hell?
Who told me one of my big brothers
was going to go to hell aswell?
Him being a man who loves loving men.
They told me my other brother
would burn eternally too
and that his child,
concieved out of wedlock,
was a mistake.
Repent or burn,
they hiss but act as though
they're different from the serpent
that so deviantly tempted Eve
with desires of forbidden fruit.
My big sister,
is foretold a future of damnation,
for trying to take her life
7 times.
They say
it's a hard path to choose to take,
walking with God,
But to ask for forgiveness
and ye shall be saved.
What if my detours distract me
and i end up with the destination to flames.
I could give up who I am,
say i'm clean
of the mental illness labelled
homosexuality.
God says do not to lie.
God says do not to be jealous of what
my neighbors have
and my neighbors are
straight,
God.
I wanted for years not to be gay,
Lord,
and I have cried upon the shoulders
of great christians
because I wished I wasn't.
Christians who I owe my sanity too
because although they did not support
my "lifestyle",
they supported me,
God.
They loved me regardless because you said
love thy neighbor.
You said,
do not be prideful,
but Lord,
some of your followers,
they held their noses in the air
and the looked down at me.
Named themselves,
better.
Judge and ye sha'll be judged
just as harshly,
you said.
So I pray, father
do not let my neighbors pay
they were ignorant and they still are.
They said with some writings you have to read
between the lines
but sometimes they missed the words that
were already there,
God.
They made me ache over
what I was,
what I am.
I thought there was something wrong with me,
Lord
and there was a time i'd look to the sky
and i'd ask for something seemingly simple,
i'd say " now, I know i've been bad but please-"
and I'd beg for what I wanted.
I'd say i'd try to be good,
whether for the day or for a few weeks.
I believed in you
and sometimes,
just sometimes i'd get what I asked for,
but there was always a catch,
Lord.
I was always thrown an attemtped suicude
or another runaway
and I would cry for nights
so I wouldn't to other people.
I'd think it was wrong of me,
to ask for a favor,
being such a sinner.
I didn't want to go to hell,
but facing reality felt like the preview.
I'm learning to live with myself,
God,
Because for those 10 years
I was as gay as I am now,
but I wanted to be washed away
of my sins.
My burdens to be lifted off my shoulders,
I wanted to be a good kid.
I wanted my parents to love me more
and I wanted to not be bad anymore,
but Father I have sinned
and I still do.
I was just a kid
and I still am.
Still,
I thank you
for experience,
life-long lessons.
But,
God,
do I resent you.
Atlanta Georgia Apr 2015
I'll never understand how
Some thoughts are gone with the wind
And some give you headaches.
Some feelings are thrown in the air
While you can't help to cling to others.
Tell me why I can't let go
Atlanta Georgia Jan 2016
3 a.m.
and I'm thinking again.
Yes or no,
do I stay or go?
At night I fly
no goodbyes
or sweet lullabies
just wind beneath my wings.
My hair blown back
a smile on my face,
this is it.
This is my race.
So why does my stomach start to twist
and the sky darkens
as my feeling
of being fulfilled
turns into me being
full of what-ifs?
What if I were to die tomorrow?
What if i'm not liked?
What if the clouds fell down
and all my achievements earned were frowns?
What if my paranoia
presents as reality
and I forget to breathe?
Will I stay or go,
yes or no?
Is it worth the wait
if what it gets me
isn't gain?
Is it worth the try,
to trudge through this pain
when I fail to sleep
every night's the same.
I'm worn out
and my time has
run thin.
6 a.m.
and time to
start my day again.
Atlanta Georgia Jan 2016
In 2015,
I was sad
and in 2016,
I am still sad
because I got left behnd
in 2012
when everything went bad.

— The End —